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Thread: The new joke thread

  1. -1
    Perfect23's Avatar
    I wish people understood this

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    The new joke thread

    since the old one for some reason disapered and is no where to be seen I thought I try to start a new one please try to keep the jokes has clean has you can and would like for this thread to last awhile because you guys will keep posting in it so hopefully this thread dosen't get me in trouble or anything but I will start with the first joke.

    A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady,
    was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put
    on his gloves.

    "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

    "No, I don't" she replied.

    "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex.
    Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them
    dry,
    then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

    She didn't crack a smile. "Oh well, I tried," he thought.

    But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure,
    she burst out laughing.

    "What's so funny?" he asked.

    "I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.
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  2. -2
    retired opfinistic's Avatar
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    Bills Fans


    In a school just outside of Buffalo, a first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a Bills fan. She asked her students to raise their hands if they are Bills fans too. Not all really knew what a Bills fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands all went up into the air.
    However, there was one exception. A little boy named Opie had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asked him why he decided to be different.

    "Because I am not a Bills fan," said Opie.

    The teacher then asked, "What are you?"

    Opie. said, "I'm a Dolphins fan."

    The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red, she asked Opie why he is a Dolphins fan.

    "Well, my mom and dad are Dolphins fans so I'm a Dolphins fan too."

    The teacher was now angry. "That's no reason," she said loudly. "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot?"

    Opie smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Bills fan."
    Retired Opfinistic
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    Dolfan fan since 1970
    Retired on 7/1/08
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  3. -3
    retired opfinistic's Avatar
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    TRUE FOOTBALL FAN

    Last season, I was at the Minnesota/Miami game. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, "No".
    I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife used to love to come to these games until she died."

    "Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked.

    He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral."
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  4. -4
    retired opfinistic's Avatar
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    Signs You're Watching Too Much Football

    10. Before sex, you flip a coin to see who will receive
    9. You've been banned from the A&P for spiking melons
    8. To feel closer to some of your favorite players,you tear the
    cartilage in your knee
    7. The kids bring home a good report card and you dump Gatorade on'em
    6. Most humans: 75% water, you: 75% chip dip
    5. During sex, you use a play clock
    4. You pay $22 million to have Deion Sanders shovel off your driveway
    3. For the last two months, you've been wearing nothing but a cup
    2. You fell in love with your wife because she looks like John Madden
    1. After sex, you go for the 2-point conversion
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  5. -5
    Stitches's Avatar
    I love Mindwarp

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    Quote Originally Posted by opfinistic View Post
    Signs You're Watching Too Much Football

    10. Before sex, you flip a coin to see who will receive
    9. You've been banned from the A&P for spiking melons
    8. To feel closer to some of your favorite players,you tear the
    cartilage in your knee
    7. The kids bring home a good report card and you dump Gatorade on'em
    6. Most humans: 75% water, you: 75% chip dip
    5. During sex, you use a play clock
    4. You pay $22 million to have Deion Sanders shovel off your driveway
    3. For the last two months, you've been wearing nothing but a cup
    2. You fell in love with your wife because she looks like John Madden
    1. After sex, you go for the 2-point conversion
    __________________
    What exactly does the 2 point conversion entail?
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  6. -6
    Perfect23's Avatar
    I wish people understood this

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    Three gay men died, and were cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

    The first man said, ''My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane to scatter his ashes in the sky.''
    The second man said, ''My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.'' The third man said, ''My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my *** up just one more time.''
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  7. -7
    Dolfan984's Avatar
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    Only reason I can think of (didn't check the thread) for why the threads missing is that once they get above 10k posts they have an error with the database.....kinda like how Brit has to make a new thread once in a while in the LL. Just a guess.


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  8. -8
    fishfanfromjerz's Avatar
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    what do a fat girl and a moped have in common?











    theyre both fun to ride until someone catches you!
    <<---------- my future wife....jessica harp!!...so hot!
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  9. -9
    Colorado Dolfan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by opfinistic View Post
    Signs You're Watching Too Much Football

    10. Before sex, you flip a coin to see who will receive
    Something you need to tell us, Opie?
    IoR Member 164
    Imprimatur Domi
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  10. -10
    retired opfinistic's Avatar
    幸灾乐祸

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    Quote Originally Posted by Colorado Dolfan View Post
    Something you need to tell us, Opie?
    :eek:

    Didn't see that one coming.
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