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View Full Version : Todays been good 'Its my birthday'



JohnSimmons
06-02-2005, 08:08 PM
Hey this is John Simmons agen hows everywon doing: well today is my birthday and im now 27 years old: it doesnt seem like that long i was born: so anyways i got pics from today and im just at home resting up though because theirs going to be a big party tonite: it shood be a grate party with lots of women:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/dug-1.jpg
lets start with this morning: im currently staying at my frend Rustys house in the city with he and his wife and their kid: i got avicted from my apartment but ill be back soon: im getting on at another gas station befor long: so anyways i usually mow the lawn at Rustys to show apreshiation for him letting me stay there: i woke up this morning and there was Dug outside mowing for me so i woodnt have to on my birthday: i sed {hey dug: you dont have to do that} he sed:{dont worry abowt it john: its yore birthday take it easy} so the day started off grate:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/birthdaycake-1.jpg
so then at about noon i hear a nock at the door and go and ansur it and their is this package their: i opened it and i saw my cake: it sed {happy birthday john} on it: i took this pic of it in my room with lites off and the candles going: we 'dug-his girlfrend-rusty-and his wife' were going to eat it at about 1 becaus we new we woodnt be able to tonite becaus of the big party:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/babyeatingcake-1.jpg
we didnt get to eat the cake tho because i acsadentaly set it on the Rustys kids tray wile i went over to get the silverware out: when i turned around the cake was on the floor because the kid had tried to eat it and he also got a lot on him: i yelled at the kid {why did you do that to my cake: we were going to eat the cake: you make me sick:} i lookd him rite in the eye wen I yelld it and he started crying: Rusty came in and sed {why is my boy crying}: i sed {look what he did: i yelld at him:}: Rusty offerd to by me a new cake but i told him not to worry about it becaus there wood probly be won at the party tonite: he did make it up to me tho: he calld his sister over to have sex with me:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/664392_50ffe5eb05-1.jpg
this is his sister tina: shes 24: she was on the phone with her manager saying that she woodnt be able to make work becaus she was sick: well she wasnt sick she was with me in bed for about a hour: so anyways she went back to work after i got done with her and just told them that she had felt better: shes going to be at my party tonite and shes bringing sum of her frends: i guess they all want to meet me now becaus she told them about my methods:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/Juicy-1.jpg
as we speak my jenes are in the dryer becaus that kid of Rusty's put cake on them: they didnt like me walking arownd in my underware so Rustys wife let me borrow her pants: rusty woodnt let me borrow his: they thought this was funny and took a pic: i think the lettering is a good idea but i dont like whats written on these pants: rustys wife told me that i can get sum made with whatever i want written on them: im thinking about sumthing like {Ernhart 4 Ever} on black sweats just to slepe in: i mite end up keeping this pare im wearing becaus theyr real comfortable and i cood slepe in them:

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif
i also got a new dog today from dugs girlfrend: she sed he wood be a good frend: i think its calld a rotwiler: he was barking and growling at the kid erlier: i think hes picking up on my angriness abowt the cake: i went outside and was playing fetch with him in the backyard and he chargd me and showd his teeth: i wressled him to the grownd and sed {dont you ever do that agen}: he backd off then and now hes following my orders:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/Rottweiler-1.jpg
i also got this grate shirt with my dog and im going to ware it to the party tonite: i think the shirt is real well done and im glad i got it: it looks a lot like my dog on their so if anywon asks {what does yore dog look like} ill just point to the shirt:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/AJPG-1.jpg
theres been this cat in the nayborhood thats been biting kids and no won has been able to catch it: nobody nos wear it came from but they do no that theirs a lot of kids who have had to go to the hospital becaus of being bitten: well my dog just killd the evil thing abowt ten minuts ago: i was out back playing fetch with my dog wen the cat jumpd down and started hissing: it also showd its teeth: i sed {you get it: make sure you kill it:} well he went over and bit it arownd the neck and shook it til it stopped moving: now its ded: i dont no if its true or not but ive red in sum books about demons diskizing themselves as cats: this cood have been won exampel: you never no:

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif
i also got a new ashtray: as you can tell ive been using it: this is just from the past 20 minuts: i do smoke a lot: women are always saying {john quit smoking: it isnt good: it kills you erly} i always tell them that i no what im doing: im sure their are people out their who have caut themselves on fire with cigaretts but i never have come close: i dont have anything to worry abowt with cigs: ive been smoking since i was ten:

Well i think those jenes are done from the dryer now: i have to get reddy for that party its in abowt a hour: i'll talk to everywon later:

John Simmons

Buddwalk
06-02-2005, 08:09 PM
Happy Birthday

Philter25
06-02-2005, 08:20 PM
god i love john simmons. kan u run for prezident?

Prime
06-02-2005, 08:25 PM
I love reading your stories John.



Happy Birthday man :party:

miamikid92
06-02-2005, 08:26 PM
:clap:

Jt0323
06-02-2005, 08:29 PM
happy b-day

painnotpleasure
06-02-2005, 08:31 PM
Happy Birthday man! Nice post! :clap: :birthday: :cake: :party:

d-day
06-02-2005, 08:31 PM
tina's pretty f'en hot bro - snap some more pic's of her and her friends and i'll post em in the ladies lounge - i'll leave the captions for you - happy b-day from d-day - john simmons :hump:

cnc66
06-02-2005, 08:34 PM
well John, my birthday has not been quite as eventful as yurz but its been gud enough. From one birthday boy to another, Happy Birthday !

painnotpleasure
06-02-2005, 08:38 PM
well John, my birthday has not been quite as eventful as yurz but its been gud enough. From one birthday boy to another, Happy Birthday ! And............... HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you too!! :birthday: :cake: :party:

Glad to hear your birthday was good enough, hope you enjoyed it. :mdfin:

ABrownLamp
06-02-2005, 08:49 PM
This guy takes more time to spam message boards than anyone I have ever seen.

Prime
06-02-2005, 09:08 PM
This guy takes more time to spam message boards than anyone I have ever seen.


Chill dude. His stories are awesome.

mor911
06-02-2005, 09:10 PM
god i love john simmons. kan u run for prezident?
I'd agree with you if he didn't have a Jets logo for an avatar. :cooldude:

painnotpleasure
06-02-2005, 09:14 PM
I'd agree with you if he didn't have a Jets logo for an avatar. :cooldude: Your new sig man........ :rofl:

mor911
06-02-2005, 09:17 PM
Your new sig man........ :rofl:
LOL, I wanted to use some ladies that can't offend anyone... Unless there's gun haters too... :roflmao:

ABrownLamp
06-02-2005, 09:39 PM
LOL, I wanted to use some ladies that can't offend anyone... Unless there's gun haters too... :roflmao:

I don't know what makes you think the same guy that voiced his complaint over seeing cheerleaders in your sig, which he could see at a Dolphins game would not have a problem with nuns ready to pop one.

ABrownLamp
06-02-2005, 09:39 PM
Chill dude. His stories are awesome.

If you say so.

mor911
06-02-2005, 09:40 PM
I don't know what makes you think the same guy that voiced his complaint over seeing cheerleaders in your sig, which he could see at a Dolphins game would not have a problem with nuns ready to pop one.
true..

A Wing Pilot
06-02-2005, 09:57 PM
Mor EXACTLY WHAT I wanted to see in your sig thas freaking hilarious !!!!

NJFINSFAN1
06-02-2005, 10:36 PM
I just got dizzy reading that!!!!

Noodle Arm
06-02-2005, 10:39 PM
John Simmons = God (After the past 10 years or so, I always knew god was a Jets fan *shakes fist*)

mercury 40
06-02-2005, 10:53 PM
HAPPY B DAY JOHN. THIS WAS THE FIRST POST I read of yours and man your alright in my book . at least you didnt have wreck for your birthday or had your truck repossesed . I am feeling capital today so i will give you present in the form of a tip. " he who ask a woman if she is putting on weight will most certainly be sleeping alone right after the slap in the face "

quote is from bill clinton my truest hero right after dday and dan marino and randy mcmichael:cooldude:

Roman529
06-02-2005, 11:15 PM
Nice post and congrats on the birthday....mine was on Memorial Day...and cool Rottweiler.

PHINATIC13
06-02-2005, 11:25 PM
good post man, have a happy B-day

Predaphin
06-03-2005, 01:46 AM
happy B Day john...screw a chick for me at your party dude.

Slappy8800
06-03-2005, 02:20 AM
i want that minute and a half of my life back

Martel
06-03-2005, 02:35 AM
That was funny. Happy b-day John.

Dolfan984
06-03-2005, 05:02 AM
You should post more.

inFINSible
06-03-2005, 07:00 AM
I'd agree with you if he didn't have a Jets logo for an avatar. :cooldude:
:rofl3: :rofl3: That sig is hilarious!!

Oh yeah.....Happy Birtday Jon.

themole
06-03-2005, 05:05 PM
Hey this is John Simmons agen hows everywon doing: well today is my birthday and im now 27 years old: it doesnt seem like that long i was born: so anyways i got pics from today and im just at home resting up though because theirs going to be a big party tonite: it shood be a grate party with lots of women:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/dug-1.jpg
lets start with this morning: im currently staying at my frend Rustys house in the city with he and his wife and their kid: i got avicted from my apartment but ill be back soon: im getting on at another gas station befor long: so anyways i usually mow the lawn at Rustys to show apreshiation for him letting me stay there: i woke up this morning and there was Dug outside mowing for me so i woodnt have to on my birthday: i sed {hey dug: you dont have to do that} he sed:{dont worry abowt it john: its yore birthday take it easy} so the day started off grate:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/birthdaycake-1.jpg
so then at about noon i hear a nock at the door and go and ansur it and their is this package their: i opened it and i saw my cake: it sed {happy birthday john} on it: i took this pic of it in my room with lites off and the candles going: we 'dug-his girlfrend-rusty-and his wife' were going to eat it at about 1 becaus we new we woodnt be able to tonite becaus of the big party:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/babyeatingcake-1.jpg
we didnt get to eat the cake tho because i acsadentaly set it on the Rustys kids tray wile i went over to get the silverware out: when i turned around the cake was on the floor because the kid had tried to eat it and he also got a lot on him: i yelled at the kid {why did you do that to my cake: we were going to eat the cake: you make me sick:} i lookd him rite in the eye wen I yelld it and he started crying: Rusty came in and sed {why is my boy crying}: i sed {look what he did: i yelld at him:}: Rusty offerd to by me a new cake but i told him not to worry about it becaus there wood probly be won at the party tonite: he did make it up to me tho: he calld his sister over to have sex with me:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/664392_50ffe5eb05-1.jpg
this is his sister tina: shes 24: she was on the phone with her manager saying that she woodnt be able to make work becaus she was sick: well she wasnt sick she was with me in bed for about a hour: so anyways she went back to work after i got done with her and just told them that she had felt better: shes going to be at my party tonite and shes bringing sum of her frends: i guess they all want to meet me now becaus she told them about my methods:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/Juicy-1.jpg
as we speak my jenes are in the dryer becaus that kid of Rusty's put cake on them: they didnt like me walking arownd in my underware so Rustys wife let me borrow her pants: rusty woodnt let me borrow his: they thought this was funny and took a pic: i think the lettering is a good idea but i dont like whats written on these pants: rustys wife told me that i can get sum made with whatever i want written on them: im thinking about sumthing like {Ernhart 4 Ever} on black sweats just to slepe in: i mite end up keeping this pare im wearing becaus theyr real comfortable and i cood slepe in them:

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif
i also got a new dog today from dugs girlfrend: she sed he wood be a good frend: i think its calld a rotwiler: he was barking and growling at the kid erlier: i think hes picking up on my angriness abowt the cake: i went outside and was playing fetch with him in the backyard and he chargd me and showd his teeth: i wressled him to the grownd and sed {dont you ever do that agen}: he backd off then and now hes following my orders:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/Rottweiler-1.jpg
i also got this grate shirt with my dog and im going to ware it to the party tonite: i think the shirt is real well done and im glad i got it: it looks a lot like my dog on their so if anywon asks {what does yore dog look like} ill just point to the shirt:

http://www.finheaven.com/images/imported/2005/06/AJPG-1.jpg
theres been this cat in the nayborhood thats been biting kids and no won has been able to catch it: nobody nos wear it came from but they do no that theirs a lot of kids who have had to go to the hospital becaus of being bitten: well my dog just killd the evil thing abowt ten minuts ago: i was out back playing fetch with my dog wen the cat jumpd down and started hissing: it also showd its teeth: i sed {you get it: make sure you kill it:} well he went over and bit it arownd the neck and shook it til it stopped moving: now its ded: i dont no if its true or not but ive red in sum books about demons diskizing themselves as cats: this cood have been won exampel: you never no:

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif
i also got a new ashtray: as you can tell ive been using it: this is just from the past 20 minuts: i do smoke a lot: women are always saying {john quit smoking: it isnt good: it kills you erly} i always tell them that i no what im doing: im sure their are people out their who have caut themselves on fire with cigaretts but i never have come close: i dont have anything to worry abowt with cigs: ive been smoking since i was ten:

Well i think those jenes are done from the dryer now: i have to get reddy for that party its in abowt a hour: i'll talk to everywon later:

John Simmons

Hey John. Its so good to here from you agin. I'm so proud you made it to your birfday. I know jist wat you mean about it not bein so long sinse you was borned.

But lookin back it's been a long time now fer me. Long nuff that I got some wisdom.

John, howscome you got avicted from yore a part ment? I thought them a part ments was cheap to live in.

John there is sumpin worrisome to me bout yore friend namea Dug. I would not trust him. Jist look at him in that pichure you took.{Out there in the front yard wearin those lil ole tight britches and them white tenny shoes on}best ya watch him like a hawk. By the way..what's that thang he's a pushin? Down here where I live we don't cotton to men that goes about dressed like that. He looks like one of them purverts you see on the tv shows such as Americas most wanted and sh!t. One of them molelesters. Ya hear me John?

That shore is a purty cake they got ya for yore birfday John. I never seen no square cake befor. Alls we gots down here is sweet tater cakes and they don't come in nothin but round. Be proud ya could take a pichur of it so as it can last a long time.

John, I thank you did right by yellin at Rustys kid. By the time he'uz that old he shoulda knowed better.{ya know what they say: spoil the rod and spare the child or is it spare the rod and spoil the child}? I disrememember jist exsacly how it goes. Anyways I got those words out the bibel. That's where I got some of my wisdom.

John, it shore was nice of Rusty to share some of his sister Tina, wit ya. She shore is a looker ain't she? Maybe I'd like to hear bout some of yore methods some more John. I cain't thank of but two. But they's gooduns though.

John, is that a pichure of yore "aice" in those britches with the writein on them? I don't aim to make you mad John, but you have a "aice" like a girl. You need to Qit that gas station and git you a job that's got a lot of steps you kin climb so as you kin git you a man "aice" agin.

John, do you like Ernhardt? I do too. Now I live right here where NASCAR was borned and I thank I need to tell ya that Ernhardts number was 3 not 4 and Juners is 8. Juners number is 8 cause if ya look at it close it looks like two 3s a kissin and Juner didn't want to take his daddies ole number cause of bad luck and sh!t. Bet ya didn't know that did ya. Tolt ya I got wisdom. That's why you need to listen to me John.

That Rockwilder dog shore is purty John. He gots a nice smile. But keep a close eye on him cause he will turn on ya.

I had me a dog oncet when I waz yore age. He was a Bluetick Hound. He waz real famous back then. A Rock N Roll Band named the "Byrds" made a song about him. His name waz Blue and he waz a good dog too. I know you thank that's a funny name to name a band but back then all the bands waz named after bugs and sh!t. But they made some real good music bout dogs and moonshine and hangins and shootins.

I tell ya one thang John. I shore like that grate shirt you got with that pichure of yore dog on it. Do you thank you kin git me one wit a pichure of ole Blue on it? I promise I want wear it nowhere but to church and court and funerals and special places like that. I promise!

John, I'm glad yore dog kilt that cat. It jist ain't natual for a cat to go round hissin and showin its teeth at peoples. I thank maybe it had RayBees. RayBees is a affliction that causes them to go crazy and froth at the mouth and makes em start huntin up peoples to bite. Oh! I thank you are right bout "Haints" gittin in cats bodies and takin them over.

They's somepin out there called science,{just a bunch of people that thank they know it all} anyways I thank science jist give them Haints another name of "RayBees" on account that it wootin scare the hell outin peoples.

John, like I tolt ya. I gots wisdom. I seen them kind of cigeretts befor. When I gratuated from 8th grade the govment made us watch a show named "Reefer Madness". Back then the Beatniks waz smugglin marywanni into the country a gittin all the kids hooked on it. I kin tell thats what that is in yore ashtray on account of them little brown barrels on the end of them cigeretts. Prince Albert ain't gots them little brown barrells on the end where the dope is stored.

John yore friends are right. Don't mess wit that stuff. I hear it will make you see colors and sh!t.

Make sure you let me know what you are doin next week John so I can share some more of my wisdom wit ya.

Yore teacher

Themole

cnc66
06-03-2005, 05:30 PM
Hey John. Its so good good to here from you agin. I'm so proud you made it to your birfday. I know jist wat you mean about it not bein so long sinse you was borned.

But lookin back it's been a long time now fer me. Long nuff that I got some wisdom.

Make sure you let me know what you are doin next week John so I can share some more of my wisdom wit ya.

Yore teacher

Themole

funny, funny stuff

Amars
06-03-2005, 05:54 PM
H - Bday

eviljared
06-03-2005, 07:19 PM
i know him personally and i dont think theres a boring day in this mans life and all the ladies i dont know how in the world he keeps the names strait

Emskirch
06-05-2005, 06:13 PM
John Simmons = God

Buddwalk
06-05-2005, 06:16 PM
John Simmons = God

I'm afraid not

mor911
06-05-2005, 06:31 PM
i know him personally and i dont think theres a boring day in this mans life and all the ladies i dont know how in the world he keeps the names strait
New acct with one post... I wonder who you are.

Dolfan73
06-05-2005, 11:10 PM
John = Jared = Jets fan = Assclown

Sounds like he's writing to his mother from overseas LMFAO

Emskirch
06-06-2005, 12:11 AM
I'm afraid not

You are incorrect Sir. History will tell the tale.

wazzy
06-06-2005, 12:27 AM
LOL happy b-day great story.............. key word is story there you should write a book 1 day about the stories you told in your lifetime.