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dolfan06
04-10-2008, 02:30 PM
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his
> grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her
> bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and
> said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend
> now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
>
> Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my
> boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all
> day long. The religious programs make me feel good
> and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV
> as my boyfriend.'
>
> Grandma turned on the TV, and the
> reception was terrible. She started adjusting the
> knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
> Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the
> TV hoping to fix the problem.
>
> The little boy heard the doorbell
> ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood
> Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son,
> is your Grandma home?'
>
> The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she
> 's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'
>
> The minister fainted.
>
> Now, that's funny... I don't care
> WHO you are.

SabanHater
04-10-2008, 02:56 PM
A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She
lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was
the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We
try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer
before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day
of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in
vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell
me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother, 540
yard Pa! r 5, wi th a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the
drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's
flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird
in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't
make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom
what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and
runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother.

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of
myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this
hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my
ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.
"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the
hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the
hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his
paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!

"Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest,
fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...







"You missed the f ****** putt, didn't you?" :lol: