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dolphan39
10-16-2003, 05:09 PM
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. "Well, sir," is the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ...m-m-m.... urges. That's why we have the camel, sir." The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replies, "they just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

sorry any Poles



A man enters a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like to buy some polish sausage."

"Are you Polish?" asks the clerk.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am," the man replies. "But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"

"Well, no," answers the clerk.

With deep self-righteous indignation, the man says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I asked for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."




20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A
Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They want fries
with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten
Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Dont Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry RecitalAnd Ask Why The Poems Don 't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds
All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their
Party because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,
Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell! Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going
To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

20. Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.. Its Called
Therapy...