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View Full Version : What should I have said?



COphinphan89
07-13-2011, 10:19 PM
So I'm walking through Wal-Mart today and some random-*** lady pops out of nowhere and asks me "Do you know how much Jesus loves you?" I tried to think of something witty and smartassed to respond to her with, but drew a blank and just rolled my eyes and sighed as I walked away.

So now I'm left wondering, what should I have said? What would have been most appropriate response?

Bumpus
07-13-2011, 10:27 PM
... As much as 14 drunken Romanian dwarves, juggling live chickens?

Gonzo
07-13-2011, 10:29 PM
"You know my husband Jesus?" Then watch her literally explode.

WeVie
07-13-2011, 10:32 PM
Yeah, he just killed my parents in a car accident and they had a massive insurance policy.

Bumpus
07-13-2011, 10:34 PM
... As much as Ron Jeremy loves getting deepthroated?

Locke
07-13-2011, 10:37 PM
"You mean that Mexican guy that lives down the street from me? He pronounces it 'Hey-soos' thought..."

Bumpus
07-13-2011, 10:40 PM
Or, you could've just gone with an extremely hopeful voice & say, "As much as Satan?"

Tunaphish429
07-13-2011, 10:54 PM
Yea I do. I was raped by a preist.

JCane
07-13-2011, 11:04 PM
"You mean that Mexican guy that lives down the street from me? He pronounces it 'Hey-soos' thought..."

This is exactly what I was going to post.

"Jesus? *confused look* I think it's pronounced Hey-Suess because he's Mexican and he steals hubcaps from cars. Pretty sure he doesn't love me at all."

Or, you could have gone the childish route and began yelling frantically, "HELP! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! ADULT! AMBER ALERT! AMBER ALERT!"

WVDolphan
07-13-2011, 11:38 PM
Its definately a situation to clown.

If you could think of something funny immediately, go with it. If not, a standard no would do.

But, what immediately came to my mind when I read this was to play along and pretend not only interested, but as if you have never heard of Jesus. Face it, this lady is obviously so stupid, she would actually believe that you have never heard of Jesus before. Look at her with a straight face and immediately say "Who?" Make her spend a minute explaining to you who this Jesus person is before it hits her that she is getting clowned. Retards.

Vaark
07-14-2011, 12:50 AM
I usually thank them for the sentiment, advise them that if they were thinking clearly they'd realize that all organized religion is poppycock designed to instill compliance through fear in impressionable, sheepish, weak minds. Then I'd direct them to www.deism.com

... or you can just inform them that you're a Jehovah's Witness presently with an ambitious and timely conversion quota inquiring when would be a good time to visit them at home with your publication "The Watchtower." :idk:

tylerdolphin
07-14-2011, 02:54 AM
Tell them youve held it against Jesus ever since he gave you herpes in that bathroom stall.

JCane
07-14-2011, 02:55 AM
Tell them youve held it against Jesus ever since he gave you herpes in that bathroom stall.

"Apparantly a lot. That son of a ***** snuck up behind me over on the sock aisle and tried to grab my dick 'n balls."

tylerdolphin
07-14-2011, 02:57 AM
"Apparantly a lot. That son of a ***** snuck up behind me over on the sock aisle and tried to grab my dick 'n balls."

Id bust out a really inappropraite photo now, but I think youve already seen it and Im 100% sure it can be classified as porn :lol:

JCane
07-14-2011, 02:58 AM
Id bust out a really inappropraite photo now, but I think youve already seen it and Im 100% sure it can be classified as porn :lol:

:lol: :lol:

tylerdolphin
07-14-2011, 03:02 AM
"Didnt this Jesus dude die like 2000 years ago? Im only like 20 so I doubt he met me."