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GoonBoss
01-06-2010, 04:29 AM
By popular demand....And by "Popular demand" I mean "A friend of mine may or may not have suggested it"...I bring you, the lucky patrons of Finheaven.com a new feature.

"Ask Doctor GoonBoss" will be a forum in which I, GoonBoss, will answer any question that any of you may have about anything. Relationships, politics, religion, your job, your pets, and your relationships to any of the afore mentioned are all perfectly fair game for Dr. Goon......Because I know more than you and I'm always right.

So, without further adieu;

ASK Doctor GoonBoss.


Dr GoonBoss may or may not be a doctor of anything. The advice may or may not be good. If bad stuff happens, too bad, so sad. Finheaven isn't responsible for you being a ******* because you take all the risk on yourself by following this advice sucko.

Myles Fynch
01-06-2010, 10:42 AM
I guess I'll get this started...

Dr. GoonBoss:

Why are politicians evil, stupid, and hypocritical?

And for my followup...

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Playboy Bunny?

WVDolphan
01-06-2010, 11:14 AM
Dear Dr. Goon,

Why does placing an Ohio liscense plate on the back of a car automatically make the driver of said vehicle be a total ****tard while driving on the interstate? Is there something about the plate that requires the vehicle it is on to drive 2mph over the speed limit in the passing lane?

SwimminInIndy
01-06-2010, 11:29 AM
Dr. Goon,

What can I do about my wife's OCD? Anything bad that comes out of our relationship is directly or indirectly because of that. What should I do?

Vaark
01-06-2010, 11:38 AM
Dear Doc GoonB

Hopefully you can help me. This has been a bad year besides the Fins. My wife is threatening to leave me if I don't reform my bad habits, the bank has given me 30 days to get current on my mortgage before they foreclose on my house, I suspect my teenage daughter is having a physical relationship with her best friend, and my anti-social muzzled aged pitbull got loose and ran away.


My question: what's the best way to find a lost dog and how big a reward should I offer?

GoonBoss
01-06-2010, 11:46 AM
I guess I'll get this started...

Dr. GoonBoss:

Why are politicians evil, stupid, and hypocritical?

And for my followup...

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Playboy Bunny?

Thank you for your questions.

1. Because we permit them to be. Why would they not be?

2. I'm not sure, but it's going to take all night.

Myles Fynch
01-06-2010, 11:47 AM
Dear Doc GoonB

Hopefully you can help me. This has been a bad year besides the Fins. My wife is threatening to leave me if I don't reform my bad habits, the bank has given me 30 days to get current on my mortgage before they foreclose on my house, I suspect my teenage daughter is having a physical relationship with her best friend, and my anti-social muzzled aged pitbull got loose and ran away.


My question: what's the best way to find a lost dog and how big a reward should I offer?


LOL. Reminds me of this classic:


FBI Agent (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0669653/): Mrs. Curtis, did you hear me? It's your husband's life or your case of Wonka Bars.
Mrs. Curtis (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0543582/): How long will they give me to think it over?

GoonBoss
01-06-2010, 11:53 AM
Dear Dr. Goon,

Why does placing an Ohio liscense plate on the back of a car automatically make the driver of said vehicle be a total ****tard while driving on the interstate? Is there something about the plate that requires the vehicle it is on to drive 2mph over the speed limit in the passing lane?

It is a commonly known fact that the I 470 bridge near Wheeling was built so that people from Ohio could swim over to West Virginia in the shade.

Look inwards, breathe and repeat; "At least they aren't from Michigan" over and over.

Also, you must look at the bright side of this situation. At least they got their Yugo Metros up TO the speed limit. Why don't you make the effort to meet them halfway?

Dolphins7273
01-06-2010, 11:55 AM
Dr. GoonBoss, why do white people love Wayne Brady so much?

GoonBoss
01-06-2010, 12:08 PM
Dr. Goon,

What can I do about my wife's OCD? Anything bad that comes out of our relationship is directly or indirectly because of that. What should I do?

All women are OCD. It's just who they are. The sooner you accept this the better. Complaining about a woman's OCD is like complaining about wings being on a bird..........Well, except Penguins...Then they are more like fins...Regardless of this the allegory stands.

I'm glad you asked this question. I can now roll out some of my rules of life that I can provide for you free of charge. I call these; "Goonisms".

#1; Determine what can be done, and what you are prepared to do to resolve the situation.

#2; Make a plan and execute that plan.

This assumes you are ready to make a change in the relationship. If you are really content with the status quo, quit bitching and make me some waffles. If you are ready to make a change, find out what you can do, what you are willing to do, and, do it.

In my generation it was thought that a swift backhand got women focused and in line. I don't recommend that. Instead I recommend researching doctors in your area that treat OCD, and suggest that you both attend counseling sessions for it after you sit down with her in a loving, non confrontational way and talk. Accept blame for part of the problem and, acknowledge that you need to get better......Even if you don't....Because you probably do. Then, lay out the options available treatment options.

Remember; You are supposedly in love with this woman. Every step you take towards resolution should be taken with that in mind. It's not a hammer.

Ricky_Fan34
01-06-2010, 12:12 PM
Doctor Goonboss...

Why is it that when snow is even mentioned, everyone rushes to the local grocery store as if the world is about to end?

GoonBoss
01-06-2010, 12:20 PM
Dear Doc GoonB

Hopefully you can help me. This has been a bad year besides the Fins. My wife is threatening to leave me if I don't reform my bad habits, the bank has given me 30 days to get current on my mortgage before they foreclose on my house, I suspect my teenage daughter is having a physical relationship with her best friend, and my anti-social muzzled aged pitbull got loose and ran away.


My question: what's the best way to find a lost dog and how big a reward should I offer?




My professional opinion is that you are a mess, and, everything you touch turns to ****. Consider staying in a dark room and developing a cough syrup habit. Whatever you do, don't touch anything, influence anyone's life, or post on the internet.

Look inward. The reason your dog ran away is probably there.

Also, understand there are worse things than being a lesbian. At least you don't have to worry about babies.

GoonBoss
01-06-2010, 12:22 PM
Doctor Goonboss...

Why is it that when snow is even mentioned, everyone rushes to the local grocery store as if the world is about to end?

Because people are idiots.

Well, except for you and I. We're cool.

Vaark
01-06-2010, 12:40 PM
My professional opinion is that you are a mess, and, everything you touch turns to ****. Consider staying in a dark room and developing a cough syrup habit. Whatever you do, don't touch anything, influence anyone's life, or post on the internet.

Look inward. The reason your dog ran away is probably there.

Also, understand there are worse things than being a lesbian. At least you don't have to worry about babies.

Thank you doc for helping me glimpse the forest from the trees. I am heeding your advice and will give up oxycontin for cough syrup as soon as my dirty script runs out. I will liberate my wife, setting her free to pursue her own adventures and challenges. And most importantly, after collecting up Alyssa Milano and Danica Patrick, the 3 of us will lock ourselves away in a dark room for as long as it takes to prove or disprove your philosophy on lesbianism.

As to my dog, you're right, I shouldn't sweat it. He's wearing a tag and as soon as the ASPCA swoops him up for attacking an old lady or poodle I'm sure they will call me to discuss the next step.

Your taking the time out of your busy schedule to tweak, if not outright recalibrate your troubled fellow FHers lives is much appreciated although we who know you, would expect nothing less.

Myles Fynch
01-06-2010, 12:47 PM
Dr. GoonBoss,

After Mike Shanahan cuts Jason Campbell later today, should I start a thread suggesting we pick him up in the Dolphin section, the general NFL section, or put it in the Spam section because Redskins have Hogs and Hogs are pigs and pigs are ham and spam is made out of ham and stuff?

Just trying to keep FH tidy.

Thx!

GoonBoss
01-06-2010, 12:47 PM
Thank you doc for helping me glimpse the forest from the trees. I am heeding your advice and will give up oxycontin for cough syrup as soon as my dirty script runs out. I will liberate my wife, setting her free to pursue her own adventures and challenges. And most importantly, after collecting up Alyssa Milano and Danica Patrick, the 3 of us will lock ourselves away in a dark room for as long as it takes to prove or disprove your philosophy on lesbianism.

As to my dog, you're right, I shouldn't sweat it. He's wearing a tag and as soon as the ASPCA swoops him up for attacking an old lady or poodle I'm sure they will call me to discuss the next step.

Your taking the time out of your busy schedule to tweak, if not outright recalibrate your troubled fellow FHers lives is much appreciated although we who know you, would expect nothing less.

Just serving my community. You're welcome.

Bobby Humphrey
01-06-2010, 01:00 PM
Why do my arms fall asleep when i sneeze?

GoonBoss
01-06-2010, 01:50 PM
Why do my arms fall asleep when i sneeze?

Inoperable brain tumor.

Bumpus
01-06-2010, 06:07 PM
Dr. Goonboss,

Which movie is more awesome: Red Dawn or Big Trouble in Little China?

Ricky_Fan34
01-06-2010, 06:30 PM
Doctor Goon Boss...

Can the Phoenix Suns make the NBA playoffs this year? And if so, can they make a run?

Tetragrammaton
01-06-2010, 07:31 PM
How do you convince a girl to let you go in the right hole?

Bobby Humphrey
01-06-2010, 08:24 PM
Inoperable brain tumor.

oh crap

CedarPhin
01-06-2010, 09:07 PM
Dr. Goon-

Should I be concerned about the threatening letters the rent a cops keep sending me?

CedarPhin
01-06-2010, 09:14 PM
I realize you're a busy man with your new consulting business, but was it a good idea for me to wander around the area by Area 51?

GoonBoss
01-07-2010, 02:04 AM
Dr. Goonboss,

Which movie is more awesome: Red Dawn or Big Trouble in Little China?

Red Dawn has far more awesome than BTILC. However, this is like saying Mike Tyson was better than Evander Hollifield. He may have been, but, it all depends on the mood you catch one or another in.

But yeah....Red Dawn. It's not a movie, it's an instructional film.

GoonBoss
01-07-2010, 02:05 AM
Doctor Goon Boss...

Can the Phoenix Suns make the NBA playoffs this year? And if so, can they make a run?

Two words;

Grant Hill.

One word;

No.

JCane
01-07-2010, 02:06 AM
Dr. GoonBoss, will I be purchasing a Tyler Thigpen jersey before 2011?

GoonBoss
01-07-2010, 02:08 AM
How do you convince a girl to let you go in the right hole?

It's important that you don't take any lip. Lay down the law. Girls respect men who are forceful and confident. You are the man, she is the woman.

Oh, I'm sorry....I forgot who my patient was.

Uhmmmm......Candy or date rape drug of your choice?

GoonBoss
01-07-2010, 02:09 AM
Dr. GoonBoss, will I be purchasing a Tyler Thigpen jersey before 2011?

It depends on whether you are a gimp or not.

GoonBoss
01-07-2010, 02:10 AM
Dr. Goon-

Should I be concerned about the threatening letters the rent a cops keep sending me?

No. Send them back with pictures of bunnies and flowers on them. It's San Fransisco....Isn't that a form of currency?

GoonBoss
01-07-2010, 02:11 AM
I realize you're a busy man with your new consulting business, but was it a good idea for me to wander around the area by Area 51?

Every day is a good day to wander around Area 51.

Possum
01-07-2010, 02:17 AM
dr. g, what is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

JCane
01-07-2010, 02:22 AM
dr. g, what is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

LMAO

CedarPhin
01-07-2010, 02:36 AM
Dr. Goon, have you considered membership in the 3AM Crew?

GoonBoss
01-07-2010, 02:50 AM
dr. g, what is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Zero after I nail it with some #7 shot.

tylerdolphin
01-07-2010, 03:06 AM
dr. g, what is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
African or European?

Possum
01-07-2010, 03:14 AM
African or European?
well i dont know uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........(falls off cliff)

BigJP
01-08-2010, 01:19 AM
Flipper's finest here we come!

cafinfan408
01-08-2010, 05:31 AM
Dear Mr Boss.
Why do some people try to break my hand with their handshake?
Whats the best flavor Milkshake?
If you were a person on The Hills who would you be?
I think you'd so be a Spencer!!

Possum
01-08-2010, 06:20 AM
dr. g, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Bumpus
01-08-2010, 11:58 AM
Dr. Goonboss,

When it comes to the late night environmental call, do you recommend paper or plastic?

Ricky_Fan34
01-08-2010, 12:01 PM
Dr. goon boss...

Can you milk a hamster?

Orlando Fan
01-08-2010, 12:56 PM
Dr. Goonboss

What will really happen on Dec 21 2012?

GoonBoss
01-08-2010, 11:41 PM
Dear Mr Boss.
Why do some people try to break my hand with their handshake?
Whats the best flavor Milkshake?
If you were a person on The Hills who would you be?
I think you'd so be a Spencer!!

1. They sense you are weak.
2. Chocolate
3. I would napalm the hills
http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2010/01/ApocalypseKilgore1-1.jpg

That's where Charlie is.

GoonBoss
01-08-2010, 11:43 PM
Dr. Goonboss

What will really happen on Dec 21 2012?

I will nail Angelina Jolie when she's done up as Lara Croft....Because I will it to be so.

GoonBoss
01-08-2010, 11:45 PM
Dr. goon boss...

Can you milk a hamster?

Certainly.

I'm not silently judging you.

GoonBoss
01-08-2010, 11:46 PM
Dr. Goon, have you considered membership in the 3AM Crew?

Groucho Marx had a great line;

I would never join a club that would have me as a member.

GoonBoss
01-08-2010, 11:52 PM
Dr. Goonboss,

When it comes to the late night environmental call, do you recommend paper or plastic?

**** the environment. I fully support global warming. I'm cold now.

Use your own judgment and follow the call of your heart.

Bumpus
01-09-2010, 12:03 AM
But, Dr. G ... Which bag should I put over her head?

Paper won't cut off her air supply, but it can fall off.


Edit: I mean, if she's got great knockers, but is a hideous choad from the neck up - what do you do?

Vaark
01-09-2010, 12:44 AM
But, Dr. G ... Which bag should I put over her head?

Paper won't cut off her air supply, but it can fall off.


Edit: I mean, if she's got great knockers, but is a hideous choad from the neck up - what do you do?

what makes you think "she's" not asking the same question about you in a Dear Abby type Cosmo forum? ...Or getting an answer to the effect of : "either is fine depending on the level of your social consciousness - but either way, just make you double bag!"

GoonBoss
01-09-2010, 12:58 AM
But, Dr. G ... Which bag should I put over her head?

Paper won't cut off her air supply, but it can fall off.


Edit: I mean, if she's got great knockers, but is a hideous choad from the neck up - what do you do?

First, you should thank god that you're getting laid because you're a gimp that gets advice from an internet doctor.......(I'm good..The whole internet doctor thing is good. It's your issue is what I'm saying)

Second; If you get her boozed up enough...And you......You boozed up good enough......Just flip the switch. Nobody will know.

As long as you get her drunk enough and deny her creully in public.

Bumpus
01-09-2010, 04:40 AM
:lol:
Thanks, Dr. G ... You're a life saver!

Vaark
01-09-2010, 12:00 PM
Dear Doc Boss:

If two canoeists start at either end of a river, 85 miles apart, and the Fins fan canoeist "A" can row at a rate of 3.75 mph but is rowing into a headwind averaging 1.75mph while Jest fan canoeist "B" who's a little more out of shape can only average 1.75mph but is being pushed by a tailwind of 1.75mph:

a. at what mile marker up the river from where canoeist "A" began, do the two rowers meet?

b. which canoeist is the Jest fan?

Looking forward to your typically insightful reply

Dolphan7
01-09-2010, 12:32 PM
Hey Doc,

Why am I laughing hysterically at this thread?

1 dol fan
01-09-2010, 12:37 PM
Hey Doc,

Why am I laughing hysterically at this thread?
Giggles (http://www.marijuana.com/places-people/115955-giggles.html)

GoonBoss
01-09-2010, 06:07 PM
Hey Doc,

Why am I laughing hysterically at this thread?

Because you are wise and part of the great human drama we call life.

GoonBoss
01-09-2010, 06:11 PM
Dear Doc Boss:

If two canoeists start at either end of a river, 85 miles apart, and the Fins fan canoeist "A" can row at a rate of 3.75 mph but is rowing into a headwind averaging 1.75mph while Jest fan canoeist "B" who's a little more out of shape can only average 1.75mph but is being pushed by a tailwind of 1.75mph:

a. at what mile marker up the river from where canoeist "A" began, do the two rowers meet?

b. which canoeist is the Jest fan?

Looking forward to your typically insightful reply

A. Math is for girls. What are you? A Gay?

B. Trick question; The Jets fan has already blown his few brains out on the riverbank somewhere.

CedarPhin
01-09-2010, 08:22 PM
If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

GoonBoss
01-09-2010, 10:53 PM
If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Who cares? It makes a nice cabinet as long as it's an important wood like Walnut, or Cherry.

Teak can suck my balls.

Bumpus
01-10-2010, 09:46 AM
Dr. Goonboss,

Why does McDonalds stop serving their tasty McGriddles at 10:30 am?

Vaark
01-10-2010, 10:29 AM
A. Math is for girls. What are you? A Gay?
Not that there's anything wrong with it, but: No B Straight

B. Trick question; The Jets fan has already blown his few brains out on the riverbank somewhere.

You're very brave casting those aspersions when you know that such brawlers as Fibonacci, DaVinci, and Gauss are no longer around for your beatdown.

Besides, Dr Goon, considering your own devotional sig, as they say: "he who casteth the first stone" :
http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2010/01/4tsgnl-1.jpg

Ricky_Fan34
01-10-2010, 05:51 PM
Hey Doc..

For the first pick of the Dolphins' in the draft, what psotion would you choose? NT or ILB?

Ricky_Fan34
01-10-2010, 05:52 PM
Certainly.

I'm not silently judging you.
Thanks, that'll come in handy.

:lol: Just kidding. It's from that KGB commercial.

1 dol fan
01-11-2010, 12:04 AM
Dear Doc Boss:

If two canoeists start at either end of a river, 85 miles apart, and the Fins fan canoeist "A" can row at a rate of 3.75 mph but is rowing into a headwind averaging 1.75mph while Jest fan canoeist "B" who's a little more out of shape can only average 1.75mph but is being pushed by a tailwind of 1.75mph:

a. at what mile marker up the river from where canoeist "A" began, do the two rowers meet?

b. which canoeist is the Jest fan?

Looking forward to your typically insightful reply
A) trick question indeed... They met twice, in week 5 and again at 8. The Jets fan was beaten both times

B) The one that backed across the finish line over two other canoeists that decided to quit and take a nap mere feet from the finish line

Ricky_Fan34
01-11-2010, 12:05 AM
A) trick question indeed... They met twice, in week 5 and again at 8. The Jets fan was beaten both times

B) The one that backed across the finish line over two other canoeists that decided to quit and take a nap mere feet from the finish line
:lol:

1 dol fan
01-11-2010, 12:15 AM
:lol:
The real question was how did the canoe hold the the Jets fan (who was really Mark Sanchez) and his lover Jabba the Rex for that long...

Myles Fynch
01-11-2010, 12:18 AM
The real question was how did the canoe hold the the Jets fan (who was really Mark Sanchez) and his lover Jabba the Rex for that long...

I think Rex did his blue whale impression while the Jets fan and the canoe clung to him.

Zounds
01-11-2010, 12:26 AM
Dear GoonBoss

So I was riding my bike today, and I fell off and hit my *** on the curb. I got home and looked in the mirror and saw a big hole. What should I do about it? go to the ER? fill it with spackle?

The mighty Zounds

Noodle Arm
01-11-2010, 12:35 AM
Dr. Goonboss,

Why does it burn when I pee?

Myles Fynch
01-11-2010, 12:40 AM
Dr. Goonboss,

Why does it burn when I pee?

You were with one of the Flight Crew, weren't you?

1 dol fan
01-11-2010, 12:41 AM
Dr. Goonboss,

Why does it burn when I pee?
cuz you messed around with Muihamd Al. you know when he said that famous line: move like a butterfly and sting like a bee

he actually said sting like when I pee...

Bumpus
01-11-2010, 06:30 PM
Dr. GoonBoss:

Which is a scarier concept:
a) Richard Simmons going double-pits-to-chesty.
b) RDS retiring from FinHeaven to return to his job in the control room at NASA.

TheDon74
01-11-2010, 06:39 PM
Dr. GoonBoss,

A "friend" of mine has a really itchy anus and it causes him to have to find creative ways of scratching it when in public (like sitting on the corner of tables and fake laughing). Can you give me...I mean him some medical advice on how to relieve this problem?

CedarPhin
01-11-2010, 09:31 PM
Dr. Goon:

When blind people dream, can they actually see?

Bumpus
01-12-2010, 06:48 PM
Dr. GoonBoss:

Have we angered you somehow? Why are you withholding your sharp wit and superior intellect from your devoted followers? Should I sacrifice a goat to regain your favor?



... c'mon bro, this thread's too damn funny to die.

1 dol fan
01-12-2010, 07:31 PM
Dr. GoonBoss:

Have we angered you somehow? Why are you withholding your sharp wit and superior intellect from your devoted followers? Should I sacrifice a goat to regain your favor?



... c'mon bro, this thread's too damn funny to die.
If you want to see a thread too funny to die, look no further (http://www.finheaven.com/forums/f18/why-was-i-banned-u-ing-s-266098.html).

The Depths have nearly overtaken The Lounge as the funniest place on FH.

I will warn you though, this thread will make you :facepalm: quite a bit.

CedarPhin
01-12-2010, 08:47 PM
Alot of self-pwnage there by Princess Filthy Sheets.

1 dol fan
01-12-2010, 09:01 PM
Alot of self-pwnage there by Princess Filthy Sheets.
He could have saved his therapist a lot of bitching and moaning if he wouldn't have admitted to paying for ****.

CedarPhin
01-12-2010, 09:03 PM
My jaw dropped when I saw that.

I laughed for about 10 minutes too.

1 dol fan
01-12-2010, 09:13 PM
My jaw dropped when I saw that.

I laughed for about 10 minutes too.
The Princess is a total attention whore... she even said "I like the attention". What a punk *****!

Bumpus
01-12-2010, 10:30 PM
Holy ****! :lol:
I lost track of that thread somewhere around page 10-12 ... I've gotta pick this one back up!

Is ricky2ginn=niw=PrincessFilthySheets?

1 dol fan
01-12-2010, 10:32 PM
Holy ****! :lol:
I lost track of that thread somewhere around page 10-12 ... I've gotta pick this one back up!

Is ricky2ginn=niw=PrincessFilthySheets?
indeed

CedarPhin
01-13-2010, 02:39 AM
Bumpus, you've got it right.

Vaark
01-14-2010, 05:06 PM
At this point, how many posters have perished, or worse, because Dr. GoonBoss has been derelict in his duties? (Didn't he take "The Hypocritic Oath????")

Bumpus
01-14-2010, 05:15 PM
At this point, how many posters have perished, or worse, because Dr. GoonBoss has been derelict in his duties? (Didn't he take "The Hypocritic Oath????")


Exactly.

Hell, I even tried sacrificing a goat to appease the whims of this madman.

There are desperate people out there in need of his advice, and yet he continues to withhold his pearls of wisdom that once flowed freely like the mighty Shenandoah River.

Vaark
01-14-2010, 05:29 PM
Exactly.

Hell, I even tried sacrificing a goat to appease the whims of this madman.

There are desperate people out there in need of his advice, and yet he continues to withhold his pearls of wisdom that once flowed freely like the mighty Shenandoah River.


Exactly! He sucked us in, engaged us and created a dependency, not unlike those 25cent live peep show viewers on 8th Avenue in Times Square. Right now I'm feeling like I've run out of quarters. Looks like there'll be no happy ending here. http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2010/08/119nqdw-1.jpg

Ricky_Fan34
01-14-2010, 05:35 PM
I wonder if Doctor GoonBoss takes house calls? If so, maybe that explains his untimely disapearance... DOC GOONBOSS! Finheaven NEEDS you!!!

1 dol fan
01-14-2010, 10:07 PM
I wonder if Doctor GoonBoss takes house calls? If so, maybe that explains his untimely disapearance... DOC GOONBOSS! Finheaven NEEDS you!!!
Someone find his damn phone number then... we have emergencies!

Myles Fynch
01-14-2010, 11:55 PM
Alot of self-pwnage there by Princess Filthy Sheets.

Doesn't that cause blindness and hairy palms?

GoonBoss
01-15-2010, 12:47 AM
Alright guys. I'm back. I had to punch some bikers in the face and kiss some babies. I'm a slave to my roots. What can I say?

I did punch out some bikers with KKK hats on.

I did kiss some babies.

THE BABIES WERE ALL 34DD!:hi5:

Yeah..That's right.

I will now be addressing your pathetic life questions. Once again, I carry my burden.

GoonBoss
01-15-2010, 12:50 AM
I wonder if Doctor GoonBoss takes house calls? If so, maybe that explains his untimely disapearance... DOC GOONBOSS! Finheaven NEEDS you!!!


I'm back. Don't be so desperate.

Remember, chicks dig confidence.

CedarPhin
01-15-2010, 12:53 AM
So Dr. Goon, can blind people actually see in their dreams?

GoonBoss
01-15-2010, 12:54 AM
Dr. GoonBoss:

Have we angered you somehow? Why are you withholding your sharp wit and superior intellect from your devoted followers? Should I sacrifice a goat to regain your favor?



... c'mon bro, this thread's too damn funny to die.

I take any hoofed creature as acceptable.

Preferably cloven.

If there are any first born sons laying about.......I mean that you don't use.......And that you may see your way free to...oh,....just sacrifice them on up.

****! I just tipped my hand I guess.

GoonBoss
01-15-2010, 12:55 AM
So Dr. Goon, can blind people actually see in their dreams?

They're blind. Who cares?

CedarPhin
01-15-2010, 12:56 AM
Good point. I figured maybe they could see things in their dreams that they could see before they went blind.

GoonBoss
01-15-2010, 12:57 AM
At this point, how many posters have perished, or worse, because Dr. GoonBoss has been derelict in his duties? (Didn't he take "The Hypocritic Oath????")


I'm devoted to my patients. You asked me to do math. I blame you. I suggest everyone blame Vaark.



For everything pretty much.

GoonBoss
01-15-2010, 12:58 AM
Good point. I figured maybe they could see things in their dreams that they could see before they went blind.

Blind people are serial masturbaters. They deserve what they get. It's offensive to me they get thier own language by virtue of lack of self control

Bumpus
01-15-2010, 02:02 AM
:lol:
Nice! FinHeaven's resident Alpha Male has returned.

GoonBoss
01-15-2010, 02:08 AM
:lol:
Nice! FinHeaven's resident Alpha Male has returned.

Awwwwwright.

****. My wife just walked in. Cool it!

Myles Fynch
01-15-2010, 02:12 AM
Awwwwwright.

****. My wife just walked in. Cool it!

Quick stash Danica in the trunk before you really get in trouble.

GoonBoss
01-15-2010, 02:18 AM
Quick stash Danica in the trunk before you really get in trouble.

My wife is hot for Danica. We'd both have some fun with her. turns out we all dig confidence.

Bumpus
01-18-2010, 12:31 AM
Dr. GoonBoss,

I forget. Which horse of the apocalypse is represented by a Jets appearance in the AFC Championship?





(****! I feel dirty for even typing that)

Myles Fynch
01-18-2010, 12:41 AM
Dr. GoonBoss,

I forget. Which horse of the apocalypse is represented by a Jets appearance in the AFC Championship?

(****! I feel dirty for even typing that)

The fat one.

1 dol fan
01-18-2010, 12:12 PM
Speaking of the Jets, did anyone notice that yesterday before the game they were interviewing
Mark Sanchez with the gayest music ever behind him.

for example, they played this song. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwMsLWabU-Y)

He must have requested it...

Maybe Princess Filthy Sheetz is really Princess Sanchez incognito.

Ricky_Fan34
01-18-2010, 09:05 PM
Doc Boss...

Do you believe in Big foot??

Bumpus
01-18-2010, 10:48 PM
Dr. GoonBoss:

What is your early line on the 2009 FinHeaven Awards?

eger
01-19-2010, 04:17 PM
Why do football players now use 2 last names? Sims-Walker, Jones-Drew, and there are at least 10-15 more. Seems to be a popular trend nowadays.

I think I am going to start a fantasy team with strictly 2 last name players..lol

CedarPhin
01-19-2010, 04:23 PM
I'm no doctor, but I know that Jones-Drew did it out of respect for his dead grandfather.

Dolphan7
01-19-2010, 04:34 PM
Dear Doctor Goonboss,

Is there a Football God?

I don't think there is because the Jets keep winning....and continue to survive as a franchise.

GoonBoss
01-20-2010, 06:49 PM
Why do football players now use 2 last names? Sims-Walker, Jones-Drew, and there are at least 10-15 more. Seems to be a popular trend nowadays.

I think I am going to start a fantasy team with strictly 2 last name players..lol

This is a particular phenomenon that I can only attribute to what I call "Transgender Identification" where people who seem normal can lose their friggin minds and have names that are like women.

GoonBoss
01-20-2010, 06:50 PM
Dr. GoonBoss:

What is your early line on the 2009 FinHeaven Awards?

The early line is Harrison Ford drunk/on Oxy at even money.

GoonBoss
01-20-2010, 06:52 PM
Dear Doctor Goonboss,

Is there a Football God?

I don't think there is because the Jets keep winning....and continue to survive as a franchise.

There has to be a Football god because because a known factor is football does indeed exist. The question is; Why do bad things happen to good teams? Why do good things happen to bad teams?

We simply cannot know the ways of someone that created Football.

GoonBoss
01-20-2010, 08:25 PM
Dr. GoonBoss,

I forget. Which horse of the apocalypse is represented by a Jets appearance in the AFC Championship?





(****! I feel dirty for even typing that)
The Jets ride a fat, mouthy horse.

I hate to say it, but I admire them a little.

GoonBoss
01-20-2010, 08:28 PM
Doc Boss...

Do you believe in Big foot??

I wear a Size 13. Yes, I believe that people can have big feet.

Ricky_Fan34
01-20-2010, 09:18 PM
I wear a Size 13. Yes, I believe that people can have big feet.
:lol:

Have you seen the Shaqtus in the desert of Arizona?

GoonBoss
01-21-2010, 10:51 PM
:lol:

Have you seen the Shaqtus in the desert of Arizona?

I have not. I avoid Arizona.

ChadHenne
01-21-2010, 10:55 PM
Dr GoonBoss, I've had an erection for more than 4 hours, and your ad said I should call if this occurs. What should I do?

Arsenal WV
01-21-2010, 10:59 PM
I'll answer this one

Watch cartoon porn, and if that does not work. Flick it with a rubberband

1 dol fan
01-21-2010, 10:59 PM
Dr GoonBoss, I've had an erection for more than 4 hours, and your ad said I should call if this occurs. What should I do?
This might be uncomfortable for you but I heard Sanchez pays big money for male erections... (I get a cut of the money if you do it)

Ricky_Fan34
01-22-2010, 12:00 AM
Doc Boss,

I love Cold Coors Lite.

GoonBoss
01-22-2010, 12:20 AM
Dr GoonBoss, I've had an erection for more than 4 hours, and your ad said I should call if this occurs. What should I do?
I suggest you whack it like a monkey on Pixie Sticks.

GoonBoss
01-22-2010, 12:21 AM
Doc Boss,

I love Cold Coors Lite.

That's not a question...Just an embarrassing statement.

1 dol fan
01-22-2010, 12:22 AM
Doc Boss,

I love Cold Coors Lite.
The real question is doesn't it taste a lot like keystone light? i heard they come from the same barrel.... coors is the top half...

Ricky_Fan34
01-22-2010, 12:23 AM
That's not a question...Just an embarrassing statement.
Oh... dang it.

:lol:

Hope you picked up that I was kidding...

1 dol fan
01-22-2010, 12:27 AM
Doc Boss,

What is the best beer that doesn't taste like water for an underage drinker ?

Gonzo
01-22-2010, 12:28 AM
I suggest you whack it like a monkey on Pixie Sticks.
What if you've snorted all the pixie sticks and now all you have is a bored monkey and a nosebleed?

1 dol fan
01-22-2010, 12:29 AM
What if you've snorted all the pixie sticks and now all you have is a bored monkey and a nosebleed?
Bleed on your monkey and have the only bored red monkey in the city!

Gonzo
01-22-2010, 12:30 AM
Bleed on your monkey and have the only bored red monkey in the city!
But I live in Dallas. This isn't a city, it's a ****hole.

1 dol fan
01-22-2010, 12:31 AM
But I live in Dallas. This isn't a city, it's a ****hole.
If you let the monkey throw **** it won't be so bored...

Gonzo
01-22-2010, 12:36 AM
If you let the monkey throw **** it won't be so bored...
But the people here are already covered in it. It would be like throwing bullets at Tupac and Biggie.

Dr. Goon, is it too soon for Tupac and Biggie jokes?

GoonBoss
01-22-2010, 12:56 AM
What if you've snorted all the pixie sticks and now all you have is a bored monkey and a nosebleed? I don't see that as a problem. There's a monkey, right?

GoonBoss
01-22-2010, 12:57 AM
But the people here are already covered in it. It would be like throwing bullets at Tupac and Biggie.

Dr. Goon, is it too soon for Tupac and Biggie jokes?

It's never too soon for Tupac and Biggie jokes.

GoonBoss
01-22-2010, 12:59 AM
Doc Boss,

What is the best beer that doesn't taste like water for an underage drinker ?

There are many types of beer that are perfect for the underage drinker. I suggest Black Label, or Miluakee's Best.

Vaark
01-22-2010, 01:05 AM
Dr Goon

If you only had one deal to make with the devil, the choices being a non-stop night of uninhibited sensual bliss as the the meat in a Danica Patrick -Alyssa Milano (whom I know you also lust) sandwich

-or a February 2011 rousing Fins Super Bowl victory,

What would your decision be?

1 dol fan
01-22-2010, 01:16 AM
Dr Goon

If you only had one deal to make with the devil, the choices being a non-stop night of uninhibited sensual bliss as the the meat in a Danica Patrick -Alyssa Milano (whom I know you also lust) sandwich

-or a February 2011 rousing Fins Super Bowl victory,

What would your decision be?
If that SOB picks the wrong one I will :koolbang:

Possum
01-22-2010, 01:19 AM
Dr. Goon, would you buy an authentic wake jersey from china?

GoonBoss
01-22-2010, 01:21 AM
Dr Goon

If you only had one deal to make with the devil, the choices being a non-stop night of uninhibited sensual bliss as the the meat in a Danica Patrick -Alyssa Milano (whom I know you also lust) sandwich

-or a February 2011 rousing Fins Super Bowl victory,

What would your decision be?

I am, in fact, the devil.

GoonBoss
01-22-2010, 01:23 AM
Dr. Goon, would you buy an authentic wake jersey from china?

I don't buy or wear shirts with other dude's names across the back of them.

Vaark
01-23-2010, 11:38 AM
Doc Boss:

At this point, probably what would be most helpful for your dependent patients is an answer to the question:

"Just what exactly what are your office hours, anyway????"


http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2010/01/danicapatrick-1.jpg

GoonBoss
01-23-2010, 06:08 PM
Doc Boss:

At this point, probably what would be most helpful for your dependent patients is an answer to the question:

"Just what exactly what are your office hours, anyway????"


http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2010/01/danicapatrick-1.jpg

I'm clocked in whenever Danica is.

Bumpus
01-23-2010, 06:47 PM
I still can't focus on anything but that pic.

Vaark
02-02-2010, 12:14 PM
So it looks like our resident savant either has a short attention span or is a doc still too preoccupied with healing thyself, eh?

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif

GoonBoss
02-02-2010, 12:30 PM
So it looks like our resident savant either has a short attention span or is a doc still too preoccupied with healing thyself, eh?

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif

I seem to simply have healed everyone that needs it. I'm nothing if not competant.

Vaark
02-28-2010, 11:01 AM
Goon, I thought these might prove helpful in prodding you back from your apparent help business sabatical. There is a void (zoom zoom)

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2010/02/3829608patrickbehind241-1.jpg

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2010/02/3830208patrickbehind251-1.jpg

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2010/02/3829108patrickbehind231-1.jpg[/quote]

GoonBoss
03-01-2010, 07:54 AM
I await questions from the unwashed.

Vaark
03-01-2010, 11:56 AM
What a relief since I felt I was hurtling down without a safety net. Thank you for being so selfless.

I'll get it going again:

Dear Doctor GoonBoss:

Not that I'm asking for any specific personal reason concerning me or my last wife (the byotch), but strictly for my own idle curiosity: can you really contract chlamydia just by sitting on a public toilet seat??

GoonBoss
03-02-2010, 07:23 AM
What a relief since I felt I was hurtling down without a safety net. Thank you for being so selfless.

I'll get it going again:

Dear Doctor GoonBoss:

Not that I'm asking for any specific personal reason concerning me or my last wife (the byotch), but strictly for my own idle curiosity: can you really contract chlamydia just by sitting on a public toilet seat??

I'm faed with this queswtion more often than you might think. In my experience, the only way you can catch this dread disease is by fully licking the seat with one's tounge.

I don't think that violates confidentiality does it Bumpus?

cafinfan408
03-02-2010, 07:58 AM
Dear Dr Goon,
If I am looking at 2-3 months in county
I have no tattoos, no gang ties.
Should I join up with a group right away or try the lone wolf approach?

Bumpus
03-02-2010, 08:30 AM
:lol:

GoonBoss
03-02-2010, 08:31 AM
Dear Dr Goon,
If I am looking at 2-3 months in county
I have no tattoos, no gang ties.
Should I join up with a group right away or try the lone wolf approach?

You will not be able to stand alone. No man can. I don't care what you've heard. There are any number of security threat groups (STGs) that abound in any state/county prison system. I have less knowledge of the county dynamic than the state pen dynamic, but I can tell you this;

In Texas we have 11 recognized STGs includeing the Bloods and Crips (Black) Aryan Brotherhood of Tx and Aryan Circle (White) and Familia Neuesta and MExican Syndicate (Hispanic). Lately, a new wave is brewing called "Tangos" (Pronounced "Tongos" ) that are based around regional areas or major cities (Dallas/FW, West Tx, El Paso, Houston, etc) These STGs have no recognized higherarchy and aren't "Blood in, blood out" like the old school STGs. They are simply "you're in when you're in, and you're out when you're out." and organized for defense agaisnt the old school STGs

I can't reccommend any group, but I know what my choice would be.

In another state, the STG dynamic may be different.

Vaark
03-02-2010, 12:58 PM
Dear Dr Goon,
If I am looking at 2-3 months in county
I have no tattoos, no gang ties.
Should I join up with a group right away or try the lone wolf approach?

In my own uninformed opinion, I wouldn't tatt up just to make an impression. It could well attract a less helpful "big daddy."

case in point:

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif

GoonBoss
03-02-2010, 07:54 PM
In my own uninformed opinion, I wouldn't tatt up just to make an impression. It could well attract a less helpful "big daddy."

case in point:

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif
Tatting up with a gang's symbols will get you dead unless you are one.

Honestly, if anyone wants to walk alone, you'll need to walk in Administrative Segregation. That's where we put all the various populations that are in danger, are members of certain STGs, and awaiting pre hearing detention (Jail inside of jail.) Of course you'll be by yourself for 23 hours a day in a cell, and will rec and shower alone....

Quickest way to get there is take a poke at the first "boss" (Corrections Officer) you see.

Now, you'll get some time tacked on.....It just depends how much you want it.

CedarPhin
03-02-2010, 08:39 PM
Dr. Goon, does the mafia get their own wing like in "Goodfellas"?

Arsenal WV
03-03-2010, 12:40 AM
GoonBoss,

I have a hard time not wanting to drink alcohol. What's my problem?

cafinfan408
03-03-2010, 05:15 AM
Is it better to sit down in the showers and take a bath type shower to protect my back end

GoonBoss
03-03-2010, 06:33 AM
GoonBoss,

I have a hard time not wanting to drink alcohol. What's my problem?

Don't fight it. Fighting your ID based desire for booze turns you gay......Or in your case....More gay.

GoonBoss
03-03-2010, 06:34 AM
Is it better to sit down in the showers and take a bath type shower to protect my back end

If someone wants your back end, they'll get it. I reccommend gaining weight.

GoonBoss
03-03-2010, 06:35 AM
Dr. Goon, does the mafia get their own wing like in "Goodfellas"?

Maybe in New York. The only Mafia we have here is the Texas Mafia. They are a white STG that is closely aligned with the Mexican SYndicate, a Hispanic STG.

Ricky_Fan34
05-25-2010, 08:57 AM
Doctor Goon Boss...

Can the Phoenix Suns make the NBA playoffs this year? And if so, can they make a run?


Two words;

Grant Hill.

One word;

No.

so it appears doc goonboss DOESNT have all of life's answers as the Phoenix suns are in the western conference finals against the lakers. Not only that, but grant hill has played extremely well.

Ricky_Fan34
05-26-2010, 12:25 AM
Well ****, goonboss just got even more incorrect. Phoenix has tied the series at 2 and left the lakers baffled by our "Girly zone" hey, if it equals wins I'll take it.

Vaark
09-14-2011, 05:05 PM
Dr Goon

Should we have a reasonable expectation that you've returned to us as a wiser, kinder and gentler version of your old self?