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syborg
08-31-2009, 06:26 PM
I married 2 yrs ago and we have a small son who is 19 months
My mother in law is unstable and so has no access to her grandson but is fighting us through the court to be allowed to see him.
All the professionals involved think she should only be allowed indirect access,

Now I earn to much to get help with legal fees and so as a result to contribute to the bills I sold my laptop and PS3. . both hurtful things to do.

Well my wife does not work. . but does stay home to take care of the kids. . a 7 yr old (in school) and a 4 yr old starts 1st Sept and our baby boy.

As she does not earn I have got her contract phone which is up just this week.
She is upset we sold the laptop and wants it replaced I am upset I sold the PS3 and want it replaced. . she said therefore we should get a wii as a compromise and a family gift for xmas.
Now some moblie contracts in the UK give you a free gift. . laptop; wii; ps3; psp etc. .now she suggested getting the wii on a new contract. . now remember she cant get a contract on account of her not earning. . I said we should replace the PS3 as it is more expensive than the wii and we can find cash for the wii if she really wanted it.

BOY was I wrong. . wow,. . I got all manner of argument about how Im selfish it was her contract and her choice etc. .

A wii in the UK is about 125-150 whereas a PS3 is about 300+ no brainer right. .

She agreed we would replace the ps3 but wants a cheap free gift over an expensive one. . is it me or is she being stoopid and narrow minded with the cash she does not 'earn' while taking 'my' credit rating as her own. .she has stormed to bed now and ignored me for ocver an hour over this. . who do you think is in the right. .

Tetragrammaton
08-31-2009, 06:31 PM
That is a question that men have asked for hundreds of years, my friend.

normaldude
08-31-2009, 06:40 PM
Where did the 7 yr old and 4 yr old kids come from? From her previous marriage, or your previous marriage?

Either way, I think game systems like PS3/Wii/PSP are unnecessary toys. In fact, they could turn your kids into obese, anti-social, drooling morons.

On the other hand, a laptop can be a real productivity tool, with access to the internet, information, free tutorials, cheap $3/month skype VoIP unlimited calling, cheaper online prices for certain items, etc. And with the laptop, you can play lots of free flash games online, if you really want to waste some time with video games.

syborg
08-31-2009, 06:43 PM
Where did the 7 yr old and 4 yr old kids come from? From her previous marriage, or your previous marriage?

Either way, I think game systems like PS3/Wii/PSP are unnecessary toys. In fact, they could turn your kids into obese, anti-social, drooling morons.

On the other hand, a laptop can be a real productivity tool, with access to the internet, information, free tutorials, cheap $3/month skype VoIP unlimited calling, cheaper online prices for certain items, etc. And with the laptop, you can play lots of free flash games online, if you really want to waste some time with video games.

7 and 4 yr old from her previous. . dont really need a laptop as we have this PC. . she wants a laptop over a game system when we have a PC already.. are you kiddin me. .??

normaldude
08-31-2009, 06:52 PM
7 and 4 yr old from her previous. . dont really need a laptop as we have this PC. . she wants a laptop over a game system when we have a PC already.. are you kiddin me. .??

In your household, you have 2-3 people who will want to use the computer. For your household, I personally think 2 computers is better than 1 computer & 1 game system.

Every minute that your child is on a game system is a minute wasted.

At least with a computer, he will learn more. Heck, simply banging away on a keyboard, improving his typing skills, and learning to gather information around the internet will be useful in most future jobs - whether he ends up as an banking analyst, lawyer, or biologist.

Anyway, you're a braver man than I. There's no way I would marry a single mom, and take care of some other guy's kids.

syborg
08-31-2009, 06:55 PM
In your household, you have 2-3 people who will want to use the computer. For your household, I personally think 2 computers is better than 1 computer & 1 game system.

Every minute that your child is on a game system is a minute wasted.

At least with a computer, he will learn more. Heck, simply banging away on a keyboard, improving his typing skills, and learning to gather information around the internet will be useful in most future jobs - whether he ends up as an banking analyst, lawyer, or biologist.

Anyway, you're a braver man than I. There's no way I would marry a single mom, and take care of some other guy's kids.

PS3 is for me. . blue ray. . internet access and a game console. . kids have ps2 in the bedrooms . . as well as tvs and video/dvd players. .

normaldude
08-31-2009, 07:11 PM
kids have ps2 in the bedrooms . .

In my opinion, I really think this is a mistake.

I think it would be better to have your kids on computers, learning new things from free tutorials, whether it be C++/PHP/MySQL, Wilderness Survival, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, or Personal Finance.

By age 12, your kid could set up a website like finheaven.com, and be generating money from ad revenue, learning about running a small business, etc. It could be a father & son operation, and a good learning experience.

Then you and your kids can watch some wilderness survival videos, and head to the woods for a weekend where you practice building shelters, starting fires with a bow drill, building a figure four trap, and catching & eating squirrels.

I think that would be a more productive childhood experience than playing video games on a PS2.

Bumpus
08-31-2009, 11:15 PM
:lol:
Why are wives so annoying?
:lol:

Because they won't leave after sex.



... Or, maybe that's part of why I'm single. :lol:

Bumpus
08-31-2009, 11:17 PM
Also, you may be missing the point ... Just think about how much porn you could store on a new laptop. :up:

rob19
09-01-2009, 01:13 AM
In my opinion, I really think this is a mistake.

I think it would be better to have your kids on computers, learning new things from free tutorials, whether it be C++/PHP/MySQL, Wilderness Survival, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, or Personal Finance.

By age 12, your kid could set up a website like finheaven.com, and be generating money from ad revenue, learning about running a small business, etc. It could be a father & son operation, and a good learning experience.

Then you and your kids can watch some wilderness survival videos, and head to the woods for a weekend where you practice building shelters, starting fires with a bow drill, building a figure four trap, and catching & eating squirrels.

I think that would be a more productive childhood experience than playing video games on a PS2.

:tumbleweed:

Possum
09-01-2009, 01:21 AM
:lol:
Why are wives so annoying?
:lol:

Because they won't leave after sex.



... Or, maybe that's part of why I'm single. :lol:
thats why you should go back to vegas. :up:

GoonBoss
09-01-2009, 03:47 AM
The fundamental thing you have to accept is that your family is a single entity. There really is no more "you" and "she". You are a unit. Your money is not "your" money...It's the family's money. If you have an issue with that, you should not have gotten married.

As far as the laptop and the game system; I don't see it as a big deal. I have a family of 5 and we make do on 2 CPUs. Not everyone gets on when and for how long they want, but that's the breaks. We make do with an old X box for the kids and a PSII for me and the wife..And the kids if availiable.

I've missed out on lots of things in my life because of my family. My wife has only occasionally worked outside the home. The true value of her contribution has been to raise 3 fine young men as I was busting my hump in the Army, and then in contract security after I got out, staying gone for months at a time.

As it turns out, my sons are more valueable to me than a PS3, or another whizbang toy. I'd love to buy another AR-15, or get a new car.....Or a PS3....But you know what? Ultimately, they are just unecessary toys. My sons, even though they are hers through her first husband amaze me every day. My middle son, Travis just recently cut all his hiar 19 inches of it, off and sent it to "Locks Of Love" to help kids with cancer when he heard about the organization....It brought me to tears just to think what a great man he'll be. It was a feeling worth every missed game of Madden, and every minute that I couldn't spend on the internet.

Now, I've been married 13, going on 14 years now, so, take my adivce for what it's worth.

Give it the night. At this point everyone's mad, so, just get a little space for a bit. Tomorrow, approach it like you guys are a team. Explain to her that you see this as a family issue, and that you are a unit, so you both have to make some sacrifices for the betterment of the family. I would also approach it by saying that I was sorry for coming off as selfish, and not putting the family first, but that I feel that she was also being selfish and not putting the family first. A dual, in depth analysis of the family finances might shed some light on how many of these things your really "need" and just really "want".

The biggest thing in any financial situation is identifying your "wants" and "needs". Propose mutual sacrifices.

1. Her sacrifice might be to take the mobile contract she might not like as much, in order to be able to get a more valuable asset for your family unit. That way she gets the laptop that she would like, while also getting a phone.

2. Your sacrifice might be waiting until Christmas to get the PS3 which would be the Christmas gift to the family (presumeing you all use it), and you'd accept that as "your gift" as well.

I really think that if you approach her with an appoligetic tone, and, a sincere desire to identify and solve the issues at hand, as a family, for the ultimate good of the family, and, not both of you as individuals, she'll respond well to it.

BTW...The second year of marriage is very hard. It's where all the "Yay, we're married" stuff sort of wears off and you're stuck with..."****...Where am I and how did I get here?"

I share your pain, as well. I'm going to sell my baby..My AR-15..to a co-worker. I love that gun as much as a man can love an inanimate object, but the funds I can generate selling it simply are more valueable to my family than my desire to keep it.

Finfang
09-01-2009, 12:49 PM
The fundamental thing you have to accept is that your family is a single entity. There really is no more "you" and "she". You are a unit. Your money is not "your" money...It's the family's money. If you have an issue with that, you should not have gotten married.

As far as the laptop and the game system; I don't see it as a big deal. I have a family of 5 and we make do on 2 CPUs. Not everyone gets on when and for how long they want, but that's the breaks. We make do with an old X box for the kids and a PSII for me and the wife..And the kids if availiable.

I've missed out on lots of things in my life because of my family. My wife has only occasionally worked outside the home. The true value of her contribution has been to raise 3 fine young men as I was busting my hump in the Army, and then in contract security after I got out, staying gone for months at a time.

As it turns out, my sons are more valueable to me than a PS3, or another whizbang toy. I'd love to buy another AR-15, or get a new car.....Or a PS3....But you know what? Ultimately, they are just unecessary toys. My sons, even though they are hers through her first husband amaze me every day. My middle son, Travis just recently cut all his hiar 19 inches of it, off and sent it to "Locks Of Love" to help kids with cancer when he heard about the organization....It brought me to tears just to think what a great man he'll be. It was a feeling worth every missed game of Madden, and every minute that I couldn't spend on the internet.

Now, I've been married 13, going on 14 years now, so, take my adivce for what it's worth.

Give it the night. At this point everyone's mad, so, just get a little space for a bit. Tomorrow, approach it like you guys are a team. Explain to her that you see this as a family issue, and that you are a unit, so you both have to make some sacrifices for the betterment of the family. I would also approach it by saying that I was sorry for coming off as selfish, and not putting the family first, but that I feel that she was also being selfish and not putting the family first. A dual, in depth analysis of the family finances might shed some light on how many of these things your really "need" and just really "want".

The biggest thing in any financial situation is identifying your "wants" and "needs". Propose mutual sacrifices.

1. Her sacrifice might be to take the mobile contract she might not like as much, in order to be able to get a more valuable asset for your family unit. That way she gets the laptop that she would like, while also getting a phone.

2. Your sacrifice might be waiting until Christmas to get the PS3 which would be the Christmas gift to the family (presumeing you all use it), and you'd accept that as "your gift" as well.

I really think that if you approach her with an appoligetic tone, and, a sincere desire to identify and solve the issues at hand, as a family, for the ultimate good of the family, and, not both of you as individuals, she'll respond well to it.

BTW...The second year of marriage is very hard. It's where all the "Yay, we're married" stuff sort of wears off and you're stuck with..."****...Where am I and how did I get here?"

I share your pain, as well. I'm going to sell my baby..My AR-15..to a co-worker. I love that gun as much as a man can love an inanimate object, but the funds I can generate selling it simply are more valueable to my family than my desire to keep it.

These words ring so true! Being a family man myself and a husband of 13 years I can truly say that this might be the Most Valuable Post I have read on FH in a long,long time.

Well done sir!

Vaark
09-01-2009, 01:07 PM
Goonie shared some invaluable personal insight. The problem is, in the back of our minds, we know our priorities but regrettably, at least in my case, there are other behavioral dynamics at play that easily sabotage them. But having been there a few times, if I could redo some things, no question I'd have done things differently given the perspective of a long view... and a few times.

Beyond that, I've long believed that there's some metallurgic toxin insidiously embedded in women's gold wedding bands by the Wedding Band Industry for the purpose of creating multiple marriages since we really never learn. This toxicity has an even greater negative effect on married women that does any of their monthly "crosses-to-bear" or postpartum depressions. It is what it is.

cowboy82nd
09-04-2009, 09:37 PM
The fundamental thing you have to accept is that your family is a single entity. There really is no more "you" and "she". You are a unit. Your money is not "your" money...It's the family's money. If you have an issue with that, you should not have gotten married.

As far as the laptop and the game system; I don't see it as a big deal. I have a family of 5 and we make do on 2 CPUs. Not everyone gets on when and for how long they want, but that's the breaks. We make do with an old X box for the kids and a PSII for me and the wife..And the kids if availiable.

I've missed out on lots of things in my life because of my family. My wife has only occasionally worked outside the home. The true value of her contribution has been to raise 3 fine young men as I was busting my hump in the Army, and then in contract security after I got out, staying gone for months at a time.

As it turns out, my sons are more valueable to me than a PS3, or another whizbang toy. I'd love to buy another AR-15, or get a new car.....Or a PS3....But you know what? Ultimately, they are just unecessary toys. My sons, even though they are hers through her first husband amaze me every day. My middle son, Travis just recently cut all his hiar 19 inches of it, off and sent it to "Locks Of Love" to help kids with cancer when he heard about the organization....It brought me to tears just to think what a great man he'll be. It was a feeling worth every missed game of Madden, and every minute that I couldn't spend on the internet.

Now, I've been married 13, going on 14 years now, so, take my adivce for what it's worth.

Give it the night. At this point everyone's mad, so, just get a little space for a bit. Tomorrow, approach it like you guys are a team. Explain to her that you see this as a family issue, and that you are a unit, so you both have to make some sacrifices for the betterment of the family. I would also approach it by saying that I was sorry for coming off as selfish, and not putting the family first, but that I feel that she was also being selfish and not putting the family first. A dual, in depth analysis of the family finances might shed some light on how many of these things your really "need" and just really "want".

The biggest thing in any financial situation is identifying your "wants" and "needs". Propose mutual sacrifices.

1. Her sacrifice might be to take the mobile contract she might not like as much, in order to be able to get a more valuable asset for your family unit. That way she gets the laptop that she would like, while also getting a phone.

2. Your sacrifice might be waiting until Christmas to get the PS3 which would be the Christmas gift to the family (presumeing you all use it), and you'd accept that as "your gift" as well.

I really think that if you approach her with an appoligetic tone, and, a sincere desire to identify and solve the issues at hand, as a family, for the ultimate good of the family, and, not both of you as individuals, she'll respond well to it.

BTW...The second year of marriage is very hard. It's where all the "Yay, we're married" stuff sort of wears off and you're stuck with..."****...Where am I and how did I get here?"

I share your pain, as well. I'm going to sell my baby..My AR-15..to a co-worker. I love that gun as much as a man can love an inanimate object, but the funds I can generate selling it simply are more valueable to my family than my desire to keep it.


Wow GoonBoss, you are my hero.

Bumpus
09-05-2009, 01:27 AM
Damn, bro ... You've gotta sell your rifle?

What the hell is this world coming to? :(

GoonBoss
09-05-2009, 01:55 AM
Damn, bro ... You've gotta sell your rifle?

What the hell is this world coming to? :(

Nah...Don't HAVE to...It's more a matter of option. Things are better now than they've been for the better part of a year, but I'm still catching up on bills and would like to get that done.

Don't for a moment think i don't have guns :)

GoonBoss
09-05-2009, 01:57 AM
Wow GoonBoss, you are my hero.

:chuckle:

People tend to think that once you get married that the problems are over. In reality, they are just beginning. You have to want to be married to stay married.

cowboy82nd
09-05-2009, 10:11 AM
Happily married for nine years now, going on ten. But you hit it right on the head. First off, it's do you want to still be married and if you do, it's more of a team concept then an individual thing. I look at things now as what's better for the family as to what's better for me. Wife and kids come first in my life now. That's a big change from when I was single.

SpurzN703
09-05-2009, 10:55 AM
I had video games growing up and I'm not an obese drooling moron!

GoonBoss
09-05-2009, 01:47 PM
I had video games growing up and I'm not an obese drooling moron!Sure about that?:rimshot:

Finch83
09-08-2009, 08:56 PM
Since YOU are the one bringing in the money...it should be your choice. And she should understand that. End of story.