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Thread: Jokes ... NOT for the easily (or moderately) offended.

  1. -1
    Bumpus's Avatar
    Are you gonna drink that?

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    Jokes ... NOT for the easily (or moderately) offended.

    Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?

    A: Beat it - we're closed.
    Last edited by Bumpus; 12-07-2010 at 11:44 PM. Reason: Title change.
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  2. -2
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    Are you gonna drink that?

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    Q: What's black & blue, and hates sex?

    A: ... That girl in my trunk.
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    Are you gonna drink that?

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    Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?

    A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, & moaning, "Lie to me!"
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  4. -4
    JT-forpresident's Avatar
    Believe In Miami

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    Q: how many "emo-s" does it take to change a light bulb ?

    A: none, they prefer crying in the dark


    SIG BET VICTIM
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  5. -5
    Bumpus's Avatar
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    Anyone heard this riddle? (it's NOT the obvious answer)
    ... Post the answer when you figure it out ...



    This tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long ...

    The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes ...

    Is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action ...

    It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other ...

    In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements ...

    Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements ...

    When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surface of the opening and some from it's long, glistening shaft ...

    After everything is done, and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to it's freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching it's bristling climax two or three times per day, but often much less ...

    What am I?
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  6. -6
    poornate's Avatar
    We may die, but our actions are immortal

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    Electric toothbrush?
    "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
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  7. -7
    Bumpus's Avatar
    Are you gonna drink that?

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    Damn, that was quick.
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  8. -8
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    Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

    A: 1 US leader.



    Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?

    A: She's withholding evidence.
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  9. -9
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    Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

    A: "Dam"
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  10. -10
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    Four friends are breezing through their Calculus class. They are doing so well that they decided studying for the final would be a waste of time. Instead, they chose to take a road trip to another friend's birthday party the weekend before exams. Unfortunately, they get too drunk at the party and oversleep. By the time they wake up hungover on Monday morning, the exam is already over.

    They go to see the professor and offer the explaination that they were at a friend's birthday party and suffered a flat tire at 5:30 am while on route to school for his exam. They had no spare, and were traveling on back roads. To make matters worse there was no cell coverage so they were stuck until someone happened by.

    The professor graciously accepted their excuse and offered to allow them to retake the exam the following morning, as clearly this was not their fault.

    When the four showed up to take the exam, they found that the professor had set out their tests in the corners of a rather large lecture hall, so that there would be absolutely no chance to cheat even if they had wanted to.

    They sit down and confidently begin to work. The first question (5 points out of 100) is relatively straightforward, and all 4 are able to complete it without difficulty.

    When the first of them finishes the problem, he turns the page of the exam booklet and reads ...

    Problem Two (95 points out of 100):
    Which tire went flat?
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