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yungcane
04-06-2009, 04:43 PM
True Story.. a look into my life i guess.

if you guys take the time to read this, thanks, if not, thanks anyways. this is just a way for me to let some pain go. Writing has always been the easiest way of me doing that, other than going into heavy alcohol intake, or smoking weed, which i no longer do being that im on community control and probation...

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April 6th... Everytime this day comes around for the past 6 years now, it hurts more and more... I was a young buck back then. Always with the older friends though. 14 years old hanging out with friends that were 20,21,22. I look back now and its all crazy too me. But i make more sense of it all now, more then ever.

Spring Break 2003, i went to Cuba to meet family, and to meet my father, which i had no recolection of meeting, since i left the country when i was 2 years n 3 days old. It was fun, i loved the people, the music, the food, the vibe.. One night though, i had a feeling my life had changed, i just didnt know exactly how.

Ive had dreams before. Visions, in a way. I always found them to mean something. But this one night, while i was at my father's house, this night was different. I woke up drenched in sweat, tears running down my eyes. I just had a "dream" involving one of my best friends. Fabio. It all felt so real. I dreamt or viewed us at the park, like we normally were, late at night. One of our customers coming through for a pick up. Yes we were young. I was 14, Fabio was 15, but we were so damn good at what we did. Little niggas running around selling pounds of weed to people 10 even 15 years older than us.. We got into a heated argument with the custo because he tried to short us on the money. Fabio went up to hit the guy but the guy pulled out a gun and shot Fabio multiple times... It was then that i woke up in the sweat and tears..

I didnt think nothing of it at that moment. Just a nightmare i believed. I didnt think about it anymore for the next week while i was still enjoying myself with family and friends back in Cuba.

I came back April 15th, 2003. He was the first person i called. I got on the phone, dialed his number and his mom picked up.. I asked to speak to Fabio. She broke down into tears before i even finished the sentence... My heart literally skipped a beat. At that moment i knew something was wrong so i just hung up.. I stayed at home till late at night, when my folks fell asleep, i snuck out like usual.. Went to the park, our spot. Noone was there so i went back home. Two days later, i got back to school, he's not around. Noone wanted to talk to me. Noone looked me in the eye. I went to a friend and asked what happened. While she was telling the story to me, i couldnt help myself. I just burst into tears. My bestfriend, my brother, had been murdered in cold blood.

Shot over a couple grams and little money that was diminutive to our regular pay. I was 14, i had everything i wanted at that point and time. I had the freshest clothes, flyest kicks and my best friend. Everything changed at the moment he died. A part of me died with him.. He was my first real exposure to death of a friend. Ive seen other people die, but nothing was of this magnitude. Ever since then, over the years, ive lost plenty of good friends. Fabio, Itchy, Eddy aka Go-Go, Lil tony, Jessy, Sean, Luis, Mike, P-wee and the list goes on...

Everytime a friend has died, a part of me seems to have died with them. I havent been the same person ever since Fabio. My eyes opened up even more to a cold world. I value life now alot more. It took a few friends passing and me going to jail for another mans crime for me to realize many things in life. But I value a lesson learned. Life is priceless. If you take one away, you cant get it back.

I really dont know why Im writting this all to you all, I dont know if anyone really cares. I guess im doing it because its been a long time coming. Its something ive carried with me for 6 years now and i guess its my way of letting go. Not to forget my lost friends, but to let go of all the pain and anger I have lived with...

The point im trying to make i guess is, Value your real friends because real ones are difficult to come across. And dont take your life for granted. Enjoy every moment and every second. The good and the bad, take it all in for what its worth, for it will make you a better person.

To all those that have passed on, this is for you all. In loving memory, you are all missed deeply. I love yall.

R.I.P to all our friends that have passed and are in a better place now. God Bless

GoonBoss
04-06-2009, 06:23 PM
I'm sorry about your friend. When you are young often times, you have no sense of your mortality. You hear about guys getting shot dealing drugs...But it's never going to happen to you. You head about guys dieing in car wrecks because they are racing or driving when they're blown out, but, it's never going to happen to you. You hear about guys Overdosing....But it's never going to happen to you.

Why?

Because you've got it under control.

The reality is that you don't have it under control. It has YOU under control.

The pain of loss fades with time. These things that are so painful now will start to retreat to a place in your mind that will allow you move on...And to remember the good times as good, and, remember the bad times as a valuable life lesson to pass on to your son some day.

The best four words I can adivse you to look to are "This too shall pass" The best thing you can possibly do to get past the pain, bitterness and suffering of the past, is to energize, mentor, and guide the future.

I lost a number of very close friends in the Army. The pain of loss was very acute and, the pain was like a huge anvil hanging around my neck. Finally, one day I woke up. I had a habit of wearing their ID tags on my neck. It's a thing that my close buds and I did....Exchange ID tags...It wasn't any revelation that hit me out of the sky...I didn't wake up one day and resolved to move on. I woke up....I walked over to my dresser, opened the bottom drawer and put that chain with the 4 tags of some of my closest friends ever in the back corner of that drawer.

My freinds will always be with me, but, they are no longer a source of pain. I'm 41 years old now, and, I'm a better man for knowing them, and learning from their victories and, thier defeats. I'm watching my three sons grow into fine young men, and, I know part of the reason for that is me....And part of me is my freinds.

You owe it to your freinds to live right, and, live well. Learn from the things that were thier failings, and, thier excellence. One day you will no longer be on this earth, and, you have an opportunity to leave this world a better place than when you found it.

dolphinattick
04-06-2009, 06:57 PM
thanks for sharing and i hope that you can find a means that will lead you on to living a great live the rest of your time here on this earth.

PhinzN703
04-06-2009, 07:57 PM
I'm sorry your friends lives ended over something so petty. No one deserves to have their life cut short. I hope you learn from all of this and understand that getting involved in illegal activity won't end up positively.

Locke
04-06-2009, 10:58 PM
I'm sorry about your friend. When you are young often times, you have no sense of your mortality. You hear about guys getting shot dealing drugs...But it's never going to happen to you. You head about guys dieing in car wrecks because they are racing or driving when they're blown out, but, it's never going to happen to you. You hear about guys Overdosing....But it's never going to happen to you.

Why?

Because you've got it under control.

The reality is that you don't have it under control. It has YOU under control.

The pain of loss fades with time. These things that are so painful now will start to retreat to a place in your mind that will allow you move on...And to remember the good times as good, and, remember the bad times as a valuable life lesson to pass on to your son some day.

The best four words I can adivse you to look to are "This too shall pass" The best thing you can possibly do to get past the pain, bitterness and suffering of the past, is to energize, mentor, and guide the future.

I lost a number of very close friends in the Army. The pain of loss was very acute and, the pain was like a huge anvil hanging around my neck. Finally, one day I woke up. I had a habit of wearing their ID tags on my neck. It's a thing that my close buds and I did....Exchange ID tags...It wasn't any revelation that hit me out of the sky...I didn't wake up one day and resolved to move on. I woke up....I walked over to my dresser, opened the bottom drawer and put that chain with the 4 tags of some of my closest friends ever in the back corner of that drawer.

My freinds will always be with me, but, they are no longer a source of pain. I'm 41 years old now, and, I'm a better man for knowing them, and learning from their victories and, thier defeats. I'm watching my three sons grow into fine young men, and, I know part of the reason for that is me....And part of me is my freinds.

You owe it to your freinds to live right, and, live well. Learn from the things that were thier failings, and, thier excellence. One day you will no longer be on this earth, and, you have an opportunity to leave this world a better place than when you found it.

This is one of the most eloquent responses to loss I've ever read Goon. I'm extremely impressed, and I can't even pinpoint why. Much respect....

houtz
04-06-2009, 11:30 PM
Sorry to hear about your friend man. Just keep your chin up and continue to work your way back up. He may not be here but he's watching over you.