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DolphinDevil28
07-27-2005, 02:02 AM
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has
to be saved for posterity."

With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's
scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home The first
person he showed it to was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and
opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

Jt0323
07-27-2005, 02:07 AM
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has
to be saved for posterity."

With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's
scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home The first
person he showed it to was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and
opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"
:lol:

Slappy8800
07-27-2005, 02:09 AM
hahahahahahahaha

1crazy_finfan
07-27-2005, 01:10 PM
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has
to be saved for posterity."

With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's
scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home The first
person he showed it to was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and
opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"


HAHAHAHA..busted!!! LOL:rofl3: :lol: :rofl3: :lol:

dolfan4good
07-27-2005, 01:19 PM
:lol: Awesome.... hope you don't mind if I pass this along to some of my friends!

DolphinDevil28
07-27-2005, 09:20 PM
:lol: Awesome.... hope you don't mind if I pass this along to some of my friends!

Go ahead.

Hell, I got it from an email.

mor911
07-27-2005, 11:56 PM
That's awesome! This is gonna be office-talk for at least a week!

RWhitney014
07-27-2005, 11:58 PM
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

Oh, I'm so not funny!

Predaphin
07-30-2005, 08:08 PM
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has
to be saved for posterity."

With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's
scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home The first
person he showed it to was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and
opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

Damn! RLMAO! that was a good one!

FlyingFish84
07-31-2005, 12:36 AM
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has
to be saved for posterity."

With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's
scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home The first
person he showed it to was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and
opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

:lol:

tracer
07-31-2005, 12:51 AM
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After

almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and
they decide to stop for a rest.

They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to
sleep
for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill
for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He
tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't
worth $350.

When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on


speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the
hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were
available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them," the man complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have,"explains the Manager. He
goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which

the hotel is famous.

"The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform
here,"the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have,"the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But
we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
pay.

He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised
when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made
out for $50".

"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my
wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here, and you could have."

Rudi
07-31-2005, 01:34 AM
ROFL, thats great

tracer
07-31-2005, 01:00 PM
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender says "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?".

"Yeah, my wife..."

arizphinfan
07-31-2005, 09:50 PM
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has
to be saved for posterity."

With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's
scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home The first
person he showed it to was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and
opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"


hahaha :lol:

spydertl79
08-01-2005, 04:24 PM
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender says "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?".

"Yeah, my wife..."
Nice one:lol:

tracer
08-02-2005, 09:31 AM
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.

The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children's jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.

"The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

Pagan
08-02-2005, 09:48 AM
An old man lived alone in Mexico. He wanted to spade his chili garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Francisco, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

"Oye Francisco, I feeling pretty bat cuz I do not think I will be able to plant my chili gardenz this year. I just getting too viejo to dig a garden, but if you waz here, all mi problemas wood be over. I know you wood dig the plot for me.

Siempre, tu poppy"

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

"Dear Poppy,

Por favor, no, don't dig up the garden, that's where I buried the BODIES!

Love, Francisco"

At 4 a.m. the next morning, local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Poppy,

Go ahead and plant the chilis now. Its the best I could do.

Love, Francisco"

1crazy_finfan
08-02-2005, 01:52 PM
An old man lived alone in Mexico. He wanted to spade his chili garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Francisco, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

"Oye Francisco, I feeling pretty bat cuz I do not think I will be able to plant my chili gardenz this year. I just getting too viejo to dig a garden, but if you waz here, all mi problemas wood be over. I know you wood dig the plot for me.

Siempre, tu poppy"

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

"Dear Poppy,

Por favor, no, don't dig up the garden, that's where I buried the BODIES!

Love, Francisco"

At 4 a.m. the next morning, local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Poppy,

Go ahead and plant the chilis now. Its the best I could do.

Love, Francisco"


LOL..thats the easy way to do it! LOL..:rofl3:

Tekanakou
08-02-2005, 02:06 PM
LOL :rofl3: LOL LOL:lol: :lol: :lol: :vault: :lolcry: :roflmao: :spit:

Tekanakou
08-02-2005, 02:10 PM
im dieing here lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

Jt0323
08-02-2005, 02:32 PM
im dieing here lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

stop spaming

Gun Grave905
08-02-2005, 05:17 PM
DolphinDevil28 can i be a fan of the piranhas

DolphinDevil28
08-02-2005, 05:33 PM
DolphinDevil28 can i be a fan of the piranhas

Yeah, sure.

Anyone can.

Gun Grave905
08-02-2005, 05:39 PM
Yeah, sure.

Anyone can.

do u hve any cool pics or no?