View Full Version : Types of Sex

06-11-2005, 05:15 PM
> Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
> "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
> "Social Security sex?"
> "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live
> on!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
> doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
> "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
> what the problem is."
> "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his
> wife during a recent lovemaking session,
> "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
> She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and
> torn from his body. His doctor assured him
> that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his
> insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it
> was considered cosmetic.
> The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small," $6,500 for
> "medium," and $14,000 for "large."
> The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged
> him to talk it over with his wife before
> he made any decision.
> The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The
> doctor came back into the room, and found
> the man looking dejected.
> "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
> The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
> wedding anniversary. The husband yells,
> "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My
> Wife - Cold As Ever'."
> "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
> reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At
> Last.'"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will
> make you happy tonight."
> He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over
> the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> One night an 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr
> old husband in bed with another woman.
> She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their
> 20th floor assisted living apartment ...
> killing him instantly.
> Brought before the court on charge of murder. The judge asked her if
> she had anything to say in her defense.
> She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could
> have sex . he could fly

06-11-2005, 05:48 PM
:lol: Nice!