PDA

View Full Version : I'd Like Some Serious Advice



dQbell
05-12-2006, 10:12 AM
This is very serious for me, and I'd like to hear some grounded advice from you guys.

In the early 80's I was molested by a guy who was in his late 20's. I was probably around 9 or 10. I'm 33 now. I have told some people, including my wife and father, but it wasn't until after I was married when I did that (95). I kept it to myself throughout my childhood. It's something that has somewhat messed with me because it awakened me early to a very distorted sense of sexual intimacy, not to mention how horrific it was. Even to this day certain scents and environments remind me of the incident. I've learned to overcome a lot of the results of what happened, and am blessed by the support of my wife and family.

Here's where I need the advice. I have googled this guy for sometime, and always got nothing. Well, yesterday I used a variation of his name and found out he was convicted in 95 of sexual assault. He received a 15 year sentence with the possibility of parole after serving 5 years in prison. I then proceeded to read the online archived newspaper articles from my hometown paper and that spelt out a lot of the crap this guy did to others. My question is this. I have this feeling like I should report him. I mean, if he got parole, that means he's out of prison by now and is not accountable to what he did to me. It's not a vengence thing. I have settled that, but I do feel like he should serve time for what he has done to probably several kids.

What do you guys think? I can say that a weight was lifted from me yesterday when I found this info out. It not only confirmed that he was the guy, but the fact that he was convicted and somewhat held responsible means a lot to me.

Thanks for your responses.

3rd and long
05-12-2006, 10:16 AM
I think you should report it, if you don't mind it being public record. Crimes against children are the worst, and this guy can't be punished enough. Go with your gut feeling, man.

mor911
05-12-2006, 10:19 AM
I also think you should report it. Guys like that should fry for the things they do to people.

It takes a lot of courage to speak out about things like this and to come forward. But a man like that has no business in society.

Motion
05-12-2006, 10:21 AM
Yeah, go with your gut feeling. It could help prevent him from doing it again and could possibly give you a bit of closure. Can't imagine what it must be like to deal with something like that.

UltraDol-Fan
05-12-2006, 10:29 AM
I will agree with everyone here and say you should get this guy back in prison if you can. The worst crimes are the ones against children, and if it was up to me there would be no chance for people like him to get parole.

Amars
05-12-2006, 10:34 AM
This is a tough decision. If you feel it may bring closure to this part of childhood I think you should report it. That fact that you been searching for this person 20 years after the fact shows that you still do not have closure. Im not sure if reporting it will give you closure but it may be a step towards that directions. If you dont report it you may,still in another 20yrs still be looking for him after he's out. You may want to look into couseling, it may help you alot with intimacy and TRUST part of your life. Think about yourself, your wife and your children and prevent this scumbag from doing this again.

DrAstroZoom
05-12-2006, 10:37 AM
Report it. Report it. Report it. There are so many reasons this is the beat course of action.

BTW ... how cool and accepting a place is Finheaven?

dQbell
05-12-2006, 10:41 AM
This is a tough decision. If you feel it may bring closure to this part of childhood I think you should report it. That fact that you been searching for this person 20 years after the fact shows that you still do not have closure. Im not sure if reporting it will give you closure but it may be a step towards that directions. If you dont report it you may,still in another 20yrs still be looking for him after he's out. You may want to look into couseling, it may help you alot with intimacy and TRUST part of your life. Think about yourself, your wife and your children and prevent this scumbag from doing this again.

Thanks for those comments. I have been to counseling with and without my wife for this and it did help us a lot. I agree with the closure comments. For me, it seems this has remained opened for a long time. It's as if he had the last say. And in this case, he shouldn't. He did something horrific and should be held accountable. I think me reporting it would address the seriousness of the matter and also put to rest the fact that he should be held responsible.

dQbell
05-12-2006, 10:43 AM
Report it. Report it. Report it. There are so many reasons this is the beat course of action.

BTW ... how cool and accepting a place is Finheaven?

I agree. We have a great group og guys here.

by the way..I'm liking your KISS sig.

ganooch
05-12-2006, 10:44 AM
i am a prosecutor in New York.

1. check the statute of limitations in north carolina. Most states will give you a certain amount of years after your 18th birtday. you still may have a criminal action.

2. even if the statute has run, your complaint will only help for future prosecutions of this guy.

3. like everyone else above mentioned, closure; for your own peace of mind report it.

Amars
05-12-2006, 10:44 AM
It will be to your benefits and a benefit to many of kids and adults who he may have done this to. Im pretty sure he's done it more then a handful of time.

NYPhinFan
05-12-2006, 10:49 AM
From the look of your little pic in your sig..you have a little one. I can't imagine what you went through but for you and the sake of your children and family...make sure this guy doesn't get a second chance to ruin anyone elses childhood. If anyone would even touch my children..I would find no end to what I would do to take care of the problem. My prayers go out for you to continue with your courage and strength.

FinsNYanksFan13
05-12-2006, 11:25 AM
Report this sleaze and get him prosecuted to the fullest. Lord only knows how many kid you'll be saving when he gets out!

TJamesW_phinfan
05-12-2006, 11:37 AM
Report it. Report it. Report it. There are so many reasons this is the beat course of action.

BTW ... how cool and accepting a place is Finheaven?

I could not agree more on both.

FinFrenzy
05-12-2006, 12:11 PM
i am a prosecutor in New York.

1. check the statute of limitations in north carolina. Most states will give you a certain amount of years after your 18th birtday. you still may have a criminal action.

2. even if the statute has run, your complaint will only help for future prosecutions of this guy.

3. like everyone else above mentioned, closure; for your own peace of mind report it.

First, I believe you should talk to your family to gain support then report it.

I highlighted ganooch since now I have question. Can't he go to the parole hearing to keep him locked up or is that a different since there isn't any criminal charges between him and the monster?

GRAPEAPE
05-12-2006, 12:22 PM
Report it. If not for yourslef, maybe you have the courage to do so where other people he victimized don't. Maybe by coming forward you will empower others who have been victims to come forward, not only bringing closeure to yourself but others as well.

Megatron
05-12-2006, 12:33 PM
Get some counseling and talk to the cops for sure.

dQbell
05-12-2006, 01:39 PM
i am a prosecutor in New York.

1. check the statute of limitations in north carolina. Most states will give you a certain amount of years after your 18th birtday. you still may have a criminal action.

2. even if the statute has run, your complaint will only help for future prosecutions of this guy.

3. like everyone else above mentioned, closure; for your own peace of mind report it.

This happened in RI (I now live in NC), and I'm almost certain that there is no statute of limitations for a sexual assault crime.

Thank you all for the many comments and advice. I'm going to call the Police this afternoon and give them my story. I'll also ask them for any particular advice I may need. My wife is behind me on this, and I believe it is what I should do. Thanks again, you guys are very kind.

The Rev
05-12-2006, 01:41 PM
i am a prosecutor in New York.

1. check the statute of limitations in north carolina. Most states will give you a certain amount of years after your 18th birtday. you still may have a criminal action.

2. even if the statute has run, your complaint will only help for future prosecutions of this guy.

3. like everyone else above mentioned, closure; for your own peace of mind report it.

Thanks for clearing that up. I was just thinking about that.

dQbell
05-12-2006, 02:04 PM
Well, here's an update for those interested.

I called the police dept.in the city where this happened and they told me the gentlemen was released on probation after serving 5 years of his sentence. When I told them his name, they knew exactly who I was talking about.

I'm actually going up there in a few weeks to visit my parents, so the officer told me to call right before I come to set up a time to come in and file a complaint. I will do so. In fact, knowing he is out of prison really set something off in me. I actually wouldn't mind looking this guy in the eyes.

The police were very supportive and mentioned that most likely the DA would pursue it.

UltraDol-Fan
05-12-2006, 02:06 PM
good news :up: I hope everything works out well for you and your family

LittlePaulie
05-12-2006, 02:25 PM
Well, here's an update for those interested.

I called the police dept.in the city where this happened and they told me the gentlemen was released on probation after serving 5 years of his sentence. When I told them his name, they knew exactly who I was talking about.

I'm actually going up there in a few weeks to visit my parents, so the officer told me to call right before I come to set up a time to come in and file a complaint. I will do so. In fact, knowing he is out of prison really set something off in me. I actually wouldn't mind looking this guy in the eyes.

The police were very supportive and mentioned that most likely the DA would pursue it.

You are a strong person to have the courage to confront this head on! I wish you the best and believe you are doing the right thing. Keep your emotions in check and do it the right way! Strong men become leaders and we need leaders to keep the faith!

Rocky Raccoon
05-12-2006, 02:25 PM
Well, here's an update for those interested.

I called the police dept.in the city where this happened and they told me the gentlemen was released on probation after serving 5 years of his sentence. When I told them his name, they knew exactly who I was talking about.

I'm actually going up there in a few weeks to visit my parents, so the officer told me to call right before I come to set up a time to come in and file a complaint. I will do so. In fact, knowing he is out of prison really set something off in me. I actually wouldn't mind looking this guy in the eyes.

The police were very supportive and mentioned that most likely the DA would pursue it.

good news man...good luck to you!

Timmy54
05-12-2006, 10:32 PM
sounds like you are getting a better response than my situation. As many of you know this is a horrible act and unfortuantley happens to alot of children. Well, I also was abused. My uncle did some horrible things that i didnt even remember till i started having horrible dreams. Went to see a councelor and through therapy started to unblock the memory. Well, i know remember that day like it was this morning. I have had a lot of issues dealing with it in my life. Really had trouble with relationships in general till i decided that i should tell my girlfreind who was very supportive. We are now married and I would have never thought of being married if not for the great way she handled my problems. Needless to say that is not the only baggage I have but it is some of the heavest. My uncle died before he was procecuted, herion overdoes (yeah he was a real winner). I did get some revenge, he confronted me after a prelim hearing and I lost it, kicking his tale all over the parking lot. funny thing is the cops standing around letting me!!! I want to also say GREAT JOB GUYS cause you were very supportive of a fellow finheaven guy and you dont see that too often. Thats a big reason why being a finfan and a memeber of this site is so great because of the people. Good luck getting your guy!!!

like2god
05-12-2006, 10:37 PM
I think you should report it. If you can save one child from going through what you did, you will be a hero to that kid and his family forever. Glad to hear you are overcoming what you had to go through.

like2god
05-12-2006, 10:41 PM
sounds like you are getting a better response than my situation. As many of you know this is a horrible act and unfortuantley happens to alot of children. Well, I also was abused. My uncle did some horrible things that i didnt even remember till i started having horrible dreams. Went to see a councelor and through therapy started to unblock the memory. Well, i know remember that day like it was this morning. I have had a lot of issues dealing with it in my life. Really had trouble with relationships in general till i decided that i should tell my girlfreind who was very supportive. We are now married and I would have never thought of being married if not for the great way she handled my problems. Needless to say that is not the only baggage I have but it is some of the heavest. My uncle died before he was procecuted, herion overdoes (yeah he was a real winner). I did get some revenge, he confronted me after a prelim hearing and I lost it, kicking his tale all over the parking lot. funny thing is the cops standing around letting me!!! I want to also say GREAT JOB GUYS cause you were very supportive of a fellow finheaven guy and you dont see that too often. Thats a big reason why being a finfan and a memeber of this site is so great because of the people. Good luck getting your guy!!!
It's a shame that this type of thing happens. I wish you and dQbell the best of luck. My prayers are with you and your loved ones.

Fin Fan in Cali
05-12-2006, 10:52 PM
This is very serious for me, and I'd like to hear some grounded advice from you guys.

In the early 80's I was molested by a guy who was in his late 20's. I was probably around 9 or 10. I'm 33 now. I have told some people, including my wife and father, but it wasn't until after I was married when I did that (95). I kept it to myself throughout my childhood. It's something that has somewhat messed with me because it awakened me early to a very distorted sense of sexual intimacy, not to mention how horrific it was. Even to this day certain scents and environments remind me of the incident. I've learned to overcome a lot of the results of what happened, and am blessed by the support of my wife and family.

Here's where I need the advice. I have googled this guy for sometime, and always got nothing. Well, yesterday I used a variation of his name and found out he was convicted in 95 of sexual assault. He received a 15 year sentence with the possibility of parole after serving 5 years in prison. I then proceeded to read the online archived newspaper articles from my hometown paper and that spelt out a lot of the crap this guy did to others. My question is this. I have this feeling like I should report him. I mean, if he got parole, that means he's out of prison by now and is not accountable to what he did to me. It's not a vengence thing. I have settled that, but I do feel like he should serve time for what he has done to probably several kids.

What do you guys think? I can say that a weight was lifted from me yesterday when I found this info out. It not only confirmed that he was the guy, but the fact that he was convicted and somewhat held responsible means a lot to me.

Thanks for your responses.I am not a counselor by any stretch. I think you have to ask yourself first are you going to be okay with bringing all this pain up again? I think in the long run it will help you, but in the short term it will bring a lot of pain out for you. If you are okay with this, and can hold up, I say report it, and if you haven't already, seek some counseling for your yourself to help you in the process. I wish you the best.:wink:
</IMG>

icephinfan
05-12-2006, 11:38 PM
I work with kids, who have had this done to them. I say report him and put him away. I see there faces and it sucks that something like this happens to them. You keep being strong,man.I know you will make the right decision!!

PassRush
05-13-2006, 03:19 AM
I am sorry I dont have an answer for you, as that is a question that only you can answer. However, your courage is truly inspiring. I am sure you have done plenty of soul searching already, all I can say is do some more; you will answer your own question. If you ever need any advice or counsil you have a wonderfull wife and family and always a second family here at finheaven

Amars
05-13-2006, 03:28 AM
Good luck to you and your family.