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View Full Version : My Interview with THE Juan Huron



ckparrothead
01-22-2009, 04:05 PM
Let me offer you some background. I have a friend, Remy. He is a patio furniture salesman. He's in town for the local Tampa Bay Patio/Spa Mega Blowout Convention (TBPSMBC). Remy and I were having an interesting conversation about Gummy Bears (the cartoon) when he casually mentioned that he bumped into THE Juan Huron, at the TBPSMBC.

I nearly lost it.

"Juan Huron? In town? At the TBPSMBC? You're kidding me!"

"Do you want to meet him?" asked Remy.

"Is a pig's pu--y pork?" I replied.

After much haranguing over Remy's finder's fee (goodbye Megadeth Clash of the Titans '91 summer tour concert tee), I find myself sitting on a custom crafted wicker patio chair, staring over a seashell-in-foam table at this 5'5" and 145 pound golden god among men.


Me: "I can't believe you took the time to meet me. I'm such a big fan."

Juan Huron: "Neither do I"

(awkward pause, my hands shaking as I try and gather my notes)

Juan Huron: "What is that smell?"

Me: "You smell something?"

Juan Huron: "Fear"

Me: "Heh. So, Juan. It's been years since Dolphins faithful first hea--"

Juan Huron: "Are you going to buy something?"

Me: "No- wait, do you need me to?"

Juan Huron: "Yes"

Me: "I suppose I could take a look at that rustic-looking Corinthian outdoor fireplace piece."

Juan Huron: "Cash or credit?"

Me: "Credit, I guess."

Juan Huron: "I go get the paper work."

Me: "Ok, no problem. I'll just wait he- you're back!"

Juan Huron: "Card and ID please"

Me: "Here you go. While you run that, I was wondering if I might ask you what you've been up to nowadays? I mean, aside from selling this fantastic patio furniture."

Juan Huron: "I sell patio furniture. Is a good job."

Me: "You don't play football anymore? But you had such a promising career!"

Juan Huron: "I played two years in the Mexican church league, the Oaxaca Maracas. I am very good. I have three...seven catches for 37...52 yards."

Me: "That's excellent production. You don't play for them anymore?"

Juan Huron: "No. I am so fast. They don't catch me. They can't believe how fast I am. When I play, they see that I am fast. It was political."

Me: "Did you ever get to try out for the Dolphins?"

Juan Huron: "No. My agent say that I am so fast and my hands are good, I only drop three balls for the Maracas. My hands are good. Some kind of mix up with the phone, the phone card."

Me: "I'm sorry to hear that, Juan. Did you try any other NFL teams?"

Juan Huron: "Sign here"

Me: "You bet. You know, the Dolphins just signed a guy from the Canadian Football League..."

Juan Huron: "Really?"

Me: "Yes. He dominated that league much like you dominated yours. They might be a little more open-minded, now."

Juan Huron: "Who they have?"

Me: "Well, they have Ted Ginn-"

Juan Huron: "He slow"

Me: "They also have this kid out of Hawaii, Davone Bess."

Juan Huron: "Have good hands?"

Me: "Yes"

Juan Huron: "My are better"

Me: "Well, then maybe you should give them a call. Who knows?"

Juan Huron: "Have to go"

Me: "I understand. I wish we could have had more ti- you're back!"

Juan Huron: "Forgot receipt"

Me: "Thanks, Juan"


And just like that, as quickly as he blew into my life, this golden dynamo had blown away, like a really, really fast wind over the plains of Oaxaca. I know his fateful journey will continue, and that he will carry the wishes of all Dol-Fans in his heart. As I load my Corinthian hearth into the back of my Honda Accord, I wonder when I will hear "Mad Dog" Mandich say those inevitable words: "Pennington to Huron...Juan Huron is off to the races! Touchdown Mi-ami!!!"

Oraclepz
01-22-2009, 04:21 PM
Wtf???

WelcomeBack
01-22-2009, 04:38 PM
Hahaha wow! Classic man. Best post I've seen in a long time.

Valandui
01-22-2009, 04:52 PM
Wtf???
I was kind of wondering the same thing.

ckparrothead
01-22-2009, 04:57 PM
http://www.finheaven.com/forums/f2/looking-for-a-try-out-149181.html?highlight=Juan+Huron

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif

WelcomeBack
01-22-2009, 04:58 PM
http://www.finheaven.com/forums/f2/looking-for-a-try-out-149181.html?highlight=Juan+Huron

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif


The thread that started it all. Poor kid lol.

ckparrothead
01-22-2009, 05:07 PM
The thread that started it all. Poor kid lol.

That thread might be the most fulfilling experience I've had in my adult life. I'm going to get a personalized license plate that says "1HURON"

WelcomeBack
01-22-2009, 05:08 PM
That thread might be the most fulfilling experience I've had in my adult life. I'm going to get a personalized license plate that says "1HURON"

I remember reading it for the first time and literally couldn't stop lauging at some of the responses.

ckparrothead
01-22-2009, 05:14 PM
I remember reading it for the first time and literally couldn't stop lauging at some of the responses.

I couldn't get enough of Juan's posts!

Some of the greatest hits had to include "(would've made team, played impact role)" and "Location: Tampa -- but on vacation right now, will be back soon" and let's not forget "I see my window of opportunity opening by the minute"

God I love that thread...

WelcomeBack
01-22-2009, 05:17 PM
I couldn't get enough of Juan's posts!

Some of the greatest hits had to include "(would've made team, played impact role)" and "Location: Tampa -- but on vacation right now, will be back soon" and let's not forget "I see my window of opportunity opening by the minute"

God I love that thread...

That part always makes me lol

SR 7
01-22-2009, 05:19 PM
so we brought back a thread from 2006? and its 2009....hmmm too much time on our hands lollll

Oraclepz
01-22-2009, 05:21 PM
http://www.finheaven.com/forums/f2/looking-for-a-try-out-149181.html?highlight=Juan+Huron

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif


ok i think now i got it... lol

WelcomeBack
01-22-2009, 05:25 PM
so we brought back a thread from 2006? and its 2009....hmmm too much time on our hands lollll

Technically, he just made a new one with his "interview" haha.

WelcomeBack
01-22-2009, 05:32 PM
He wants to play for the dolphins, but in his sig he's holding a pee wee sized football..

Hahah, another post that was funny to read.

Bumpus
01-22-2009, 05:37 PM
:chuckle:

Wow, that was fun reading. I actually don't remember ever seeing that.

ckparrothead
01-22-2009, 05:37 PM
Hahah, another post that was funny to read.

LMFAO!

I tell you what. I don't know how much of a future he has in football, or in patio furniture selling, but he will always have a future in comic writing. Every word that flowed off this kid's finger tips in mid-July of 2006 was hilariously inspired. If he wrote a book, I would buy it. And nothing is more priceless than that picture.

JT-forpresident
01-22-2009, 06:16 PM
:sidelol: that was so hilarious

DENVERDOLFAN
01-22-2009, 06:23 PM
I had totally forgotten about Juan. The name sounded familiar. I actually searched the name before the old thread link was posted.

Valandui
01-22-2009, 06:50 PM
That was great, but I feel bad for that kid. That has to be the second funniest thread that I have read on here. The best one still has to be the one that was along the lines of "Oh my God! We brought back Seth McKinney!" from this past offseason (can't remember the exact title).

WelcomeBack
01-22-2009, 08:11 PM
"Is a pig's pu--y pork?" I replied.

Is there an award for line of the year?

X-Pacolypse
01-22-2009, 08:36 PM
Ahh yes, the "legendary" Juan Huron.

Kdawg954
01-23-2009, 12:23 AM
ROFL @ this . . . . I remember Juan Huron fully . . . that was a CRAZY thread.

FINMAN13
01-23-2009, 04:26 AM
Funny yes...

But at the same side kinda sad that someone's dreams are punchlines for offseason Dolphin fans.

I do not remember yesterday's post much less 2006.

But suffice to say it would be funny... If after all the years, he came back to see whats up with the board and still sees his name in at the top of the boards, yet again...:rotfl1:

Man I am going to burn in a place very hot for laughing so hard right now...:sorry:

May this thread rest in peace...:rip:...Otherwise I might just have some real bad karma coming my way...I am still laughing hard as ever...:sidelol:


http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif

Valandui
01-23-2009, 09:05 AM
THIS is probably the funniest thread I have ever seen on here.
http://www.finheaven.com/forums/f53/seth-mckinney-re-signed-bad-dream-221357.html