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dolphan39
10-01-2003, 09:39 AM
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.

From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA DAILY NEWS comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaring public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

Scrap
10-01-2003, 11:20 AM
:lol:

Muck
10-01-2003, 03:08 PM
:rofl:

dolphan39
10-03-2003, 09:00 AM
Forwarded from a scared friend with a two-month old...

"For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who
have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have
not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Children (honest)

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,
to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball
a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already
too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three
Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his
home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have
some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked
the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy
raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy ****! A talking
pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and
brake fluid."

dolfan87
10-03-2003, 09:41 AM
FOFLMAO...I love it!

jtown777
10-03-2003, 11:06 AM
:lol: :lol: :lol: