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Thread: Bart Simpson's chalkboard writings

  1. -1
    Jaydog57's Avatar
    Crank Yanker

    Join date:
    Sep 2001
    Inside your head
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    Bart Simpson's chalkboard writings

    Barts Chalk Board Writings
    If you've ever noticed, when Bart Simpson is writing something 100,000 times on the chalkboard as a punishment in the opening sequence of the Simpsons, he is always writing something different -- and often quite hilarious. These are the collected writings of Bart Simpson from the chalkboard exercises during the opening credits:

    I will not carve gods.

    I will not spank others.

    I will not aim for the head.

    I will not barf unless I'm sick.

    I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.

    I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.

    I will not conduct my own fire drills.

    Funny noises are not funny.

    I will not snap bras.

    I will not fake seizures.

    This punishment is not boring and pointless.

    My name is not Dr. Death.

    I will not defame New Orleans.

    I will not prescribe medication.

    I will not bury the new kid.

    I will not teach others to fly.

    I will not bring sheep to class.

    A burp is not an answer.

    Teacher is not a leper.

    Coffee is not for kids.

    I will not eat things for money.

    I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.

    The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.

    I will not call the principal "spud head".

    Goldfish don't bounce.

    Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.

    No one is interested in my underpants.

    I will not sell miracle cures.

    I will return the seeing-eye dog.

    I do not have diplomatic immunity.

    I will not charge admission to the bathroom.

    I will never win an emmy.

    The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.

    All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.

    I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.

    I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.

    My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.

    I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.

    I am not deliciously saucy.

    Organ transplants are best left to professionals.

    The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".

    I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.

    There are plenty of businesses like show business.

    I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.

    Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.

    I will not waste chalk.

    I will not skateboard in the halls.

    I will not instigate revolution.

    I will not draw naked ladies in class.

    I did not see Elvis.

    I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".

    Garlic gum is not funny.

    They are laughing at me, not with me.

    I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.

    I will not encourage others to fly.

    I will not fake my way through life.

    Tar is not a plaything.

    I will not Xerox my butt.

    It's potato, not potatoe.

    I will not trade pants with others.

    I am not a 32 year old woman.

    I will not do that thing with my tongue.

    I will not drive the principal's car.

    I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.

    I will not sell school property.

    I will not burp in class.

    I will not cut corners.

    I will not get very far with this attitude.

    I will not belch the National Anthem.

    I will not sell land in Florida.

    I will not grease the monkey bars.

    I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.

    I will not do anything bad ever again.

    I will not show off.

    I will not sleep through my education.

    I am not a dentist.

    Spitwads are not free speech.

    Nobody likes sunburn slappers.

    High explosives and school don't mix.

    I will not bribe Principal Skinner.

    I will not squeak chalk.

    I will finish what I sta

    "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.

    Underwear should be worn on the inside.

    The Christmas Pageant does not stink.

    I will not torment the emotionally frail.

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  2. -2

    Join date:
    Sep 2001
    On an island
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    And when they go to sit on the couch, it is always different as well (but that is more noticeable.)
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