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View Full Version : fin fan hip-hop listeners, i need your help



yungcane
05-17-2009, 02:40 PM
im trying to get a job with a hip-hop mag and they got me working on a few trial projects first. one of them is to write an album review in less than 100 words, of an album that came out in the past 12 months. i reviewed the new Jadakiss album and i need your honest opinions of my review before i submit it. thanks in advance.


http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2009/05/jadakiss_the_last_kiss_official_cd_-1.jpg


Jadakiss is back in a long awaited, yet another under stimulating and underachieving album. The Last Kiss, Jada’s latest attempt at commercial recognition to back up his statement of “Top 5 dead or alive,” seems to fall short. The Yonkers native comes out swinging hard with “Pain & Torture” but fails to go the distance. Promising tracks like “Cartel Gathering” ft. Ghostface Killah & Raekwon are overlooked thanks to tracks like the Mary J. Blige assisted “Grind Hard” and her surprisingly dull and annoying vocals. Overall, it has too many guest appearances and an unmotivated ’Kiss.

GoonBoss
05-17-2009, 05:57 PM
I don't listen to hip hop, but a review is a review is a review. I thought it was pretty well written and succinct. My only suggestion is why point out he's a Yonkers native? Is the pulbication targeted and NYC area audiences? If so, I could understand. If not, you might take those words and make or amplify one or another of the points you made. Not a major thing though.

#1 Fan
05-17-2009, 06:05 PM
i'd start it off with "jadakiss returns in a long awaited . . . " because "returns" is a more active verb than "is." also, would be more concise.

i'd take out "seems to fall short" and replace it with "falls short" for the same reason.

GoonBoss
05-17-2009, 06:15 PM
i'd start it off with "jadakiss returns in a long awaited . . . " because "returns" is a more active verb than "is." also, would be more concise.

i'd take out "seems to fall short" and replace it with "falls short" for the same reason.

Good points. "Return" also saves a word. The "falls short" thing is a good point as well. The reviewer should be confident in his review.

yungcane
05-18-2009, 04:19 AM
thanks guys. points well taken.