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Dovahkiin
06-01-2012, 01:07 PM
Guys I picked up a client not too long ago from Miami International. He flew in from Boston to discuss some business. I decided to treat him to some real authentic Cuban food at Sarussi in Hialeah. Now I'm in a truck stop bathroom after my Ropa Vieja disagreed with my stomach. Couldn't get the stall locked and my trousers down quick enough before checking for toilet paper. All out. This is a single ****ter. I called the truck stop to see if the guy at the counter would bring me some toilet paper but he no habla ingles. *******. What now? I'm out of options. I picked a bad day for loafers without socks.

CedarPhin
06-01-2012, 01:56 PM
bidet?

Vaark
06-01-2012, 02:20 PM
either check the next stall over for TP if there is one, or the paper hand towel dispenser if there's no blower. You can wait for a spanish speaking customer to come in and through the stall door ask him nicely to request TP. Beyond that you have no choice but to use your undies and then throw them away. :idk:

Gonzo
06-01-2012, 03:22 PM
Isn't that why they have hand soap in bathrooms?

tylerdolphin
06-01-2012, 05:39 PM
Real talk...just dont wipe. Stay in the bathroom another few minutes while the **** crusts up on your ass and isnt runny anymore. Then just pull up your pants. You have on underwear plus pants so they should seal in the scent adequately. Ive done this on numerous occasions and it has yet to fail me.

NY8123
06-01-2012, 09:41 PM
Pictures or is didn't happen.

Valandui
06-01-2012, 11:16 PM
Pictures or is didn't happen.Why would you want pictures ?

NY8123
06-02-2012, 12:46 AM
Why would you want pictures ?

It's the rule.

PhinzN703
06-02-2012, 10:53 AM
It's the rule.

In the land of wanting to see dry **** on a dude's ass? Yikes

---------- Post added at 10:53 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:52 AM ----------


Real talk...just dont wipe. Stay in the bathroom another few minutes while the **** crusts up on your ass and isnt runny anymore. Then just pull up your pants. You have on underwear plus pants so they should seal in the scent adequately. Ive done this on numerous occasions and it has yet to fail me.

Nasty mother****er

:lol:

Wildbill3
06-02-2012, 01:01 PM
use your underwear then rinse and wipe again. finally you should throw away those ****ty underwear.

COphinphan89
06-03-2012, 01:39 AM
They didn't have paper towels in there you could walk up and grab?

One trick my dad taught me, if you have a knife handy, you can always cut the pockets out of your pants and use them. The pants are no good after that, but it gets you out of a pretty sloppy situation.

Bumpus
06-03-2012, 07:52 AM
Real talk...just dont wipe. Stay in the bathroom another few minutes while the **** crusts up on your ass and isnt runny anymore. Then just pull up your pants. You have on underwear plus pants so they should seal in the scent adequately. Ive done this on numerous occasions and it has yet to fail me.

Ahh ... The 'ol tried & true "spread-em-wide-and-wipe-later" technique. :up:

Gonzo
06-03-2012, 09:57 AM
They didn't have paper towels in there you could walk up and grab?

One trick my dad taught me, if you have a knife handy, you can always cut the pockets out of your pants and use them. The pants are no good after that, but it gets you out of a pretty sloppy situation.
The best advice usually starts like this.

Bobby Humphrey
06-03-2012, 10:47 PM
Pictures or is didn't happen.

man, why can't i stop laughing at that ......

CedarPhin
06-04-2012, 03:05 AM
Anyone remember that epic **** pic I posted a long assed time ago? ****tacular.

cbreeden
06-04-2012, 11:08 AM
Brings to mind an old nursery rhyme:

Here I sit in a smelly vapor
Some mother-****er stole the toilet paper
The boss is calling, I cannot linger
Look out ******* here comes my finger!

Dovahkiin
06-06-2012, 12:45 AM
Lots of help you guys are. I'll know never to go get stuck in a fox hole with any of you. Sheesh. Ended up having to call my client who was waiting outside in my convertible Miata. Told him to go buy some of that John Wayne toilet paper and bring it to me. That made for awkward conversation in the car. Learned a valuable lesson though. No thanks to you guys.

Funky Fin
06-06-2012, 12:55 AM
Use the guy from Boston to wipe your ass.

COphinphan89
06-06-2012, 01:05 AM
There wasn't even the cardboard ring there for you to fold up and scrape off the real slimy stuff?

Filthy Fin
06-06-2012, 07:50 AM
I just do this and move on along.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nH7poHLCI3o

Tunaphish429
06-06-2012, 08:55 AM
This is a horrible situation...

Wildbill3
06-06-2012, 10:51 AM
This is a horrible situation...

nah not anymore it's been 5 days as I type this. i'm sure he's found a solution by now. he probably went with the chihuahua butt slide.

Bumpus
06-06-2012, 09:02 PM
Lots of help you guys are. I'll know never to go get stuck in a fox hole with any of you. Sheesh. Ended up having to call my client who was waiting outside in my convertible Miata. Told him to go buy some of that John Wayne toilet paper and bring it to me. That made for awkward conversation in the car. Learned a valuable lesson though. No thanks to you guys.

Hey, no ****. (pun intended)

The 'ol "Spread-em-wide-and-wipe-later" technique works, but it requires an assload of concentration. As you know, cheeks have the tendency to "close ranks" ... You must resist this to pull off this technique.





It saves lives people ... it saves lives.

GoonBoss
06-12-2012, 07:49 PM
Call the guy back and scream "I NEED-O SOME-O TOILET PAPER-O! PRONTO AMIGO!"

Your issue is you didn't say it loud enough. They only understand if you say it loudly enough.