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Jazzbow
10-26-2002, 08:32 PM
Seems Pierpont is well known on the African continent...

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From: HELEN CHUKWU [mailto:helenchukwu37@netscape.net]
Sent: Thursday, October 17, 2002 9:14 AM
Subject: VERY URGENT


MRS. HELEN CHUKWU
Plot 277 Mohtala mohammed way
Ikeja Lagos.
Email: xxxxxxxxxxx@netscape.net


INTRODUCTION: l am Mrs. Helen Chukwu a Civil servant. l know this proposal will come to you as a surprise because we have not met before either physically or through correspondence. I have no doubt in your ability to handle this proposal involving huge sum of money.

THE SUBJECT: MY HUSBAND CHIEF JOSEPH CHUKWU (Now Late) was the Royal Head of my Community, ELEME (an oil rich town)in *****ia. My late husband community produces 5.8% of the total crude oil production in *****ia and 0.5% of the Dollar value of each barrel is paid to my husband as royalty by the Federal Government.

My husband was also the Chairman of ELEME Special Oil Trust Fund. In his position as the Royal head and Chairman of the Oil Trust Fund, he made some money which he left for me and children as the only thing to inherit. The money is Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars($10.5m).

This Money originated from the accumulation between 1976-1998. Due to poor banking system in *****ia and political instability as a result of past Military rules (1985-1999), he deposited this Money in a Strong Room/"VAULTS" with an open beneficiary in Apex Bank of *****ia pending when he would finish arrangement to transfer it abroad as a CONTRACT PAYMENT. He was planning this when he died late last year of Heart Attack.

THE PROPOSAL: Just before my husband died he called my attention to the money and charged me to look for a foreigner who would assist me in the transfer / investment of the funds abroad. So l would be very grateful if you could accept to help me archieve this great objective.

I promise to give you 20% of the total funds transferred to your vital bank account as compensation for your assistance. Five percent (5%)would be set aside to take care of all expenses we may incure during the transaction. To indicate your interest, contact me urgently and confidentially for more information and the roles you will play in this business. All the legal information concerning this Money will be sent to you as soon as we agree together.

Send your reply through this mail box.

Yours faithfully,
MRS. Helen Chukwu

N.B
I will like you to provide me immediately with your full names, telephone/fax and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits, which will put you in place as the
beneficiary.

Jazzbow
10-26-2002, 09:12 PM
Of course Pierpont is a soft touch for a damsel in distress...

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Dear Mrs. Chukwo,

I was very touched to read your sad letter. I am so sorry to hear about your husband's untimely demise. My heart goes out to you because I too recently lost my illusionary spouse, may she rest in peace. Last year, while working in the hotdog factory, she slipped and fell into a vat. The doctors say it was painless, but all I am left with is sorrow and a pack of ballpark franks as a remembrance.

Yes, I am interested in your business proposal although I am curious as to how you chose me for this important and double top secret partnership?

My full name is Pierpont Emanuel Weaver. My phone is: 206-600-5600. My Fax is the same number, simply press send before the beep to transmit a FAX.

My address is:
1313 Highbrow Court
Tampa, Fl 33610

You'll notice I am replying through a different email account. This one is more secure than the other, please reply to this account only.

Yours in Peace and Fertility,

Pierpont Emanuel Weaver, ESQ.

Sabre Ally
10-26-2002, 09:14 PM
hotdog factory? :lol:

Jazzbow
10-26-2002, 09:18 PM
I'm afraid so dear. I actually ate her one week when I was babysitting his dog while he was out of town. I never had the heart to tell him. A bit salty, but all in all not too bad.

BTP
10-26-2002, 09:20 PM
Originally posted by Jazzbow
I'm afraid so dear. I actually ate her one week when I was babysitting his dog while he was out of town. I never had the heart to tell him. A bit salty, but all in all not too bad.


try ketchup ;) takes away the salt taste :evil: Just close your eyes :lol:

Jazzbow
10-26-2002, 09:22 PM
To which Miss Helen replies:

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Dear Pierpont Emanuel Weaver

Thanks you so much and was very happy when I read your mail showing your interest in helping me to claim this fund from the Security Company where my Late husband deposited the money. I wish to let you know that this is legal and 100% risk free, but you have to note that this is a deal between you and myself alone, you have to know that nobody is aware that this funds is still existing not even my Government, because if my Government happen to know the entire fund will be seized and my family will continue to surfer.

Please, I will like to use this opportunity and beg you for the protection/Security of my life/Identify, because I am still working under my Government as a Civil Servant. If in any case my Government come to know that my family still have this fund in existence, it will be seized and that will put me into trouble or even Land me into jail, so you have to promise me of my total Security and Protection first.

This transaction is legal because I will send to you the vital information/particulars that my Late husband used in depositing this fund. For us to get the needed success from this deal you have to always abide to my instructions, since I will not show my face or come out personally in this transaction due to the top most secrecy and confidentially it demands. Note that 5% of the total sum has been mapped out for the expenses that may come up in the cause of you claiming this fund from the Security company. 20% goes to you for your honest assistance and the balance remains for me and my family.

Due to the Security that this deal demand I can not call you now because my out word telephone calls are monitored by the Security agents assigned to monitor me and my husband family members because they still believed that my husband must have something somewhere that is not known to the Government.

You don't have to discuss this deal with a second or third party, please until you claim this money, it could be very dangerous to this transaction because you don't know who is posed as a spy over there in your country for my Government. Due to the political instability in my country we need to act fast and have this fund claimed now that we are under democratically elected Government lead by OLUSEGUN OBASANJO. Note that this transaction will take only 10-12 working days from the day you establish Communication with the Security Company.

These are the information/particulars which my Late Husband use in depositing the fund as follows:-

(1) The name of the Security Company as: Equity Finance House.
(2) The amount is: US$10.5 MILLION DOLLARS
(3) The Security Deposit Number is: EFP&H/PED/2089-XF/98
(4) The Pin Code of the Fund is: (1971) this is most important of all.

The information of the Security Company is as follow:

The name of Manager is as: Mr. Raymond Lasis
The Fax Number is: 234-1-7599877.


The telephone and email address of the Company will be given to you as soon as you promise me that my life and identify is safe. With these information/particulars the fund is as good as being in your bank account. But we need to talk more on this transaction before you can go ahead and call the Security Company or reach them by mail.

I will need your private telephone and fax number because I will want to send my international passport and the Certificate of deposit.

First and foremost, we have to draw on agreement that will self guide both parties throughout this transaction. So I advise you to send to me in your next reply, your full name and address. If you can prove your interest and willing to assist me retrieve this fund then I am ready to de business with you.

Thanks for your interest.
Regards.

Mrs. Helen Chukwu.

NB.
My picture will be given to you as soon as you promise me protection/Security of my life/Identify

acb
10-26-2002, 09:26 PM
Hell, I invested $10,000 in a similar business plan and I know it will pay off soon. I haven't heard back in 3 weeks, but I am sure it's because of the poor communication infrastructure over there.

Jazzbow
10-27-2002, 06:09 AM
Dear Mrs. Helen Chukwu,

Good Heavens!!! I knew from you first message that discretion and double-talk were the order of the day, but you think really there might be SPIES onto us? I'm very concerned. I snapped a picture of a suspicious looking fellow I saw the other day. I've attached his picture to this email -- is he one of your country's spies, do you recognize him?

At any rate, of course I will gladly help you out of this most unfortunate situation you've been trapped in. I'll have you know that I'll do all in my power to protect you also. although I may seem a little thin, I am trained in thirty seven different oriental martial arts and won't hesitate to thrash any bounder who tries to cause us trouble!

I've already sent you my phone number and name and what-not. It was in my email reply to you.

I look forward to receiving your picture. I'll send mine to you when I get it.


Your in Peace and Fertility,

Pierpont Emanuel Weaver

<img src="http://www.jazzopolis.com/pix/spy.jpg">

Jazzbow
10-28-2002, 01:14 AM
Well, apparently a picture of somebody talking into their shoe phone doesn't phase Helen in the slightest. The good news is she doesn't think he was a N I G E R I A N spy!!! Still no picture from her though.

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Dear Emanuel,

How are you and your family? Hope fine.

I have secured an attorney who has agreed to assist us in this transaction procure some of the Vital documents that will enable you claim this fund, and said it will cost us US$4,000.00, which I have made an advance payment of US$2,000.00 to him to start up this transaction. He also said, he will draw an agreement (Memorandum of understanding) that will safe guide us throughout this transaction, and promised to send you a copy hopefully today.

The name of the attorney is:
Barrister Ishola Williams
Fax: nnnnnnnnnnn
Phone: nnnnnnnnnnn

E-mail: xxxxxxxxxxx@lawyer.com

I will be sending you my photogragh soonest,also I dont know that person in the photogragh you sent me. I dont think he is a spy.

Waiting to hear from you soon.

Regards,
Helen Chukwu

Sabre Ally
10-28-2002, 02:32 AM
What happened to the gold deal? Is he still working on that, too?

Jazzbow
10-28-2002, 02:37 AM
But of course! ;) New reply was posted earlier.

Sabre Ally
10-28-2002, 02:39 AM
Ah thanks. I guess that thread got buried under all the BS earlier and I missed it.

Jazzbow
10-28-2002, 10:51 PM
Her "barrister" left me a voice mail too... actually two of them, but one was messed up. He can't seem to get the FAX option to work.

<embed src="http://www.jazzopolis.com/sound/helen3a.WAV" autostart="false">

Jazzbow
10-31-2002, 10:57 PM
Pierpont replies to the lovely Helen. Something tells me he is going to end up getting in a BIG fight with the lawyer. Why, he might need Leviticus "Buck" Wheat to intervene in the mess and save the day...

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Dear Helen,

I hope I'm not being to bold and forward by addressing you as Helen rather than by your honorific title Mrs.Chukwu. I hope you are doing fine and your family is in good health and spirits.

I was wondering something today as I sat in my office firing rubberbands towards the ceiling and twiddling my thumbs -- you said your late deader-than-a-doornail husband was a CHIEF -- does that make you some sort of African Royalty? A Princess or something? Should I be addressing you as Your Royal Highness and Goomba Chukwu? I only ask because I'm very concerned about protocol and don't want to do anything inadvertant to offend you.

I also think you are correct about that fellow not being a spy. At least I didn't notice him following me today, and I was very cautious today. I'm thinking about buying nightvision goggles so I can keep an eye on my neighborhood in the dark.

I do have one observation. I notice, inspite of the double top secret nature of our partnership, you blabbed it all to some shyster lawyer. Well, I suppose one is needed, but $4,000 dollars for some slug to fill out some papers? Helen, even though we've set aside 5% for expenses, you mustn't get suckered in, nor suck upon, every sweet talker who comes along.

I'll contact this Barrister Ishola Williams, but I think his fees are outlandishly high. I think you should contacty him and tell him to refund at least $1,000 of the fee you paid him. You and I must be ever vigilant to swindlers and cheats -- after all, such a large sum of money brings out the worst in some folks.

Your faithful servant,

P. Emmanuel Weaver, Esq.

Jazzbow
10-31-2002, 10:58 PM
Pierpont sends a tactful email to the Barrister...

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Dear Barrister Ishola Williams,

I would think that, with the four thousand dollars you are over-charging the poor Widow Chukwu, you could hire an assistant that can operate a FAXamaphone. Simply press the send button before the beep occurs. If that still eludes you then send the forms as an email attachment.

Yours,

Pierpont Emmanuel Weaver, Esq.

Jazzbow
10-31-2002, 10:58 PM
A rather oddly disconnected response from the Widow Chukwu. She does mention the "spy" picture again, but has ignored all of Pierpont's other nonsense. The lawyer won't be around until Monday? Maybe he is vacationing at the spas?

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Dear Pierpont Emanuel Weaver,

How are you and your family? I hope all is well with you. The attorney told me that he called you and dropped a message in your answering machine. According to the lawyer he said that all is well with the procedures and that he might be through with the preparation of the vital document by Monday next week. I shall keep you posted on the progress. I also advise you to always call the lawyer on his mobile phone number( 234-803-3436341) to enable him acquint you with day to day activities.

I sincerely remain your partner in progress whilst I enjoin you to cooperate with the lawyer for speedy conclusion of this transaction. Also the assumed picture of the spy could not be recognized as one of them,therefore ignore that and let us proceed accordingly.

Best regards.

Helen Chukwu.

Jazzbow
10-31-2002, 10:59 PM
Pierpont, paranoid about Nubian spies as always, replies...

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Dear Mrs. Helen Chukwu,

Hello, so good to hear from you. How are you and your family? I trust they are in fine spirits and health. I can tell by the tone of your reply that I was too bold in my previous email to you. Please accept my apologies for for my inappropriate familiarities and pelvic thrusting. Henceforth I shall behave myself in a more dignified manner.

Your lawyer had contacted me via voice mail already. He seemed to be saying that he had tried to send me something via FAX, but had trouble operating his FAX and getting through to me. Are you sure you hired the most competent and descreet lawyer possible? I am surprised nobody in his office could operate a FAXamaphone proficiently enough to get a FAX sent. At any rate, I shall await his next transmission Monday.

Yes, I'm am sure that odd fellow wasn't a spy. I have not seen him since. I have purchased the night-vision goggles I mentioned I was interested in. I've conducted nighttime anti-spy patrols in my backyard and have seen nothing suspicious (however, that little high-school strumpet should keep her drapes drawn). I think our transaction is safetly confidential so far.

I look forward to hearing from you again. In particular I am awaiting the day when you trust me enough to attach your photograph.

Yours,

Pierpont

Jazzbow
10-31-2002, 11:00 PM
Well, this fish may have slipped the hook. i'll do another cast and see if I get a nibble.

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Dear Helen Chukwu,

If my time zone calculations are correct, Monday's workday in N I G E R I A has come and gone. I received no phone call or FAX frpm Barrister Ishola Williams. Is there a problem on your end?

I do hope everything is going well with you and that you have not fallen victim to the nefarious N I G E R I A N Secret Service. If you have, smuggle a message out to me and I'll get Amnesty International looking into your case!

Yours Faithful Servant,

Pierpon E. Weaver, ESQ.

Jazzbow
10-31-2002, 11:00 PM
Just when I thought this had died another letter from the widow. Anyhoo... these two boobs seem to be having troubles getting out of the starting blocks.

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Dear partner,

My lawyer prepared an agreement just the way i instructed but he advised that it is meaningless so long as your current address does not featured. hence, i rejected it and please send to me your current address to enable him prepare another agreement that will be binding. Expecting it very soon or better still copy the attorney.

Thanks and God blesses you for your cooperation.

Mrs Helen Chukwu.

Jazzbow
10-31-2002, 11:01 PM
Pierpont, as usual, rambles to her about spies...

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Dear Mrs. Chukwo,

I am so glad to hear from you. I was very concerned when several days had passed and I had received no messages from you. I was concerned that the N I G E R I A N spies you feared had located you.

Is there a problem on your end? I've sent you my address, etc., previously. Here are the particulars again in case you have lost them. I will also forward them to your lawyer.

My full name is Pierpont Emanuel Weaver.
My phone is: 206-600-5600. My Fax is the same number, simply press send before the beep to transmit a FAX.
My address is: 1313 Highbrow Court, Tampa, Fl 33610

Yours in Peace and Fertility,
Pierpont Emanuel Weaver, ESQ.

Jazzbow
10-31-2002, 11:02 PM
Pierpont insults the lawyer again...

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Dear Barrister Ishola Williams,

The Widow Chukwo indicated you screwed up and lost my address, etc. Here are the the particulars again..

My full name is Pierpont Emanuel Weaver.
My phone is: 206-600-5600. My Fax is the same number, simply press send before the beep to transmit a FAX.
My address is: 1313 Highbrow Court, Tampa, Fl 33610

Yours in Peace and Fertility,
Pierpont Emanuel Weaver, ESQ.

Sabre Ally
10-31-2002, 11:11 PM
:lol: That lawyer is a complete idiot

Jazzbow
10-31-2002, 11:18 PM
Shhh!!! It's part of the plot! ;)

fishnbadger
11-01-2002, 12:16 AM
which one ends up with the 1500?

Jazzbow
11-03-2002, 01:50 AM
Whoo-Hooo!!! Weaver has a signed contract with the Widow Chukwu. Nothing can possibly go wrong now!

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Dear Barrister Ishola Williams,

I have received the contract you FAXed to me and reviewed it carefully. In particular I am relieved that you assure there is nothing illegal about this transaction - I would hate to involve the long suffering Widow Chukwu in any thing that even hinted of dishonesty or scandal. Well, unless a chipmunk and a can of Kool Whip were involved of course.

I have signed and had the contract notarized. I have sworn Mister Dahmer to secrecy over the affair, so you need not fear *****ian spies catching on.

My home FAXamaphone could not connect to your number, so I have scanned it and included it as an attachment to this email. I hope that is satisfactory handling of such an important legal document.

Yours in Peace and Fertility,
Pierpont Emanuel Weaver, ESQ.

The Contract (http://www.jazzopolis.com/pix/understand_signed.jpg)

Jazzbow
11-03-2002, 01:51 AM
Time to dash off a note to the Widow Chukwu telling her the good news. Pierpont includes a picture of himself as an enticement to her to send her photograph.

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Dear Mrs. Chukwo,

How are you today my little buttercup? I hope all is well with you and your family. I am doing just fine, although I am getting tired from my night-time antispy patrols. However, that is not the reason I write you now, I have some exciting news!

I am pleased to report that your bungling lawyer, after two weeks of fumbling about, finally managed to generate a one page contract. Are you sure there aren't more competent pretend lawyers in your country? At any rate, I have carefully studied it and, using my vast legal knowledge gained from watching Judge Judy, I have concluded that all is in order with it. I signed, notarized and returned it to him.

By the way, even though you tease me by noy sending me a picture of yourself as you promised, I have decided to celebrate our contractual union by sending along a picture of myself. I had it taken in the office this afternoon with a digital camera and it is attached.

Yours in Peace and Fertility,
Pierpont Emanuel Weaver, ESQ.

http://www.finheaven.com/clear.gif

Sabre Ally
11-03-2002, 01:56 AM
A chipmunk and a can of Kool Whip? Geez, and I thought the Phin fans were bad. :eek:

Jazzbow
11-04-2002, 06:29 PM
^BUMP

Sabre Ally
11-04-2002, 11:20 PM
That's it? Just BUMP? I was expecting the next installment. :lol: