On the lighter side - Player sketch cards

[ckparrothead]

I meant to bring this up sooner but I only just found out about it like a day or two before I was leaving for Japan on my honeymoon, and I only just got back from that a few days ago.

So I guess Panini (which I'm told is the official trading card distributor for the NFL) did something a little different with their rookies this year. Instead of having the rookies sign their rookie cards (which I'm sure they did anyway) they handed them blank white cards and a bunch of markers and told them to sketch out their own cards. These one of a kind sketch cards would be randomly distributed to a lucky buyer of card packs.

As you can imagine, hilarity ensued.

I found out about this from a friend of mine, who happens to be the proud owner of the Michael Egnew card via Ebay. He brought it out when my new wife and I were over at his house watching the Dolphins demolish the hapless Jets, just a day after the wedding.


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I couldn't stop laughing at this thing for a solid 15 minutes. Egnew most notable on Hard Knocks for his blank, dumbfounded stares, his hopelessly unoriginal iPad password (8484), his having his **** torn into by Mike Sherman, being the inspiration for what I feel is the most memorable quote of the entire series (Dan Campbell: "Freaking Egnew")...now transitioning as a rookie and frustrating fans and coaches alike by being completely unable to get on the field...drew the most retarded, turd-looking Dolphin-like creature I have ever seen. And he colored it in solid green.

It's too perfect.

Here's an SBNation article where a writer actually analyzes the top 10 sketch cards that were emailed to him by readers. Egnew's is in there. But the even more funny one could be Lamar Miller's.


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I'll spoil it.


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What can you say about this? Does ANYONE want to know what is going on in Lamar Miller's brain at any given moment of the day, after seeing this card? Different colored stick figures (some happy, some not) playing around...in a river...with clouds in the sky...a random "Yay"...a hovering object that could be a loaf of bread or a football...oh, and a dead guy.

Beautiful.

You should read the article though. The analysis of RGIII's card is awesome...and Brock Osweiler's drawing is just absurdly funny (especially if you remember his Quarterback special with Jon Gruden from prior to the Draft).

[SkapePhin]

Looks like Lamar Miller's dead guy has a massive penis... almost the size of his entire leg.

[Canadi-Phin]

I'm praying that is a person laying on the beach and they are playing in the water. hahahahahahaha. I really cant stop laughing.

[ckparrothead]

Quarterbacks really starting to stand out, here.

Note Ryan Tannehill's much more deliberately-drawn, artistic and sleek Dolphin (who definitely doesn't suffer with the same Dolphin version of Down Syndrome that Egnew's does). Tannehill's color choice was curious, particularly the demon red eye. However, note his smooth, multi-lingual savvy, on the back of his card. Also note how much he loves signing his own name, so much that he did it on both sides...


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Note Brandon Weeden's impressively fair likeness of the Browns' logo...


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...and Andrew Luck's 3-D sketch modeling of Lucas Oil Stadium...


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...and then there's Brock Osweiler's subtle strokes and use of...is that a smiley face watermark?


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...Russell Wilson's stark tones and bludgeoning detail...


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...and Robert Griffin's pearls of wisdom (and treepubes)...


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[ckparrothead]

Looks like Lamar Miller's dead guy has a massive penis... almost the size of his entire leg.

Even more reason I really don't want to know what's going on behind his eyes.

[Harry_Bagpipe]

RG3s looks like a nuclear explosion

[ckparrothead]

RG3s looks like a nuclear explosion

With pubes.

[SkapePhin]

RG3s looks like a nuclear explosion

Maybe it has a dual meaning? The dude does seem a bit philosophical. Perhaps he is saying that if one latches on to dogma, it can only lead to global destruction...

[ckparrothead]

Maybe it has a dual meaning? The dude does seem a bit philosophical. Perhaps he is saying that if one latches on to dogma, it can only lead to global destruction...

And pubes.

[SkapePhin]

And pubes.

A mushroom cloud of HATE. PUBESCENT HATE!