View Full Version : Joke of the Day - pretty funny stuff

10-21-2005, 01:38 PM
I boarded the airplane and took my seat. As I settled in, I glanced up and see a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. I soon realize she's heading straight towards MY seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside me.

Eager to strike up a conversation, I blurted out, "Business trip, or vacation?"

She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Las Vegas."

I swallowed hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen, sitting next to me, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! SWEET!!!!!

Struggling to maintain my composure, I calmly ask, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," I said, swallowing hard," what myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the man of Jewish descent. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes.

"I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!"

I said, "Tonto!", "Tonto Goldstein! But my friends call me Bubba!"

10-21-2005, 04:13 PM
Another Joke:

A sunday school teacher asks her class "how does one enter heaven?" A little girl raises her hand and says, I think its "hands first".

The teacher appreciates the reponse eventhough it wasnt the type of answer she was looking for. Curious, she proceeds to ask the little girl to explain why its hands first.

The little girl says, "because when you pray your hands are together, and so I think God reaches down to take you into heaven by your hands".

The teacher thinks thats a very sweet thought, and asks if anyone else has an opinion. With that, a little boy raises his hands and says, "nah, its legs first".

The teacher asks him to explain, and he says, "well, I walked into my parents bedroom last night, and my mom was on her back with both legs in the air saying "Oh, God, Oh, God, I'm Coming", but luckily my Dad was pinning her down."

10-28-2005, 09:39 PM
>> A monkey and a Lizard
>> A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past
>>and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?" The monkey
>>says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up
>>and sits next to the monkey and they have a few puffs. After a while the
>>lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
>> The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the
>>river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to
>>the shore, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard
>>explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the
>>monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while
>>trying to get a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and
>>walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting,
>>finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!" The Monkey looks
>>down and says "F**k! Duuuude!.......How much water did you

10-28-2005, 11:15 PM
why did the elephant lie on his back and stick up his feet...?

10-28-2005, 11:18 PM
:hmmm: :confused2(he was dead)

What do you do with an Elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the Rhino:rolleyes: