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View Full Version : What's your MO when you get drunk?



Blackocrates
02-20-2009, 02:24 AM
Do you have a unique behavior whenever you get intoxicated? I don't drink anymore but whenever I did, I always had to throw things. Not things that were meant to be thrown but stupid stuff.

One summer I worked at a boat dock and in the evening we would drink while fishing or what have you. The dock had a big shack/room on it that we worked out of. When I would get drunk I would throw tools (a few expensive ones), chairs, a stereo, old cash register, etc. in the lake. Needless to say, I lost my job because of it. That wasn't the worst.

In college I lived in a high rise dorm. I would often throw beer bottles out the window (I loved hearing the bottles break). I eventually increased the severity and threw my chair and desk out. For some reason I thought I would get away with it, but when they did a quick inventory check I was the odd one out. The chair and desk were old as hell, yet they charged me top dollar to replace them.

I was drinking at a campsite next to a river one night and I had the great idea to shoot my Springfield .45 handgun at the river. After unloading all of my bullets I threw the damned gun in the river. I cried about it for days after I sobbered up.

I threw my wallet on the 8 freeway in San Diego while walking home from Seau's restaurant. For some reason it never turned up. That was a major pain in the rearend renewing everything.

What say you? I know most, if not all of you, do worse. Let's have it.

CedarPhin
02-20-2009, 02:29 AM
Do you really want to know?

Blackocrates
02-20-2009, 02:32 AM
Do you really want to know?

Yes sir, that's why I asked.

Dolpfan_72
02-20-2009, 02:36 AM
Sounds to me like the best decision you made out of all that was to stop drinking. It's a wonder nobody ever got hurt. Me personally am a sleepy drunk. I get some alcohol in me and I am yawning every couple minutes. Not a way to get the ladies I will tell you that. :lol:

CedarPhin
02-20-2009, 02:40 AM
I have two sides to me, I either get pissed off when I drink, or I get really happy and euphoric, and go around slapping people high fives.

Should I share some stories?

Blackocrates
02-20-2009, 02:44 AM
I have two sides to me, I either get pissed off when I drink, or I get really happy and euphoric, and go around slapping people high fives.

Should I share some stories?

Please.

Oh, and I was the high five guy myself. Just to be clear, I never threw anything out of anger. I just really liked throwing ****.

Dolpfan_72
02-20-2009, 02:47 AM
I have two sides to me, I either get pissed off when I drink, or I get really happy and euphoric, and go around slapping people high fives.

Should I share some stories?
Please do. Nothing beats stories that start with "This one time I was drunk and I..." :hi5:

CedarPhin
02-20-2009, 02:50 AM
Ok.

I remember one time I was at a friend's house on NYE like in 2004/2005. They happened to have some champagne, alot of it. So I started drinking. Then I had some more, and then some more again. By the end of the night, I'd had at least 2 bottles of it.

So I have to take a piss, and I stand up (or attempt to), and when I stand up, I fall right down...the alcohol had taken away my ability to walk. So if you've ever seen Chappelle's Show where they break Rick James' legs and he crawls away...that was me dragging my drunken self to the bathroom. I managed to stand up and take a piss, then I threw up. I drug myself back to the couch, then my brother and my buddy had to drag me back to my house..it was pathetic, yet hilarious at the same time.

That was the first time I was crippled by alcohol.

CedarPhin
02-20-2009, 03:00 AM
Here's another..I'll tell a few more of these, then I'm headed to bed.

Last year, I lived in the dorms at my University. There were 4 people who lived in the quad..my friend, my brother, and this really weird dude. I mean like really strange, like stab you in your sleep strange.

Anyway...

3 of us all go and sit around the table and start drinking Screwdrivers. We're sitting around, and this goes on for at least 3 hours. My brother and my buddy start drinking beer, but I stay on the Vodka. If you've ever drank Vodka before, you know that if you're sitting down, it goes right to your head when you stand up. So I stand up, and I'm completely blitzed. I walk around the living room, slapping my brother and my friend high fives, then the bizarre dude walks out of his room. I walk up and slap him a high five, then head to the bathroom.

I vaguely remember throwing up. Vaguely. So by this point, everyone else has gone to sleep. I think "**** it", and head to bed.

So the next morning, I get up, feeling like ****, and open my door. There's a note. "That wasn't a nice thing you did...other people need to use the can too, that was really nasty" all scrawled out in the crazy dude's handwriting.

So evidently, the night before, I had thrown up all over the bathroom, and the vomit looked like feces. Then, the crazy dude had gone in and cleaned it all up. Funny stuff.

He moved out about 2 weeks later. Just was never a good fit.

CedarPhin
02-20-2009, 03:04 AM
I'll post a few more drunken bruhaha stories tomorrow. I'm beat, and heading to bed.

Blackocrates
02-20-2009, 03:09 AM
Word. Your stories are funny, but I was really hoping that it was poopy all over the bathroom.

Dolpfan_72
02-20-2009, 03:11 AM
Haha New Years Eve 2004 was wild for everyone is seems. I drank shot after shot after shot of all kinds of stuff because my buddy's wife had been a bartender in her past life. Well, midnight rolls around and I drink about half a bottle of champagne on top of all the rest. Next thing I know I'm in the bathroom coaching myself through my situation looking in the mirror and drinking water from the faucet like a dog. Then I give in to my wobbly legs and curl up with the bath mat as my covers and a roll of toilet paper as my pillow. The headache the next day was no joke. I reigned my drinking in after that night.

CedarPhin
02-20-2009, 03:18 AM
Anyway, I thought I could share a few more.

CedarPhin
02-20-2009, 03:27 AM
First, I'll say that I very rarely get hungover when I drink. I don't know why, but I don't.

Next one up....I get a case of Great White Beer. Some people love it, I think it's nasty, but at the time, it was the only thing that I could find to drink. So I had a few bottles, then some more, then some more. By the end of the night, I'd drank damn near the entire case.

So, I'm over at this house. I'm having a pretty good time, drinking, playing darts, etc. Then it all hits me at once. This would be the second time that I was crippled due to alcohol. So I'd eaten Chinese food that day, and I managed to drag myself to the toilet and throw everything up. I then managed to get on an air mattress and fall asleep.

So the next day, I get up and start walking home. My nose was plugged up. So I start trying to blow everything out of my nose. Finally, the source of the problem revealed itself. It was a bunch of rice from the Chinese food the night before.

That just goes to show you that you shouldn't eat Chinese before you plan on going out for a night of drinking.

JCane
02-20-2009, 04:50 AM
I'm the fun-loving drunk. We get hammered and pull some God awful pranks. We do the absolute worst things to each other.

Dolphins7273
02-20-2009, 06:14 AM
im dunbk rIGHT N0W

Arsenal WV
02-20-2009, 10:02 AM
I'm a pretty happy drunk to be honest. When I get there I talk to everybody, start dancing and tend to flirt a little to much with girls i'd never even think about talking to while sober...


Here's a story, we get smashed in my friends basement, there is about 4 of us. After we finish drinking we head upstairs (or try to). and finally crash. there's 2 beds in the room 1 guy goes to each, i'm sleeping on the air matress and my other buddie is sleeping on the floor. So in the middle of the night i'm awoken by a splashing sound or something like that. I look over and my buddy is pissing on my other buddy while he's asleep in the bed. the guy doesnt know he's getting pissed on. So the guy who pissed on my friend grabs a football trophy cuddles up with it and goes back to bed.

So I wake up the next morning and my 1 buddy walked home, i go to scratch my *** and take a piss and i notice something sticky in my *** (it's not what you think). While I was asleep my buddy went and got a squeezable bottle of grape jelly and squirted it in my *** crack while I was asleep

It was a weird,weird night...


Oh, the best part is my buddy still to this day thinks his pissed himself insted of getting pissed on hahahahaha

Farmer
02-20-2009, 10:31 AM
i'm an emotional drunk, and every now and then touchy too.

one story, in college we were having our end of year banquet (rugby team) and after of course we drink. well, i was wearing those new (at the time) stain defender pants, and we decided to test them out.

i took my pants off at the local bar patio, turned them inside out and took a bourbon&coke bong out of my pants. of course i got kicked out but the bouncers were all laughing their ***** off. later the night i was crying telling all the seniors how much i would miss them

SpurzN703
02-20-2009, 02:23 PM
Do you have a unique behavior whenever you get intoxicated? I don't drink anymore but whenever I did, I always had to throw things. Not things that were meant to be thrown but stupid stuff.

One summer I worked at a boat dock and in the evening we would drink while fishing or what have you. The dock had a big shack/room on it that we worked out of. When I would get drunk I would throw tools (a few expensive ones), chairs, a stereo, old cash register, etc. in the lake. Needless to say, I lost my job because of it. That wasn't the worst.

In college I lived in a high rise dorm. I would often throw beer bottles out the window (I loved hearing the bottles break). I eventually increased the severity and threw my chair and desk out. For some reason I thought I would get away with it, but when they did a quick inventory check I was the odd one out. The chair and desk were old as hell, yet they charged me top dollar to replace them.

I was drinking at a campsite next to a river one night and I had the great idea to shoot my Springfield .45 handgun at the river. After unloading all of my bullets I threw the damned gun in the river. I cried about it for days after I sobbered up.

I threw my wallet on the 8 freeway in San Diego while walking home from Seau's restaurant. For some reason it never turned up. That was a major pain in the rearend renewing everything.

What say you? I know most, if not all of you, do worse. Let's have it.

Dude you sound like the funnest drunk ever. Let's do shots sometime :hump:

CedarPhin
02-20-2009, 02:33 PM
Definitely some pretty good stories so far.

CedarPhin
02-21-2009, 02:04 AM
Here's one for the ages:

One time, I go out drinking with my buddies. At the bar, I end up meeting this older lady, probably in her 40s. So I'm getting plastered, and I tell my friends that I'm going home with this lady, and that they can leave. So I end up going home with this lady. I won't disclose what happened the rest of the night, but I drank some more, and some more then passed out. The next morning, I wake up, completely nude in the kitchen, except for a pair of cowboy boots on. While it may not sound completely embarrassing, it was highlighted by the fact that both of her kids were there, probably the same age as I was, giving me a dirty look.

So I quickly realize the dire straights of my situation, and jump up, run, get my clothes on, excuse myself from the house, and start driving.

At that point, I thought I was in Montana, so I headed towards what I thought was Interstate 90. After passing a few landmarks, I realized that this wasn't the case, that I was in the LA area, and I finally headed to my house.

What a bizarre night it was.

Bumpus
02-21-2009, 02:47 AM
I like to pass drunken time annoying the hell outta my Steeler fan buddies by explaining in great detail (and at full volume) why Dan Marino is the greatest QB to ever live.

BobDole
02-25-2009, 04:28 AM
oh good. where to begin. i'm a whiskey fan myself - which is conveniently the most belligerent type of drunk you can get. but unfortunately, i black out like its cool so most of the time i wake up and ask what the fugg happened last night as opposed to i can't believe i did that - so most of my crazy drunk stories i have are what friends have said i've done. but there are a few i remember.

went to school at UF - gainesville is no joke. my junior year we lived in the back of a neighborhood that was a dead end. 3 of the 4 houses in the cul de sac were occupied by friends of mine. on some game weekends, we would block off the cul de sac (the 1 neighbor wasn't pumped about it but he played ball) and throw intensely huge parties. sometimes they would start the friday night before the game and go on through sunday - not an exaggeration. this was by far my worst year academically and humanitarily.

anyways, during one of these parties my buddy decides to break up with his girlfriend who he just caught cheating on him (turned out she really didn't). he wanted to be mean about it but didn't know how. that's where i came in. i convinced him to call up his girlfriend, be nice and sweet talk her, and tell her to come by and just slip into his room so they could talk and smooth things out. meanwhile, i went and picked up the nastiest transvestite hooker you could ever imagine (we still laugh about the odds of finding this particular one. i didn't intend to get a tranny, but what can you do?) and told him/her that i would give him/her 50 bucks to just come by and sit in my buddy's room for 45 minutes.

he/she, of course, agreed. it was great b/c probably 3/4 of the people there had no idea what we were doing and i show back up with this 'thing' - people looking at me like 'what is wrong with him?' - i pretty much threw out any chance of getting laid that night. we just kind of left him/her in my friend's room and walked out back to watch through the window for the insanity to ensue - there were probably 30 of us that were 'in the know'. so, what do tranny hookers do when left unoccupied in someone's room? they surf the internet and smoke crack, in case anyone wants to know. (it was so funny b/c the whole time we're watching - without his/her knowledge - my buddy is FREAKING out. 'dude, that thing is smoking crack at my desk. what the fugg? make her stop.')

anyways, his girlfriend shows up. she discretely walks back to his room to find this tranny just sitting there in a daze staring at the computer screen. it takes her a few seconds but she flips. you guys have never heard anyone scream like this. i told everyone not to laugh too loud so we wouldn't be discovered by the girlfriend or the tranny - as if that would have made any difference and as if i could control 30 drunk jackasses. we all lost it. the girlfriend (ex now) hears us and figures out what's going on and just runs home. leaves her car at my buddy's and just takes off screaming and crying. the tranny, who is now hip to what we were doing, was not at all pleased. i was able to calm her down and convinced him/her not to do whatever the hell he/she was saying - we knew he/she was threatening us but no one could understand him/her. we threw him/her like 20 more bucks to calm down and chill with us and get drunk.

so, we keep drinking - heavily. it was hilarious b/c the tranny got trashed and told these crazy stories - but we could only make out half the **** that came out of his/her mouth - so we just watched and laughed non-stop for hours. when i told him/her the whole story of why i picked him/her up he/she thought it was pretty damn funny - he/she was just mad i kept her in the dark. to top it all off, at the end of the night when i told him/her that i was way too drunk to drop him/her back off at her 'spot' - which was only like half a mile away - the tranny offered to take a dump on my friend's ex's car for 20 bucks before her walk - and he accepted. so when the girl came to pick her car up the next day there was a giant disgusting crap that had been cooking on the hood of her car in 100 degree gainesville heat all day. too much.

this story is not embellished in the least - this was by far the worst thing i've ever done - especially considering the fact that the girl didn't even cheat. my buddy was just stupid and drunk and jumped to a ridiculous conclusion. i must say that i am not in college anymore and do not do terrible (terribly hilarious, really) things to undeserving people. (i'm probably the only person on earth that gets nostalgic when watching always sunny in philadelphia - now i can just live vicariously through them.) the period between my senior years in high school and college was not healthy and many unfortunate 'things' transpired during this time. i still drink and have fun but i do not do things like this anymore - i don't want people to think i'm some weirdo sociopath. i'm actually a good guy and this type of insanity stopped after i graduated college some years back. and believe me, karma has repaid me in spades.

hope you guys enjoyed this one. there's plenty more where that came from - just not as intense. try not to judge me based on this - please.

CedarPhin
02-25-2009, 04:37 AM
Great story.

tylerdolphin
02-25-2009, 10:21 AM
oh good. where to begin. i'm a whiskey fan myself - which is conveniently the most belligerent type of drunk you can get. but unfortunately, i black out like its cool so most of the time i wake up and ask what the fugg happened last night as opposed to i can't believe i did that - so most of my crazy drunk stories i have are what friends have said i've done. but there are a few i remember.

went to school at UF - gainesville is no joke. my junior year we lived in the back of a neighborhood that was a dead end. 3 of the 4 houses in the cul de sac were occupied by friends of mine. on some game weekends, we would block off the cul de sac (the 1 neighbor wasn't pumped about it but he played ball) and throw intensely huge parties. sometimes they would start the friday night before the game and go on through sunday - not an exaggeration. this was by far my worst year academically and humanitarily.

anyways, during one of these parties my buddy decides to break up with his girlfriend who he just caught cheating on him (turned out she really didn't). he wanted to be mean about it but didn't know how. that's where i came in. i convinced him to call up his girlfriend, be nice and sweet talk her, and tell her to come by and just slip into his room so they could talk and smooth things out. meanwhile, i went and picked up the nastiest transvestite hooker you could ever imagine (we still laugh about the odds of finding this particular one. i didn't intend to get a tranny, but what can you do?) and told him/her that i would give him/her 50 bucks to just come by and sit in my buddy's room for 45 minutes.

he/she, of course, agreed. it was great b/c probably 3/4 of the people there had no idea what we were doing and i show back up with this 'thing' - people looking at me like 'what is wrong with him?' - i pretty much threw out any chance of getting laid that night. we just kind of left him/her in my friend's room and walked out back to watch through the window for the insanity to ensue - there were probably 30 of us that were 'in the know'. so, what do tranny hookers do when left unoccupied in someone's room? they surf the internet and smoke crack, in case anyone wants to know. (it was so funny b/c the whole time we're watching - without his/her knowledge - my buddy is FREAKING out. 'dude, that thing is smoking crack at my desk. what the fugg? make her stop.')

anyways, his girlfriend shows up. she discretely walks back to his room to find this tranny just sitting there in a daze staring at the computer screen. it takes her a few seconds but she flips. you guys have never heard anyone scream like this. i told everyone not to laugh too loud so we wouldn't be discovered by the girlfriend or the tranny - as if that would have made any difference and as if i could control 30 drunk jackasses. we all lost it. the girlfriend (ex now) hears us and figures out what's going on and just runs home. leaves her car at my buddy's and just takes off screaming and crying. the tranny, who is now hip to what we were doing, was not at all pleased. i was able to calm her down and convinced him/her not to do whatever the hell he/she was saying - we knew he/she was threatening us but no one could understand him/her. we threw him/her like 20 more bucks to calm down and chill with us and get drunk.

so, we keep drinking - heavily. it was hilarious b/c the tranny got trashed and told these crazy stories - but we could only make out half the **** that came out of his/her mouth - so we just watched and laughed non-stop for hours. when i told him/her the whole story of why i picked him/her up he/she thought it was pretty damn funny - he/she was just mad i kept her in the dark. to top it all off, at the end of the night when i told him/her that i was way too drunk to drop him/her back off at her 'spot' - which was only like half a mile away - the tranny offered to take a dump on my friend's ex's car for 20 bucks before her walk - and he accepted. so when the girl came to pick her car up the next day there was a giant disgusting crap that had been cooking on the hood of her car in 100 degree gainesville heat all day. too much.

this story is not embellished in the least - this was by far the worst thing i've ever done - especially considering the fact that the girl didn't even cheat. my buddy was just stupid and drunk and jumped to a ridiculous conclusion. i must say that i am not in college anymore and do not do terrible (terribly hilarious, really) things to undeserving people. (i'm probably the only person on earth that gets nostalgic when watching always sunny in philadelphia - now i can just live vicariously through them.) the period between my senior years in high school and college was not healthy and many unfortunate 'things' transpired during this time. i still drink and have fun but i do not do things like this anymore - i don't want people to think i'm some weirdo sociopath. i'm actually a good guy and this type of insanity stopped after i graduated college some years back. and believe me, karma has repaid me in spades.

hope you guys enjoyed this one. there's plenty more where that came from - just not as intense. try not to judge me based on this - please.
Dude...that is probably the hardest I have laughed reading something in forever :lol: