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dolphan39
06-27-2003, 04:02 PM
INTEROFFICE MEMO
TO: ALL FinHeaven Staff
CC: FILE
FROM: FinHeaven MANAGEMENT
RE: COMPANY POLICIES

DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600.00 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now BANNED. As long as you are an employee here, you need all of your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 52 personal days a year. They are called Sundays.

VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: New Year's Day, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving Day & Christmas Day.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided that your share of the work is done.

ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require, at least, two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. Effective immediately, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For
example, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 - 8:20; employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:20 - 8:40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes around again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have A Nice Week!

FinHeaven MANAGEMENT


:goof:

Prime Time
06-27-2003, 04:16 PM
:lol:

MissMeth
06-27-2003, 11:03 PM
:rofl:

Capt. Dick
06-27-2003, 11:08 PM
You think that`s bad.....you should see the updated version. :D

iceblizzard69
06-27-2003, 11:13 PM
:lol:

bigbry
06-27-2003, 11:32 PM
Originally posted by Capt. Dick
You think that`s bad.....you should see the updated version. :D

What? you didnt like your picture in the stall on the internet?

BB

Capt. Dick
06-27-2003, 11:39 PM
Originally posted by bigbry


What? you didnt like your picture in the stall on the internet?

BB


Oh, that wasn`t so bad but the fact that it showed me using a lap-top, so I could continue working, was a little humiliating. AJ`s a beast!

bigbry
06-27-2003, 11:56 PM
Originally posted by Capt. Dick



Oh, that wasn`t so bad but the fact that it showed me using a lap-top, so I could continue working, was a little humiliating. AJ`s a beast!

So you call her a "lap-top" now? Really Capt.


BB

Capt. Dick
06-27-2003, 11:59 PM
Originally posted by bigbry


So you call her a "lap-top" now? Really Capt.


BB


LOL

WeVie
06-28-2003, 12:14 AM
Oh man is that funny stuff :lol: :lol:

dolphan39
06-28-2003, 10:12 AM
Originally posted by Capt. Dick
You think that`s bad.....you should see the updated version. :D please post or if R-rated PM Thx

Capt. Dick
06-28-2003, 10:51 AM
Originally posted by dolphan39
please post or if R-rated PM Thx


J/K :lol:

wizardsdad
06-28-2003, 03:45 PM
Originally posted by bigbry


So you call her a "lap-top" now? Really Capt.


BB

Great post, BB. You guys are really bad.:rofl: