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Thread: Jokes ... NOT for the easily (or moderately) offended.

  1. -11
    Bumpus's Avatar
    Are you gonna drink that?

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    Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets home from the battered women's shelter?

    A: The dishes, if she's smart.
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  2. -12
    2008 AFC East Champions

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bumpus View Post
    Four friends are breezing through their Calculus class. They are doing so well that they decided studying for the final would be a waste of time. Instead, they chose to take a road trip to another friend's birthday party the weekend before exams. Unfortunately, they get too drunk at the party and oversleep. By the time they wake up hungover on Monday morning, the exam is already over.

    They go to see the professor and offer the explaination that they were at a friend's birthday party and suffered a flat tire at 5:30 am while on route to school for his exam. They had no spare, and were traveling on back roads. To make matters worse there was no cell coverage so they were stuck until someone happened by.

    The professor graciously accepted their excuse and offered to allow them to retake the exam the following morning, as clearly this was not their fault.

    When the four showed up to take the exam, they found that the professor had set out their tests in the corners of a rather large lecture hall, so that there would be absolutely no chance to cheat even if they had wanted to.

    They sit down and confidently begin to work. The first question (5 points out of 100) is relatively straightforward, and all 4 are able to complete it without difficulty.

    When the first of them finishes the problem, he turns the page of the exam booklet and reads ...

    Problem Two (95 points out of 100):
    Which tire went flat?

    That's why you gotta make an alibi and stick to it!
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  3. -13
    WVDolphan's Avatar
    Two Little Debbies and a cup of coffee

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    Mike Wallace 112013 Dolphins Logo
    Quote Originally Posted by Bumpus View Post
    Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets home from the battered women's shelter?

    A: The dishes, if she's smart.
    I think it takes a West Virginian to appreciate that joke bro.
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  4. -14
    Possum's Avatar
    I'M AMAZIN', YEA, IM ALL THAT!!

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    Q: What does a blonde do after she combs her hair?

    A: She pulls up her pants.

    THE AM CREW - THE JOLLIEST ***HOLES THIS SIDE OF THE NUT HOUSE.

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  5. -15
    Possum's Avatar
    I'M AMAZIN', YEA, IM ALL THAT!!

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    Q: What do you say to a woman with a blackeye?

    A: Nothing, she heard you the first time.
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  6. -16
    X-Pacolypse's Avatar
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    A ham sandwich walks into a bar, the sandwich hops up onto the barstool and the bartender looks at him and says: "Hey buddy, this is a bar. We don't serve ham sandwiches here."
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  7. -17
    X-Pacolypse's Avatar
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    A grasshopper walks into a bar and takes a seat, the guy next to him looks at him and says: "Hey, did you know that you have a drink named after you?" The grasshopper somewhat stunned by this news looks at the guy and says: "Really? I didn't know that they made a drink called the 'Larry.'"
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  8. -18
    FinHeaven VIP

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    A pedophile and a little girl walk into a forest. After walking for a few minutes, the little girl says: Its dark and scary in here. The pedophile says: YOU, i have to walk back alone.
    Seriously, did you have to quote that long as post?
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  9. -19
    CashInFist's Avatar
    Waterlogged

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    2 Catholics died and went to Heaven, when they entered the Pearly Gates ST Peter lead them on a guided tour, while exploring Heaven the Catholics noticed a HUGE WALL and asked ST Peter, "WHat is that for?", ST Peter replies, "SHHHHHH...", "That's the Baptists, they think they are the only ones up here"...
    Last edited by CashInFist; 07-12-2009 at 06:24 PM.
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  10. -20
    Finfang's Avatar
    Finheaven is king!!!

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    A 43 year old woman gets a face lift so feeling all good about herself decides to test it out. She walks into the bank and asks the teller, how old do you think I am? She replies oh about 35. The woman tells the girl she is 43 and thanks her.

    The woman then walks into McDonalds and while ordering asks the cashier how old do you think I am? The young man says about 36. She tells the guy I am 43 and smiles. The woman is feeling fantastic at this point. Thanks her cashier, eats and is off to catch the bus.

    While on the bus she turns and asks a man sitting next to her, how old do you think I am. The man says well I have this little trick that I can do to tell how old you are. All I have to do is stick my hand down the front of your panties and I will know. Reluctantly the woman agrees. After performing his little trick the man says you are exactly 43 years old. The woman is in disbelief. That was amazing how did you know that?

    The man replies

    It was easy. I was standing in line behind you at McDonalds!



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