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View Full Version : The rest of the story - Sparano's shades.



Flip Tanneflop
10-26-2010, 11:33 PM
Most of you know that Tony Sparano wears sunglasses on a regular basis. Most of you also know that he does this because of sensativity to light. Most of you also know that this is a result of a freak accident while working at a fast food restaurant as a young man, in which Tony got some hot grease in his eyes.

However, what most of you do not know, is the real story behind the incident. Fortunately, that is why I am here tonight. To share with you fellow phins fans..............the rest of the story!

While working at this fast food establishment, in order to attempt to get a higher number of orders filled correctly during peak times, the manager came up with a reward system that involved a game. Thats right....A GAME! And as most of you know, its all fun and games TILL SOMEONE GETS THEIR EYE PUT OUT!!!! :tongue:

And it was this incident that resulted in Tony Sparano actually coining that now popular phase btw. Thats right. Tony Sparano is the reason and the man behind this infamous wisdom. Bet you guys didnt know that **** did ya. :d-day:

I only know thanks to a source of mine. Actually, it was on Incarseratedbob's twitter, so you know that **** has to be true. :err:

Anyways, back to the story. So the game was this. Each shift, during lunch and dinner rushes respectively, if a crew filled between 80-100%(an incredible feat of course for a fast food joint) of the orders correctly, that team was awarded 6 points with the opportunity to gain an extra point if the stations were cleaned appropriately at the end of the shift when the manager came to inspect.

Also, if that shift manager(the assistant on duty) wanted the option to acquire a 2nd bonus point, they could declare that the bathrooms would also be cleaned appropriately. However, if they werent, then that shift would forfeit the other bonus point, and only be awarded the original 6 points. Most shift managers never tried for the 2 point bonus unless they had to have it for the win, as it was rarely successful. Face it, you guys have all seen fast food restaurant restrooms. :refuse:

If a crew were successful in filling between 60-80% of the orders during lunch or dinner rush, they were awarded 3 points, with no opportunity for a bonus.

At the end of the week, the scores were totalled. Whichever shift scored the most total points each week was awarded a free meal of $5 or less.

Going into the last day of the first week of the competition, Tony's crew trailed by 1 point. 4 of the previous 6 days, his team was able to fall in the 70% range and scored 3 points for a total of 12. They had outperformed the dinner shift all week long by a nice margin. And yet, they still trailed by 1 point going into the final day of competition.

In fact, dinner crew had 2 outstanding days, filling almost 90% of orders correctly during rush. This was a percentage the restaraunt had not seen in years. However, the other 4 days of the week, the crew was total ****. They slacked and barely got 40% of the orders correct. :oops:

Tony's team however had been fairly solid all week. The only two days they failed to get at least the 3 points, they were oh so close. Never did they perform as poorly as dinner crew did on the 4 days that team failed to score.

Tony knew what he had to do. He had his eye on the prize. He was HUNGRY. Hungry for a win. Hungry for the goodness of that double cheeseburger with fries. He gathered his crew just before the lunch rush began. He said words that were so insperational, he just knew he could get his team that 3 points they needed to capture the lead. And with the way dinner crew had performed all week, there was no way they were getting any points on a Saturday night in his mind.

As the shift neared its end, Tony's team had done it. They had filled a remarkable 77% of the orders correctly with just a minute left in the lunch rush. His shift manager urged the team to get the last couple of orders correct, knowing they could get the 6 points and really put the pressure on dinner crew. But, Tony was all too happy to have locked down the 3 points. He yelled "we got em now!" and convinced the shift manager that no more orders should be taken until the rush period ends. He told the man just let the customers wait a minute, so that we can lock down this 77% and not risk making it more difficult to secure the 3 points as opposed to attempting to break the 80% barrier by taking a few more orders.

When the lunch rush officially ended and Tony's crew had secured the 3 points and a 2 point lead in the overall score for the week going into dinner crew's last try at points, Tony was elated. :woot:He was so excited, he rared back and began taking a few thunderous, quick steps forward. His crewmates knew what was coming. Tony was notorious for his windmill fist pumps when the crew made small accomplishments. However, on this day, something unthinkable was about to happen.

It just so happened, that after the previous nights shift, dinner crew had failed to attain the extra point after a 6 point effort. Thats right. They were so excited to take a 1 point lead, that they failed to clean the area after their shift ended. They were so satisfied, they said **** it. They left **** everywhere. Dirty serving utensils, used condoms on the heating racks, library cards with white powder caked on the sides were found laying on the cutting boards, the restaurant was a disaster. But, despite all of that, they had a 13-12 lead going into the last day.

Wouldnt you know, that evening crew had failed to mop the floors. Just as Tony went to celebrate by performing his windmill fist pump, his left foot stepped right onto a grease spot with forward momentum. That was all it took for Tony to stumble. As his right arm came down, fist clinched tight, it smacked the handle to one of the fry baskets that was fully soaked in the deep fryer. The front end of the basket flipped out and turned over, right on top of Tony's face as he stumbled to his right. Tony was temporarially blinded. :(

Of course you have figured out by now, not only did Tony permanently damage his eyes, evening shift came through with a mere 61% success rate of filling orders correctly that evening, but it was still enough to earn 3 points, and hence capture a 16-15 victory over Tony's team.

However, the evening shift felt so badly after finding out it was their mess that caused Tony to slip during his windmill fist pump, they decided to give all of their awards to Tony. One of the girls from evening shift, brought Tony a cheeseburger and fries to him everyday while he was in the hospital and gave it to him. She would also later give him herpes, but thats another story.

And as it turned out, in future weeks, lunch shift began crushing evening shift in Tony's absence. They would often get the 6 points along with the extra point for their lunch rush performance. :err:

When he returned, lunch crew went back to settling for the 3 point efforts, but had much more consistancy. Funny thing is, while they were more consistant with their performance, they somehow would fall short in total points at weeks end. :ponder:

Its amazing how that works. You would think management would change the scoring to maximize performance, but they never did.

Evening crew continued on their ways of performing well a couple of times per week and not giving a **** the rest of the days, knowing that a couple solid efferts is all it took to outscore lunch crew so long as good ol' Tony was around. :up:

And NOW YOU KNOW, the rest of the story.

Dolph N.Fan
10-26-2010, 11:40 PM
Didn't read it all lol but I gave you a thanks anyways for taking the time to type all that.

jtsacksyou
10-26-2010, 11:42 PM
i thought this was seriously the story of how he lost his eye for a minute... then i was like, 6 points, 1 or 2 extra points, 3 points.. then i was like oh its a metaphor lol.

Flip Tanneflop
10-26-2010, 11:42 PM
Didn't read it all lol but I gave you a thanks anyways for taking the time to type all that.

Jesus dude. I just read it all in like 1 and a half minutes. What is it with some of you and a little reading around here? Its a funny ****ing story. Treat yourself for christ sakes.

Phinatic8u
10-26-2010, 11:43 PM
:lol:. **** WV, you my good fourm buddy are something else. **** that was hilarilous

Flip Tanneflop
10-26-2010, 11:44 PM
i thought this was seriously the story of how he lost his eye for a minute... then i was like, 6 points, 1 or 2 extra points, 3 points.. then i was like oh its a metaphor lol.

It is the real story. I saw it on twitter a couple of years ago. Trust me. Its accurate information for a reliable source. Im just now sharing it with you guys.

Flip Tanneflop
10-26-2010, 11:46 PM
:lol:. **** WV, you my good fourm buddy are something else. **** that was hilarilous

Thanks bro. Im glad someone bothered to read and also found humor in it. How'd ya like the part about the used condoms on the heating racks etc? Thats a good bit. :lol: Fast food. :lol: Kids those days.

finnns2000
10-26-2010, 11:47 PM
Good god, that was damn good. :lol:

I love the fist pump after he got the minimum amount needed.

jtsacksyou
10-26-2010, 11:47 PM
It is the real story. I saw it on twitter a couple of years ago. Trust me. Its accurate information for a reliable source. Im just now sharing it with you guys.

Come on man.. if it was on twitter, finatic would've had it by now lol.

Phinatic8u
10-26-2010, 11:47 PM
Thanks bro. Im glad someone bothered to read and also found humor in it. How'd ya like the part about the used condoms on the heating racks etc? Thats a good bit. :lol: Fast food. :lol: Kids those days.

:lol:, It didn't take no more than 2 minutes to read it. :lol: man that **** was funny. :lol:

hooshoops
10-26-2010, 11:48 PM
i'm gonna set the over/under for hits from the bong taken by wv while typing this up at 3.5

i'm taking the over...

Flip Tanneflop
10-26-2010, 11:48 PM
Btw, please, nobody cranky who lacks a sense of humor come in here and ***** while trying to suggest Im making light(DOUBLE PUN ALERT!! :lol: ) of an unfortunate incident that seriously injured our friend Tony Sparano.

Its just a joke folks. Lighten(again :lol: ) UP!!!

Flip Tanneflop
10-26-2010, 11:50 PM
i'm gonna set the over/under for hits from the bong taken by wv while typing this up at 3.5

i'm taking the over...

:lol: Actually Im completely sober right now and have been for sometime. My bong days are well past me.

Flip Tanneflop
10-26-2010, 11:51 PM
Come on man.. if it was on twitter, finatic would've had it by now lol.

:lol: I love threads where more than 1 person has a sense of humor.

Good one bro.

If we can get more posters like you in this thread to continue the laughs, this could be an epic.

finnns2000
10-26-2010, 11:53 PM
:lol: Oh yeah, lmao at the girl bringing him a Cheeseburger everyday. Perfect.

PhinsPhan11
10-26-2010, 11:58 PM
I did read it all and I thought it was funny. Good job WV this is definitely an interesting spin on how to work in a fast food restaurant, but very funny nontheless.

Phinatic8u
10-26-2010, 11:58 PM
:lol:, Read it a 2nd time, **** is funny.

Vaark
10-27-2010, 12:03 AM
Good job WV; funny.

But hey, win or lose, healthy or injured, at least he did have the balls to see the competition through to the end, eh?

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 12:11 AM
If anyone is interested in a complete breakdown of the statistics for the week of the incident, check with Hugo. He has them.

Im sure he can get you the stats for the rest of the weeks too if you need them. That way if you want to spin an argument that shows how the crew was better with Tony in there, despite their lack of success in the competition each week, you can do so and back it up with FACTS aka stats.

Tony's shift manager was a kid named Tad Hensley and Im sure Hugo can show you some numbers that indicate he was better than the evening shift manager named Cat Bryant. They called him Catty fry daddy around the joint. He was a cool dude. Knew what he was doing running that shift too. Thats why his team always seemed to win. But, if you want to use some of Hugo's stats to convince people that Tad was just as good, just give him a shout. He will help you spin it up.

There was also a head manager. Older dude named Tad Billington. Smart dude. Knew what he was doing. Had an injury from an old fountain soda syrup changing incident though. Made his already below average burger flipping ability even weaker. He just couldnt get enough zip on his spatula to make his flips fast enough during rush times. He was fine during "soft" hours, but during the rush times, especially top 10 hours, he couldnt get it done as well as most. But, he was a great manager.

The only guy on the crew that really hated him was this cat they used to call Vaark. He got that name for how he used to mow down lines like an anthill with that huge snout of his. There was no doubt it was his library card with the powdery stuff on the edges found the day of the incident. Funny kid though. He was alright. Good worker for the most part and brought something special to the crew. Everyone seemed to like him. He just had a tendancy to rub a few people the wrong way with how he always hated on Billington. Most everyone loved Billington.

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 12:15 AM
Good job WV; funny.

But hey, win or lose, healthy or injured, at least he did have the balls to see the competition through to the end, eh?

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif

Aaaah. Richard Dragan. Man was he a great manager. A lot of people hated him, because he was real demanding and he was a bit harsh on a lot of the customers.

Most people though, cant get past the old "Im not going to be the manager at Bob Evans" fiasco. Customers and regular employees were really pressing him on that once they heard the rumor that Bob Evans wanted him to manage one of their restaurants.

You gotta give the guy credit though. Although he did take that Bob Evans job, he worked hard all the way till his last day. And hell, look at what he has done with Bob Evans. He turned that into one of the best restaurants in town.

Vaark
10-27-2010, 12:17 AM
If anyone is interested in a complete breakdown of the statistics for the week of the incident, check with Hugo. He has them.

Im sure he can get you the stats for the rest of the weeks too if you need them. That way if you want to spin an argument that shows how the crew was better with Tony in there, despite their lack of success in the competition each week, you can do so and back it up with FACTS aka stats.

Tony's shift manager was a kid named Tad Hensley and Im sure Hugo can show you some numbers that indicate he was better than the evening shift manager named Cat Bryant. They called him Catty fry daddy around the joint. He was a cool dude. Knew what he was doing running that shift too. Thats why his team always seemed to win. But, if you want to use some of Hugo's stats to convince people that Tad was just as good, just give him a shout. He will help you spin it up.

There was also a head manager. Older dude named Tad Billington. Smart dude. Knew what he was doing. Had an injury from an old fountain soda syrup changing incident though. Made his already below average burger flipping ability even weaker. He just couldnt get enough zip on his spatula to make his flips fast enough during rush times. He was fine during "soft" hours, but during the rush times, especially top 10 hours, he couldnt get it done as well as most. But, he was a great manager.

The only guy on the crew that really hated him was this cat they used to call Vaark. He got that name for how he used to mow down lines like an anthill with that huge snout of his. There was no doubt it was his library card with the powdery stuff on the edges found the day of the incident. Funny kid though. He was alright. Good worker for the most part and brought something special to the crew. Everyone seemed to like him. He just had a tendancy to rub a few people the wrong way with how he always hated on Billington. Most everyone loved Billington.

In principle most loved Billington, yeah, and enjoyed being in his company.....but only if they could be sure his hand and the spatula stayed in 2 separate rooms.

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 12:23 AM
In principle most loved Billington, yeah, and enjoyed being in his company.....but only if they could be sure his hand and the spatula stayed in 2 separate rooms.

Well, thats why they let the kid Tad Hensley take over that lunch shift and moved Billington to a cushy office job as store manager. Problem is Hensely is a lot like Tony in that he seems to be pretty good, but not good enough to compete with more efficient drive thru's. He dosent seem to want to take the necessary risks to get over the hump and start outperforming some of these other restaurants and is content with mediocrity.

jtsacksyou
10-27-2010, 12:25 AM
How bout that guy they called Grill Cartel. He sure could tell people how to make a good burger, but man.. when he shopped for his own burgers, they were a bit too starchy.. like they were cornfed or something.

flynryan15
10-27-2010, 12:25 AM
I reported this weeks ago I found it on MySpace and I immediately Facebooked it these are my sources!

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 12:31 AM
How bout that guy they called Grill Cartel. He sure could tell people how to make a good burger, but man.. when he brought his own burgers, they were a bit too starchy!

Cartell was the ****ing worst regional manager ever. He used to be a good single store manager, but man when they brought him in to run several stores, he ****ed all kinds of **** up. They paid that ******* big money too. All he did was hire his friends as store and shift managers and all of them ****ing blew.

He shouldve just stayed a store manager and did what he did with what the company gave him. He was good at that. If he didnt want to do that anymore, the company shouldve let him retire.

But, NO. They just had to let him con them into giving him a position where he could order the products and supplies and be in control of all that ****. What a train wreck that was. Half the time, he didnt even work. He would be off betting on horses, fishing, or playing golf and **** with all his money the company gave him to do a job he wasnt even really doing. Unreal.

That guy ran off a lot of good employees too by being an *******. A lot of good workers who leave places like Taco Bell wouldnt even bother to come over and be on the crew either because of that ******* Cartell. They wind up signing on at **** places like Subway.

Dolph N.Fan
10-27-2010, 12:47 AM
Jesus dude. I just read it all in like 1 and a half minutes. What is it with some of you and a little reading around here? Its a funny ****ing story. Treat yourself for christ sakes.

I was until I noticed Sparano doing his patented fist pumps after Miami's last FG against PIT on NFL Replay and thought hmm what a coincidence.

Vaark
10-27-2010, 12:49 AM
Well, thats why they let the kid Tad Hensley take over that lunch shift and moved Billington to a cushy office job as store manager. Problem is Hensely is a lot like Tony in that he seems to be pretty good, but not good enough to compete with more efficient drive thru's. He dosent seem to want to take the necessary risks to get over the hump and start outperforming some of these other restaurants and is content with mediocrity.

The problem is that they guy he has to take his orders from, his shift manager is an old guy named Hans Denning who's been on the job since the franchise was but a single store, and as a result he's stuck in that antiquated paradigm of deploying his servers. Since, as they say, a chain(literally and figuratively) is only as strong as its weakest link, well even that hotshot server from a more modern store a state over, named Pat Lion, working under the constraints handcuffing Hensley, would have angry, underserved customers demanding his head too.

Dr. Phin
10-27-2010, 01:07 AM
How do they get safeties?

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 01:08 AM
The problem is that they guy he has to take his orders from, his shift manager is an old guy named Hans Denning who's been on the job since the franchise was but a single store, and as a result he's stuck in that antiquated paradigm of deploying his servers. Since, as they say, a chain(literally and figuratively) is only as strong as its weakest link, well even that hotshot server from a more modern store a state over, named Pat Lion, working under the constraints handcuffing Hensley, would have angry, underserved customers demanding his head too.

Its Cat Bryant. Or Catty fry daddy as he is known to his fans.

Customers loved it when he was running a shift because they would always get fresh hot fries. Never **** that had been sitting under the heat lamps for an hour. His timing was flawless and he knew how to produce. He read things well, knew when a flux of customers was coming, and always dropped a fresh batch at just the right time.

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 01:11 AM
How do they get safeties?

Those were rare. But a crew would be awarded 2 points if 3 or more of its members had to be used on the other teams shift due to people not showing up for their shift.

MadDog 88
10-27-2010, 01:13 AM
Customers can only hope that the franchise owner, Ross Stephens, makes sweeping changes to his stores management team.

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 01:16 AM
And Vaark is dead on. Hans Denning was the ****ing worst. He shouldve known when to step down and become a Wal Mart greeter. He was just too old and past his time in the bizz.

finnns2000
10-27-2010, 01:47 AM
This thread is quickly becoming my all-time favorite. I heard that Lonnie Green was used as sort of a multi-purpose employee. He could run the store's shifts, but when it came down to it, he loved to dance in front of the customers. I don't think the customers appreciate it.

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 01:50 AM
This thread is quickly becoming my all-time favorite. I heard that Lonnie Green was used as sort of a multi-purpose employee. He could run the store's shifts, but when it came down to it, he loved to dance in front of the customers. I don't think the customers appreciate it.

And it seemed almost every year he would fall off a ladder or something while changing the sign out front and wind up on worker's comp. He's kind of a bum.

finnns2000
10-27-2010, 02:00 AM
And it seemed almost every year he would fall off a ladder or something while changing the sign out front and wind up on worker's comp. He's kind of a bum.

Good point. If he was more like his fellow employee Smokey Williamson, he'd work a little bit harder and stop dancing around.

sharp
10-27-2010, 02:00 AM
Well sometimes WV, guys posts past stupid stats of pasts players and coaches... to me it doesn't matter, its what i see

Spiff
10-27-2010, 03:09 AM
Didn't read the whole story but I am now pretty sure I would never be friends with WV.

flynryan15
10-27-2010, 10:49 AM
I think the solution lies in letting go a few new guys that barely see anytime on the grill during the night shift. Perhaps the can bring in some buffet runners from The Golden Coral? You know the large ones you see snacking on the corn bread?

rev kev
10-27-2010, 11:00 AM
And here I wasn't giving you credit I thought you were going to tell us that he wears shades so he can look at everyone's package in the dressing room withoutbeing detected -

Penthos
10-27-2010, 11:04 AM
Quite clever and very funny.

tylerdolphin
10-27-2010, 11:07 AM
You didnt mention much about that young fry cook Had Chenny. While he usually got the job done, Tony often felt hamstrung by him. He didnt feel confident that Chenney could properly serve a crucial order. Early on in the shift Tony just let the guy work, but come crunch time he would lower Chenneys workload to decrease mistakes and ensure the 70% and 3 points. Im not sure which of the two the problem lies with.

MrEd
10-27-2010, 11:23 AM
:lol: Actually Im completely sober right now and have been for sometime. My bong days are well past me.

C'mon, WV, lets GET REAL....we all use that line about "My marijuana days are long past me..." But when an old friend drops by....you know you take a puff and don't count that....LOL! ;)

JEDIJ007
10-27-2010, 11:43 AM
Oh man that was great. makes my day better. The best thread to date that i've read.

Bumpus
10-27-2010, 11:50 AM
He's still better than that bumbling Wave Danny idiot they used to have as a shift manager. You know, the one who made Smokey Williamson quit because of his repetitive "dump-everything-on-Smokey" style.

TedSlimmJr
10-27-2010, 11:56 AM
Hilarious thread...

It's incredible what unusual and creative ways we'll come up with to argue with each other about the same ****...:lol:

flynryan15
10-27-2010, 12:01 PM
Customers can only hope when the Vice President Of Purchasing resigned Bill Tunahelper, that the product will get better. Hopes rest in new boss Irish Lands, we just have to hope he doesn't buy anymore fatty beef that is so slow to cook.

Shula's Legacy
10-27-2010, 12:01 PM
Frickin windmill fist pumps. Solid work man.

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 02:49 PM
I think the solution lies in letting go a few new guys that barely see anytime on the grill during the night shift. Perhaps the can bring in some buffet runners from The Golden Coral? You know the large ones you see snacking on the corn bread?

:lol:

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 02:52 PM
You didnt mention much about that young fry cook Had Chenny. While he usually got the job done, Tony often felt hamstrung by him. He didnt feel confident that Chenney could properly serve a crucial order. Early on in the shift Tony just let the guy work, but come crunch time he would lower Chenneys workload to decrease mistakes and ensure the 70% and 3 points. Im not sure which of the two the problem lies with.

You mean Tad Hensley. We talked about him. And yes, youre correct on how things went down with Tony and Hensley.

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 02:56 PM
He's still better than that bumbling Wave Danny idiot they used to have as a shift manager. You know, the one who made Smokey Williamson quit because of his repetitive "dump-everything-on-Smokey" style.

Yea, Smokey got pissed about that. I dont blame the dude. He was litterally carrying the load around the place. Then Richard Dragan had to hire that Lonnie Green kid who couldnt get out of his own way. When Smokey came back, the two worked pretty well together for a while, that is when Lonnie wasnt on workers comp.

Flip Tanneflop
10-27-2010, 03:00 PM
And you guys know every fast food joint hires one or two of these mentally challenged kids to come in and wipe down tables that are already clean, clean the bathrooms, and little things like that. But, damn if this place didnt bring in a few too many.

They had Robert Rugarter in there for a few weeks. He would walk around the dining area drooling and cleaning already clean tables with the same rags he used on the bathroom. Man they couldnt get rid of that kid soon enough.

Its like, I understand doing nice things for the community and giving these guys jobs and all, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

phintim
10-27-2010, 03:02 PM
You have way to much time on your hands. Good job other than that though. I guess you don't love Tony do you? Try Cammeron on for size would love to see the book you would write on that guy.

Dolfandenny
10-27-2010, 03:02 PM
:lol: Oh yeah, lmao at the girl bringing him a Cheeseburger everyday. Perfect.

He should have told her too hold the Herpes. Lol

mongos
10-27-2010, 07:01 PM
I heard it differently. Tony was a traveling salesman before he got into coaching. While driving between stops somewhere in the mid west his car broke down.
He came across this farm in a desolate area. He explained to the farmer that he broke down, it was late and asked if he could spend the night. The farmer agreed
so long as he didn't go near his lovely daughter. (Who we know today as Jennifer Lopez, changed her name from Mc Guilicuddy).
Well, without going into the erotic details, Tony gets caught by the farmer waving his arms frantically at Jennifer ( very much like what he does on the sidelines now). Farmer catches the act from afar and figures he in the middle of an orgasm, shoots
Tony in the eyes with buckshot and the rest is history.

JimmyNock
10-27-2010, 07:23 PM
What fast food restaurant was it. I work in New Haven where Tony grew up and have several mutual friends.

Abhenne7
10-27-2010, 10:22 PM
[/QUOTE]She would also later give him herpes, but thats another story.[/QUOTE] This, I'm Curious to know