View Full Version : Update on my life: its ben a wile

06-03-2008, 02:18 AM
hey everywon this is John Simmons: i no that its ben a long time: you mite of herd about sum of the things that have ben going on in my life but i wanted to let you no firsthand: anyway this is what has happend resently: "o and sum of the pics are in links becaus i cood only put 10 pics in the post":

so the other day im at work and deside to text dug with my sell phone to see how hes doing: i hadnt talkd to dug for a couple of days and thaut that the text message would suprise him and help get him off of his troubel with women "he always gets ones who play games": also there was sumthing else i also wanted to tell him about:

all of my frends no that i am a pashinet demon hunter and have killd many: many are suprised to learn that demons often do not take the form of themselves but actually can appear as bats, bugs, and cats: anyway to sho that i am not afraid of demons i thaut that it would be a good idea to get one on tatood on my stomack: this is the pic of the one i desided to get: i desided to tell dug about this tat in the text mesage:

well i texted dug but he never responded: a hour later i get a call from a payfone: he sed [hey John this is dug: ive had a bit of troubel: i put the brakes on so that i could consentrate on my texting and a car slammed into me: now my car is on fire:] he told me wear he was and i sed i wood be rite there: i new that this would be a good chanse to get sum pics: this is one of the pics i took:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2008/06/johnsimmonsportrait-1.jpg http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2008/06/me-1.jpg
on a different note im angry becaus of the portrate that my friend russ's wife painted of me: she sed she would make me look like royelty but i dont think that it looks like me:

last nite i braut home my new pet "its called a sugar glider": my frend russ found it in the back of his semi and wanted to no if i cood take care of it: i sed [yes]:

on the way home i stoppd at a store and baut this shirt for the summer: the women at the bars always come up and talk to me about my wolf shirts and i thaut that this would be a good won for the summer: as you can see there are to wite wolfs on this shirt "won is looking strait ahead and the other is looking to the side":

well oviously my plan with the wolf shirt workd: all three of these women were interested in me and they sed to dug [hey is the man in the wolf shirt your frend]: dug sed [yes]: then they came up and talkd to me: then they came back to my plase and spent the nite:

this morning after i let the women out i went back to bed but i had the feeling somewon was watching me: well i acted like i was sleeping but then i quickly grabbd by cam and fliped over in bed and got this pic: i dont no who he was but he put on his glasses and went running after i took the pic: so i folloed him:

we ended up in a parking deck and i got this pic as i was chasing him: i yelld [who are you]: he didnt anser: so i sed [i will beet it out of you at the top of this garaj]: at that point he started running faster and then i did to:

i was almost up to him but then we turnd a corner and there was smoke all arownd me "he thru a smoke bom": i took this pic: i got confuzed in the smoke and lost him: i quickly sent dug a text message on my sell phone: it sed [dug get outside the parking garaj now: we have a situayshen: there is a man who will be trying to get out: he has glasses look for him and get him:]: well dug came runing to the parking lot below the deck just as the man was leeving:

this is the first pic dug got of the man: the man had jumpd off the deck with the glider: dug folloed him: i got to the top just as he was flying away: i found sum rocks and thru them at the glider: well i thru a couple of larj stones and he went down in the parking lot below:

wen he landed he took off his cote and kept runing: dug got this pic: i yelld down to dug [get him dug: he has to pay]: unforchunitly the man jumpd over a fense and got away: if i had ben down there i wood have caut him: i no he will be back so i will keep waching:

to burn off sum steem i went home and put on the song by the band saliva calld [yore diseese]: i invited sum women over and won of them tryd to headbang to the song: i sed [thats not corect: let me sho you:] so i started to do it rite and my frend russ took this pic: the women were clapping wile i did it:

well thats a update on my life: i hope its going good for you: i will talk to you soon:

John Simmons

06-03-2008, 04:32 AM
i have a feeling i know who that guy you were chasing was, john - did the guy in the glasses look anything like this?


i'm pretty sure it was retired dolfan stan! he's been trying to dodge the media but i've got the drop on him - save up a few of your smoke bombs for retired dolfan stan's 1st Annual Seafood Festival event - you can set them off there and should be able to get a clean shot at him - if he tries to get away on his hang glider again, wait til he gets up a little higher before you start hucking rocks at him

Nappy Roots
06-03-2008, 10:40 AM
bout time you updated us John. after you tell us your stories i try to pattern my life exactly after yours. but i can do it cause i suck and your great :(

retired opfinistic
06-03-2008, 11:28 AM
Best thread ever, anywhere.

Noodle Arm
06-03-2008, 02:47 PM
Whenever John Simmons posts about his life...I start to question my manhood.

retired opfinistic
06-03-2008, 03:06 PM
I am ashamed. My man card is nowhere near this cool.

06-03-2008, 05:05 PM
Is this Dolfan Stan's twin?

06-03-2008, 11:00 PM
Is there a Church of John Simmons?

06-04-2008, 01:42 PM
the spelling is pretty good, what neighborhood is he from.

06-04-2008, 05:36 PM
this is golden :)

06-05-2008, 02:19 AM
Dolfan stan says go Duante... is he related to Daunte Culpepper? I notice that their first name is similar.
Screw UCF.