When it starts out, you go to these great places at night. And you become part of your own secret group. But after awhile it stops being like that because you're like, 'I gave this up for my real life and for my soul.' And it becomes something you need just to stay well. If you don't have it, you're sick, and you long for the life you had before. You stop going out... stop wearing flashy clothes... and you stop caring."