03-21-2006, 10:00 PM
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03-21-2006, 10:04 PM
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"
[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Zack is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, kevin. So everyone, please put your hands together for Zack!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now Zack you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well stephine, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Zack, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... willis!
You: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere you pull out a sword. willis reaches for the chair. Out of the shadows holly appears]
holly: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here willis.
willis: Because I saw Zack and holly making out at jean's!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
holly: That's a lie! I was home watching scrubs!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem willis?
willis: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with kevin who has recently become engaged to holly.
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring kevin out here because Zack had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... stephine that's right!
kevin: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with stephine! You know how I feel about stephine!
holly: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with stephine!
kevin: Because I knew that I could never have stephine. But Zack promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
holly: What about respect for my feelings!
[willis walks suddenly across the stage, embracing kevin]
willis: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
holly: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[holly runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
holly: Zack take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
holly: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to stephine.
kevin: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
stephine: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 13 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Zack is married to stephine who kevin has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now kevin has recently become engaged to holly who was recently spotted kissing Zack in jean's. Now on top of this, willis has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with kevin.
stephine: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
:sidelol: :sidelol: :sidelol:
03-21-2006, 10:27 PM
:sidelol: OMG dude, it's great!
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