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Terror
12-17-2005, 01:58 PM
These are obviously not real, but they are the funniest things I have ever heard!!! www.4q.cc (http://www.4q.cc) and click on Chuck,unless oyu want to read the Vin Diesel and Mr. T ones, but I think Chuck Norris is funnier. One of my personal favorites:

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. :evil:

TheAnswer385
12-17-2005, 02:17 PM
Yes Ive Heard Some Of These And They Crack Me Up

Terror
12-17-2005, 06:57 PM
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

finsrule84
12-17-2005, 07:18 PM
They should make a Teddy Bruschi one

Muck
12-17-2005, 07:25 PM
Or Brett Favre. With a photo of John madden speaking.

saves
12-17-2005, 07:26 PM
The cheif export of Chuck Norris is pain.

FinHeathen
12-17-2005, 09:41 PM
They should make a Teddy Bruschi one

I made a Teddy Bruschi voodoo doll for a Pats fan in the office. I gave him a little sign that said "Stroke Mastah" and saw to it that he had bobble head palsy action.

CirclingWagons
12-18-2005, 12:25 PM
Yeah, this site is the ****...so many priceless facts:

"If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down"


"A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there"


"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."

and my favorite:


"Chuck Norris was working out in the gym with one of his daughter-in-laws. In an attempt to impress Norris, she started to train really hard. When she asked Chuck if he was impressed, he replied with "Weights don't hit back" and broke her neck with a roundhouse."
:sidelol:

SuavePhin
12-18-2005, 12:43 PM
"Chuck Norris once had a bad case of diarhea. The result, Boston, Massachusetts." :rofl:

Clark Kent
12-18-2005, 12:47 PM
Yeah, this site is the ****...so many priceless facts:

"If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down"


"A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there"


"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."

and my favorite:


"Chuck Norris was working out in the gym with one of his daughter-in-laws. In an attempt to impress Norris, she started to train really hard. When she asked Chuck if he was impressed, he replied with "Weights don't hit back" and broke her neck with a roundhouse."
:sidelol: Hahah those are great.

The only person that can kill Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. He is waiting until he runs out of other people to kill.

Chuck Norris ****ed a black hole to just prove his dick was long enough.

Chuck Norris eats Transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.

One time Chuck Norris went camping in the woods. In the morning lumberjacks began to cut down what they thought was an oak tree but was instead Chuck with a terrible case of morning wood. None were seen from again.

When you walk outside and aren't eaten by dinosaurs, you can thank Chuck Norris for killing them.

Chuck Norris has only celebrated April Fools Day once. The result was homosexuals.

Hasselhoff blew up Chuck Norris' mailbox for stealing his cameo glory in Dodgeball. Norris then blew up Hasselhoff's mother.

HAHAHAHAHHA, OK.... This one is so offensive, but yet I don't care.

Because of Chuck Norris' sheer amazingness, there has only been one woman brave enough to try and make love to Chuck Norris with the light on. Her name was Terry Schiavo.