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1 dol fan
04-10-2009, 01:00 AM
I decided that we don't share enough stories here on FH and especially in the Lounge.

The lounge is a place where we can goof around and maybe let off some steam.

We have had a wide variety of threads in this particular sub forum from Juan Heron sitings, to questions about love, to the simple question of "what are you thinking about".

It seems to me that the most prolific threads have come from groups such as the 3 AM crew and other such organizations (not gangs). I think it would be best to unite the "Loungies" with something that almost all of us have to deal with everyday... Work.

I know you fellas have some really funny and absurd stories from your years in the workforce and I demand them.... now!

Gonzo
04-10-2009, 01:13 AM
This one time at work, I logged onto Finheaven and posted in a thread in the lounge called "Workplace stories." 'Twas awesome.

1 dol fan
04-10-2009, 01:19 AM
This one time at work, I logged onto Finheaven and posted in a thread in the lounge called "Workplace stories." 'Twas awesome.
Sounds pretty awesome... one time, I was really bad at sensing sarcasm and thought a story about someone logging into FH at work and posting in a thread called Workplace stories was neat.

1 dol fan
04-10-2009, 11:52 AM
Anyone....

fatkirstyalley
08-07-2009, 04:50 PM
I saw Juan Heron at the Champs in the Avenues mall in jacksonville florida.

FinFrenzy
08-07-2009, 05:12 PM
Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.

This time of year the water is quite cool. So here's what we do to keep warm: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, doesn't it? I've used it several times with no complaints.

When I get to the bottom and start working, what I do is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck and flood my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until my *** started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my itchy *** started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

In agony I realized what had happened. The hot-water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than poison ivy under a cast. I had put that hose down my back, but I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My *** crack was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ***. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communications system. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he and 5 other divers were laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 hellish in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears of laughter streaming down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to coat my *** when I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my buthole was swollen shut.

We've since modified the equipment to filter out most sea creatures.

Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to squash a jellyfish on your ***. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable.







Alright fine it came from an email to me that I found out came from the darwin awards in turn it came to be a urban legend...:lol: funny still the same

FinFrenzy
08-07-2009, 05:20 PM
Alright last one, I'm trying to collect disability:


This one needs an introduction, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man was in an accident at work, so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This was his response:

"I am writing in response to your request for additional information, for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools."


"You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel."

"Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope..."

FinFrenzy
08-07-2009, 06:02 PM
In all honesty I own a small used car lot and auto mechanic shop.

I can make you cry with laughter over stories...

Recent customer yelling today:

You sold me a 2000 neon; car wasn't properly maintained by previous owner I want my money back. (She hydro-locked the engine by driving under 3 feet of water)



A husband and her wife bought a 97 Sebring convertible 3 weeks ago.
She came in to pick up her tag and I said hi how are you doing. She said terrible the car has given her nothing but problems. I replied sorry to hear that what happened. She began to explain that 3 days after she bought it she side swiped another car. I replied I'm sorry. Then she told me she ran over a beer bottle and blew out her two rear tires. I replied (trying to be diplomatic, I mean I obviously sold a lemon right?) Finally she told me her husband hit the back end of another car last week and got a DUI. I finally blurted it out that, that was her and her husband's fault not the car's fault.

Well today I received a wonderful phone call which entailed 15 minutes of screaming which consisted of How do you live with yourself? How do you sleep at night? I started becoming agitated and yelled who is this? The person yelled back the person you screwed over with this lemon piece of crap sebring convertible (Mind you she was slurring)

"What happened now?" I replied

"You know full well, what the hell you did!" she exclaimed

"What?" I responded

"You took my factory rims off of the car before I bought it and put these bent ones on the car." She screamed. Obviously spitting into the phone as she spoke.

"Umm...you probably bent a rim in one of your accidents or when you blew out your tires, but we would be happy to repair it for you." I calmly replied.

"Your paying for it!" she demanded!

"No!" I responded, adding "pretty cheap for you, you just bought the car 1 rim and tire, I will do it for $75."

About 2 minutes of uninterupted swearing came over the phone, the only words I could make out were; used car scum, scammer, cheat, *******, and several other the profanity filter won't allow.

Finally after her tirade she yelled over the phone, "How do you eat at night?"

At which point I was finished with this nutcase, I calmly responded; "Steak & Lobster thanks to you." and hung up the phone.

GoonBoss
08-07-2009, 07:34 PM
Oh....the stories.....Dude, I could not possibly begin to related them because lots of them are sort of NSFW...Ok...Well, here's one;

I am the site commander of a security detail at Case-New Holland in Racine, WI....2003 I think? I'm not sure. You can google it. It was a pretty big deal.
http://www.laborradio.org/node/490
There you go...ANYWAYS...

It's like...December. Cold as hell, snowing all the time. The company had the replacement workers driving thier own vehicles to work...(Which I adivsed agasint). Never mind...I've only been doing the job for 5 years at this point and have more than 50 strikes under my belt, but.....Hey, a retired cop from Rock Island IL (Corporate Security Dusche) knows more than I do about strikes.

ANYWAY.....

Predictabley the replacement workers and the picketers start having words. One day, it all blows up. It's about 0500, snow pouring down like rain in a hurricane and, some ******* replacement worker give one ot the pickets the finger. Well, about 300 UAW workers and assorted sympathisers just descend upon the car, and, start rocking it and shaking it.

I'm standing about 5 meters off the picket line with one of my videographers, and, he looks over at me and says...."What now LT?"

I look at the mob and go..."Well, I reckon I'm going to have to stop them from killing that stupid ****er."

He goes..."You aren't going out there are you?"

"Just keep the camera rolling. I want the beating I'm about to take on film." I say...

so, out I trudge. I'm a fairly large guy. About 6'1 and 260 at the time. I wade out into the angry mob. I go through, calmly but authoritativly saying ; "Excuse me please." Excuse me. Excuse me sir. Thank you. Excuse me..." etc, until I get up to the car. The pickets literally hand the car about halfway over.

"HEY! EXCUSE ME! GUYS!" I bark...(My old military voice..Not quite a yell, but louder than a loud voice with emphasis on the right sylables) They all literally look around at me at once, holding the car up tilted.

"Could you put the car down please?" I ask.

They all look at each other, and, then, slowly, they let the car back down. The crowd has gone from screaming rage to absolute calm. I walk over to the car window, glare at the replacement worker, who started the whole thing and, bark out.."Don't you say a ****ING word! You drive SLOWLY and REPECTFULLY into that plant and, SHUT your ****ING mouth!"

The poor guy was white as a ghost. He just looks in front of him. I look, and, there are literally guys 5 deep blocking his way.

I say; "Fellahs, could you please let him into the plant?"

They all look at each other and slowly, part like the red sea. I motion to the driver to go, and, say..."Thanks guys. I appreciate it." and, walk back across the property line.

My guys were all..."Holy ****! We though you was gonna get skull drug! "

lol....

I got pretty lucky that day. I guess it was like the ultimate surprise attack.

WeVie
08-07-2009, 11:40 PM
Here is a good one for ya.

I work on a drill rig.
http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2009/08/100_4152-1.jpg

I caught a guy whacking off in the dog house, which is the trailer to the right if the rig in the picture. He did not know I caught him. He had his back turned, thank god! We of course told everyone in the company and we all made fun of him behind his back.

About a month later, another guy we worked with caught him again!!! He walked in on him on not knowing he was in there so he knew he was caught that time. Didn't even seem that embarrassed. Of course we told everyone again and his new name became JACK!

Bobby Humphrey
08-08-2009, 02:09 AM
Here is a good one for ya.

I work on a drill rig.
http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2009/08/100_4152-1.jpg

I caught a guy whacking off in the dog house, which is the trailer to the right if the rig in the picture. He did not know I caught him. He had his back turned, thank god! We of course told everyone in the company and we all made fun of him behind his back.

About a month later, another guy we worked with caught him again!!! He walked in on him on not knowing he was in there so he knew he was caught that time. Didn't even seem that embarrassed. Of course we told everyone again and his new name became JACK!

You work with Rob Konrad's dad?

PassRush
08-09-2009, 12:28 PM
I work Security/Police for one of the major bases in the Hampton Roads area. We were on the boat one day, and we had been warned about diver threats(hajis getting to the ship with scuba gear). A sentry called us about bubbles and somebody wearing a grey dive suit momentarily surfacing in the water near the Carrier pier. We responded, lights/sirens, guns hot. We saw bubbles and were advised to use force. We drop a G911 concussion grenade. We hear a light pop and a dozen dead fish float up to the surface. Seconds later, our threat floats up...


A bottlenose Dolphin.

WeVie
08-09-2009, 01:54 PM
You work with Rob Konrad's dad?


HUH?