Political Joke Thread

[Dolphan7]

Osama and Bush Have a Dog Fight

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.

Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing,", said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!!!

[Dolphan7]

The Great Saddam and Bush Debate

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam Hussein's challenge to a televised debate, Tim Dowling exclusively reveals what could have happened had they met
Tuesday February 25, 2003

Tony Blair, moderator: Welcome to the first televised debate between George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein, live from United Nations headquarters in New York. We will begin with a brief opening statement from each of you.

, Bush: First of all I would just like to welcome my evil friend to the UN, one of the great American institutions for the propulsion of freedom throughout the world.

Saddam: Thank you, Great Satan. I hope that in today's debate we may find some common ground between the Iraqi people's commitment to peace and human progress and America's desire to destroy the Middle East.

Bush: Do I answer that?

Blair: No. The first question is quite simply this: do you have any links with al-Qaida?

Bush: I do not.

Blair: The question is for Saddam.

Saddam: As I told Mr. Tony Benn clearly and simply, if I had links with al-Qaida and I enjoyed those links then I would not be ashamed to tell the world, but since I am ashamed to tell the world of this, it follows that I have no such links.

Bush: Neither do I.

Blair: The second question is for President Bush. President Bush, if America and Iraq were to go to war tomorrow, who would win?

Bush: That's easy. America, right?

Saddam: Even I knew that one.

Bush: That's because the great United American States of America are on the side of rightliness and Americanity, against an evil Axis of Evil made up of Iraq, North Korea and... how many are in an axis? Three?

Blair: I think you're allowed as many as you like.

Bush: OK, Iraq, North Korea and France.!

Saddam: I will tell you frankly and directly that Iraq is not part of any Axis of Evil.

Bush: Who am I thinking of then? Irania?

Blair: Let's move on. Saddam, are you willing to destroy your stockpile of Samoud 2 missiles in accordance with UN weapons inspectors' orders?

Saddam: I explain to you now that if Iraq possessed these so-called weapons, we would never destroy them, but since we do not have any such weapons, we are happy to comply, even though these non-existent weapons certainly do not exceed the proscribed range of 150 kms. I've tested them myself, and we don't have any.

Blair: The final question is for George Bush. Mr President, is there any way that Saddam Hussein can avoid war, and what steps must he now take in order to reach a negotiated solution?

Bush: Listen to me. It's very simple. First Saddam must compile 200% with the UN inspectorers, and I mean activated compilation, not passivist compilation. Second, he must disarm fully, in keeping with UN revelation 1441 and the next one coming, 1441B, which will require him to disarm even more fully than that. Then he must destroy all Samoud missiles and any other weapons of mass destruction he is found, or not found, to be possessive of, without being asked. Finally, there is one more task he must perform, which I am not at liberty to revulge. And even that will not be enough.

Blair: The translator would like to take your answer home with him and work on it over the weekend.

Bush: Fine, but we require nothing less than total disarmature.

Saddam: OK.

Blair: Sorry, but I'm not sure that "disarmature" is a word. I defer to the UN Keeper of the Dictionary, Mr Richard Stilgoe.

Stilgoe: Yes, you can have disarmature. It means, "the action of disarming" according to the OED.

Bush: Exactly. He must cut his own arms off.

Saddam: If it means peace, I will do it.

Bush: Too late.

Stilgoe: Did you know that Saddam Hussein is an anagram of 'Demands a Sushi'?

Saddam: Yes, I've heard them all.

Bush: I don't eat sushi. Is there a fish option?

Blair: I'd like to remind everyone at home that the Monica Lewinsky-Tonya Harding fight follows after the break.

[Blitz]

----

"Al Gore is back in the news. You haven't thought about Al Gore in a while. Don't feel guilty about it. Al Gore has put on 40 pounds since losing the election and experts contribute this to depression. That's right. In a related story, Michael Dukakis now weighs 12,000 pounds." —Conan O'Brien

----

"Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this — if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble." —David Letterman

"On the campaign trail, the president continued what has been a theme throughout the year: John Kerry is a flip-flopper. Oh, and also consistently liberal." —Jon Stewart

[Wildbill3]

Post them if you got em'

[ohall]

Originally Posted by Section126

I got a Joke:


What is stupid, uninformed, a general panty waist, and an overall worthless piece of excrement?




A Democrat.

Leave it to S-126!

:roflmao:

[Section126]

I got another one:

What do you call 1 million Democrats at the bottom of the ocean?




Not enough.

[finataxia24]

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.



I like people from Florida. Everything is in the 80's & 90's. The temperatures, and the IQ's.

[Dolphan7]

Originally Posted by finataxia24

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.

So were living longer but getting dumber?

[finataxia24]

[CharlestonPhan]

"I got a Joke:


What is stupid, uninformed, a general panty waist, and an overall worthless piece of excrement?




A Democrat."



LOL... ouch

[CharlestonPhan]

""Al Gore is back in the news. You haven't thought about Al Gore in a while. Don't feel guilty about it. Al Gore has put on 40 pounds since losing the election and experts contribute this to depression. That's right. In a related story, Michael Dukakis now weighs 12,000 pounds." —Conan O'Brien"

ROFLMAO

[Pagan]

Remember....it's a joke.

10 reasons why beer is better than organized religion.

10. No one tells you that you'll be punished for all eternity for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you to abstain from sex. In reality, it helps promote it!
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. There are many kinds of Beer. No one will tell you that Bud is the ONLY Beer.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove Beer exists!

And finally!

1. If you are crazy enough to devote your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop!

:roflmao:

[ohall]

Originally Posted by Pagan

Remember....it's a joke.

10 reasons why beer is better than organized religion.

10. No one tells you that you'll be punished for all eternity for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you to abstain from sex. In reality, it helps promote it!
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. There are many kinds of Beer. No one will tell you that Bud is the ONLY Beer.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove Beer exists!

And finally!

1. If you are crazy enough to devote your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop!

:roflmao:

Good ones.

[finataxia24]

Games: Presidential Knockout -- Kerry Vs. Bush

http://www.globalspot.com/games/pres...knockout.shtml

[TerryTate]