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Thread: Top 8 Morons of 2001

  1. -1
    dolphan39's Avatar
    Maria & LauRen Aha!

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    Top 8 Morons of 2001

    1. AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
    intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
    Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

    2. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
    gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing 10 tear
    gas
    canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in
    the
    police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."

    3. An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
    forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein
    the
    kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

    4. A man walked into a Topeka, Kan., Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
    money
    in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
    store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
    showed up and grabbed him.

    5. Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
    couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man
    in
    the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
    the
    man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

    6. A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
    contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
    doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

    7. In Modesto, Calif., Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
    up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
    finger
    to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
    pocket.

    8. Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour
    east of Bakersfield, Calif., some folks, new to boating, we re having a
    problem. No matter how hard they tried; they couldn't get their brand new
    22-foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no
    matter
    how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go,
    they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them
    what
    was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
    condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the
    prop
    was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
    water to check underneath. He came up choking on water; he was laughing so
    hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
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  2. -2
    miadphan13's Avatar
    FinHeaven Cheerleader

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    Good ones! I saw on TV awhile back on something like America's stupidest crimes a guy had wrote a note to a bank teller asking for all her money. After the man left, the teller realized he had written the note on the back of one of his deposit slips, so police went to his house and picked him up.
    ***Unleash the Killer DOLPHINS***
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  3. -3
    Scrap's Avatar
    Hall Of Famer

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    Superman logoFord LogoCam Wake 91
    :lol Those were great. Thanks.
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  4. -4
    Waterlogged

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  5. -5
    dolfan06's Avatar
    FinHeaven Elite

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    i second the motion, thanks!

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  6. -6
    dolfan06's Avatar
    FinHeaven Elite

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    i think you easily could have added a 9th

    chan gailey, because he kept running lamar up the middle, even when he knew the blocking sucked and would do the same if we were ahead or down by 20!
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  7. -7
    Jaydog57's Avatar
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    This kinda falls under that category

    39 those were excellent! Here's one about a couple of morons that get well deserved payback:evil:

    Below is a true story about a recent wedding that took
    place at Clemson University.

    This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the
    wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the
    microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to
    thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to
    support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank
    the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his
    new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.

    To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and
    everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift
    from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair
    was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He
    said that was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open
    the envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10
    picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He
    had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private
    detective trail them weeks prior to the wedding.)

    After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for
    a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said
    "F--- you", he turned to the bride and said "F--- you", and
    then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said
    "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing
    that Monday morning.

    While most of us would have broken off the engagement
    immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes
    through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His
    revenge:

    1) Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
    300 guest wedding and reception.

    2) Letting everyone know exactly what did happen.

    3) And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's
    reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire
    families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents,
    nieces and nephews, etc.








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  8. -8
    dolphan39's Avatar
    Maria & LauRen Aha!

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    f-ing a

    :eek:
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  9. -9
    Flyin11's Avatar
    Mark Clayton

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    Those were great dolphan39

    That was histarical Jaydog!!!

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  10. -10
    Jaydog57's Avatar
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    More dumbasses to make the list

    > The DARWIN AWARDS are given out each year to the
    > people who did the
    > human race a favor by eliminating their genetic
    > information from the pool.
    >
    > 5th runner-up:
    >
    > A San Anselmo, California man died when he hit a
    > lift tower at the Mammoth
    > Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a
    > foam pad. 22-year old
    > David Hubal was
    > pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The
    > accident occurred about 3
    > am, The Mono County Sheriff's Department said.
    > Hubal and his friends
    > apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley
    > and undid some yellow
    > foam protectors from lift towers said Lt. Mike
    > Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes
    > Police Department. The pads are used to protect
    > skiers who might hit
    > towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide
    > down the ski slope and
    > Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been
    > investigated and determined
    > the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
    >
    > 4th Runner-up:
    >
    > Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in
    > a St. Louis market.
    > When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo
    > grabbed a hot dog,
    > shoved it into his mouth, and walked out without
    > paying. Police found him
    > unconscious in front of the store * paramedics
    > removed the six-inch wiener
    > from his throat where it had choked him to death.
    >
    > 3rd Runner-up:
    >
    > To poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag
    > standing above him on an
    > overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it
    > fell on him.
    >
    > 2nd Runner-up:
    >
    > Man loses face at party. A man at a West Virginia
    > party popped a blasting
    > cap into his mouth and bit down,triggering an
    > explosion that blew off his
    > lips, teeth, and tongue.
    > Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap
    > as a prank late Tuesday
    > night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in
    > an aquarium hooked to a
    > battery and was trying to explode it", said Payne.
    > It wouldn't go off and
    > this guy said 'I'll show you how to set it off.'
    > "He put it into his mouth
    > and bit down. It blew all his teeth out and his
    > lips and tongue off."
    > Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded
    > condition Wednesday with
    > extensive facial injuries, according to a
    > spokesperson at Charleston Area
    > Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone
    > doing something like that."
    > Payne said.
    >
    > 1st Runner-up:
    >
    > Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an
    > Oregon man shot through the
    > skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and
    > will be released soon from
    > the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
    > last weekend during an
    > initiation into a man's rafting club, Mountain Men
    > Anonymous in Grants
    > Pass, Oregon.
    >
    > A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but
    > the arrow entered
    > Robert's right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone
    > 1/32ths of an inch to
    > the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut
    > and Roberts would have
    > died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw
    > at the University
    > Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8
    > to 10 inches of brain
    > with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull,
    > yet somehow managed to
    > miss all major blood vessels.
    >
    > Delashaw also said had Roberts tried to pull the
    > arrow out on his own he
    > surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
    > afterwards his friends
    > had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I
    > feel so dumb about this".
    > No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County
    > district attorney's
    > office said the initiation stunt is under
    > investigation.
    >
    >
    ******************************************************
    > Now for this year's winners:
    >
    > (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late)
    > Sal Hawkins, of the
    > great state of Washington, decided to attend a local
    > Metallica concert at
    > the Gorge, Washington amphitheater. Having no
    > tickets (but having had 18
    > beers between them), they thought it would be easy
    > to "hop" over the
    > nine-foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled
    > their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan
    > was for Mr. Pernicky (who
    > was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the
    > fence and then assist
    > his friend over.
    > Unfortunately for Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot
    > drop on the other side
    > of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found
    > himself crashing through
    > a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large
    > branch that snagged him by
    > his shorts and broke his arm.
    >
    > Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked
    > down and saw some bushes
    > below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break
    > his fall, he removed
    > his pocketknife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
    > to free himself from
    > the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into
    > Holly bushes. The sharp
    > leaves scratched his ENTIRE body, and now without
    > the protection of his
    > shorts, a Holly branch penetrated his rectal cavity.
    > To make matters worse,
    > on landing, his pocketknife penetrated his thigh
    > 3-inches.
    >
    > Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable
    > pain and agony, decided to
    > throw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the
    > rope to the pickup
    > truck and slowly driving away. However, in his
    > drunken haste/state, he put
    > the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence
    > landing on his friend
    > and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed
    > pick-up with its driver
    > thrown from the truck and dead at the scene from
    > massive internal injuries.
    >
    > Upon moving the truck, they found John under it
    > half-naked with scratches on
    > his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in
    > his thigh, and his shorts
    > dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
    >
    > Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
    >
    >
    :cool:
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