ckparrothead
01-22-2009, 03:05 PM
Let me offer you some background. I have a friend, Remy. He is a patio furniture salesman. He's in town for the local Tampa Bay Patio/Spa Mega Blowout Convention (TBPSMBC). Remy and I were having an interesting conversation about Gummy Bears (the cartoon) when he casually mentioned that he bumped into THE Juan Huron, at the TBPSMBC.
I nearly lost it.
"Juan Huron? In town? At the TBPSMBC? You're kidding me!"
"Do you want to meet him?" asked Remy.
"Is a pig's pu--y pork?" I replied.
After much haranguing over Remy's finder's fee (goodbye Megadeth Clash of the Titans '91 summer tour concert tee), I find myself sitting on a custom crafted wicker patio chair, staring over a seashell-in-foam table at this 5'5" and 145 pound golden god among men.
Me: "I can't believe you took the time to meet me. I'm such a big fan."
Juan Huron: "Neither do I"
(awkward pause, my hands shaking as I try and gather my notes)
Juan Huron: "What is that smell?"
Me: "You smell something?"
Juan Huron: "Fear"
Me: "Heh. So, Juan. It's been years since Dolphins faithful first hea--"
Juan Huron: "Are you going to buy something?"
Me: "No- wait, do you need me to?"
Juan Huron: "Yes"
Me: "I suppose I could take a look at that rustic-looking Corinthian outdoor fireplace piece."
Juan Huron: "Cash or credit?"
Me: "Credit, I guess."
Juan Huron: "I go get the paper work."
Me: "Ok, no problem. I'll just wait he- you're back!"
Juan Huron: "Card and ID please"
Me: "Here you go. While you run that, I was wondering if I might ask you what you've been up to nowadays? I mean, aside from selling this fantastic patio furniture."
Juan Huron: "I sell patio furniture. Is a good job."
Me: "You don't play football anymore? But you had such a promising career!"
Juan Huron: "I played two years in the Mexican church league, the Oaxaca Maracas. I am very good. I have three...seven catches for 37...52 yards."
Me: "That's excellent production. You don't play for them anymore?"
Juan Huron: "No. I am so fast. They don't catch me. They can't believe how fast I am. When I play, they see that I am fast. It was political."
Me: "Did you ever get to try out for the Dolphins?"
Juan Huron: "No. My agent say that I am so fast and my hands are good, I only drop three balls for the Maracas. My hands are good. Some kind of mix up with the phone, the phone card."
Me: "I'm sorry to hear that, Juan. Did you try any other NFL teams?"
Juan Huron: "Sign here"
Me: "You bet. You know, the Dolphins just signed a guy from the Canadian Football League..."
Juan Huron: "Really?"
Me: "Yes. He dominated that league much like you dominated yours. They might be a little more open-minded, now."
Juan Huron: "Who they have?"
Me: "Well, they have Ted Ginn-"
Juan Huron: "He slow"
Me: "They also have this kid out of Hawaii, Davone Bess."
Juan Huron: "Have good hands?"
Me: "Yes"
Juan Huron: "My are better"
Me: "Well, then maybe you should give them a call. Who knows?"
Juan Huron: "Have to go"
Me: "I understand. I wish we could have had more ti- you're back!"
Juan Huron: "Forgot receipt"
Me: "Thanks, Juan"
And just like that, as quickly as he blew into my life, this golden dynamo had blown away, like a really, really fast wind over the plains of Oaxaca. I know his fateful journey will continue, and that he will carry the wishes of all Dol-Fans in his heart. As I load my Corinthian hearth into the back of my Honda Accord, I wonder when I will hear "Mad Dog" Mandich say those inevitable words: "Pennington to Huron...Juan Huron is off to the races! Touchdown Mi-ami!!!"
I nearly lost it.
"Juan Huron? In town? At the TBPSMBC? You're kidding me!"
"Do you want to meet him?" asked Remy.
"Is a pig's pu--y pork?" I replied.
After much haranguing over Remy's finder's fee (goodbye Megadeth Clash of the Titans '91 summer tour concert tee), I find myself sitting on a custom crafted wicker patio chair, staring over a seashell-in-foam table at this 5'5" and 145 pound golden god among men.
Me: "I can't believe you took the time to meet me. I'm such a big fan."
Juan Huron: "Neither do I"
(awkward pause, my hands shaking as I try and gather my notes)
Juan Huron: "What is that smell?"
Me: "You smell something?"
Juan Huron: "Fear"
Me: "Heh. So, Juan. It's been years since Dolphins faithful first hea--"
Juan Huron: "Are you going to buy something?"
Me: "No- wait, do you need me to?"
Juan Huron: "Yes"
Me: "I suppose I could take a look at that rustic-looking Corinthian outdoor fireplace piece."
Juan Huron: "Cash or credit?"
Me: "Credit, I guess."
Juan Huron: "I go get the paper work."
Me: "Ok, no problem. I'll just wait he- you're back!"
Juan Huron: "Card and ID please"
Me: "Here you go. While you run that, I was wondering if I might ask you what you've been up to nowadays? I mean, aside from selling this fantastic patio furniture."
Juan Huron: "I sell patio furniture. Is a good job."
Me: "You don't play football anymore? But you had such a promising career!"
Juan Huron: "I played two years in the Mexican church league, the Oaxaca Maracas. I am very good. I have three...seven catches for 37...52 yards."
Me: "That's excellent production. You don't play for them anymore?"
Juan Huron: "No. I am so fast. They don't catch me. They can't believe how fast I am. When I play, they see that I am fast. It was political."
Me: "Did you ever get to try out for the Dolphins?"
Juan Huron: "No. My agent say that I am so fast and my hands are good, I only drop three balls for the Maracas. My hands are good. Some kind of mix up with the phone, the phone card."
Me: "I'm sorry to hear that, Juan. Did you try any other NFL teams?"
Juan Huron: "Sign here"
Me: "You bet. You know, the Dolphins just signed a guy from the Canadian Football League..."
Juan Huron: "Really?"
Me: "Yes. He dominated that league much like you dominated yours. They might be a little more open-minded, now."
Juan Huron: "Who they have?"
Me: "Well, they have Ted Ginn-"
Juan Huron: "He slow"
Me: "They also have this kid out of Hawaii, Davone Bess."
Juan Huron: "Have good hands?"
Me: "Yes"
Juan Huron: "My are better"
Me: "Well, then maybe you should give them a call. Who knows?"
Juan Huron: "Have to go"
Me: "I understand. I wish we could have had more ti- you're back!"
Juan Huron: "Forgot receipt"
Me: "Thanks, Juan"
And just like that, as quickly as he blew into my life, this golden dynamo had blown away, like a really, really fast wind over the plains of Oaxaca. I know his fateful journey will continue, and that he will carry the wishes of all Dol-Fans in his heart. As I load my Corinthian hearth into the back of my Honda Accord, I wonder when I will hear "Mad Dog" Mandich say those inevitable words: "Pennington to Huron...Juan Huron is off to the races! Touchdown Mi-ami!!!"