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Thread: Jokes ... NOT for the easily (or moderately) offended.

  1. -21
    Bumpus's Avatar
    Are you gonna drink that?

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    A married couple is playing a round of golf on vacation. The husband tees off and slices the ball through a window of a house lining the fairway. The couple sheepishly approach the house to apologize and pay for the damages.

    They knock on the door, and hear "Come in." They enter to find a man in robes seated on the couch and broken glass scattered on the floor.

    The husband begins to studder out and apology, but he is cut off..

    "The glass at your feet is the shattered remains on my former prison. I have been trapped within that lamp for the past 1,000 years. For freeing my from my bonds, I shall grant you two wishes."

    The husband points out that genies are supposed to give three wishes.

    "True. But, I am no longer bound by the lamp. As a reward for setting me free, I will grant you two wishes, but the final wish belongs to me."

    The husband immediately wishes for his PGA Tour card. His wife slaps him in the head. He tries to calm his wife by explaining that he'll be able to make tons of cash on tour.

    The irate wife announces that she'll take the second wish. She wishes for a fully staffed mansion on both coasts, in Paris, in Rome, and in Rio.

    "For the third wish ... I wish to have sex with your wife."

    She is not amused, but her husband pleads with her to do it by reminding her what they'll be getting in return. She eventually agrees, and goes off into the other room with him.

    After they finish having sex, he rolls off of her, looks her in the eye, and says ...






    "Isn't your husband a little old to be believing in genies?"
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  2. -22
    BobDole's Avatar
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    what happens when you put a baby in the microwave?

    i don't know, i was too busy masturbating.


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  3. -23
    BobDole's Avatar
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    what's the difference between a dead baby and a cadillac?

    i don't have a cadillac in my garage.
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  4. -24
    Bumpus's Avatar
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    Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?

    A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.



    ... was that wrong?
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  5. -25
    BobDole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bumpus View Post
    Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?

    A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.



    ... was that wrong?
    wrong? no. funny? yup.

    i've got some really bad ones - we'll see how raunchy this thread gets.
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  6. -26
    Bumpus's Avatar
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    What's gross?
    - 1,000 dead babies in a pile.

    What's grosser than gross?
    - 1,000 dead babies in a pile, & one eating it's way out.




    ... It's on!
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  7. -27
    BobDole's Avatar
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    what's grosser than gross? 100 babies in a dumpster.

    what's grosser than that? 1 baby in 100 dumpsters.
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  8. -28
    fatkirstyalley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BobDole View Post
    what happens when you put a baby in the microwave?

    i don't know, i was too busy masturbating.
    DUDE!
    Watch me jiggle all the way to the DWTS finals!



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  9. -29
    fatkirstyalley's Avatar
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    Whats the difference between a truck load of Bowling Balls and a truckload of dead babies?

    You cant unload bowling balls with a pitchfork
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  10. -30
    BARF's Avatar
    ...FOR ME TO POOP ON

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    a married couple are in an insane asylum, the husband is in the pool drowning the wife jumps in to save him, they tell the wife that she medically cleared to go and they signed off on all the papers, the next day they tell the wife that they found the husband and he hung himself, the wife replies with oh no that was me, i hung him out dry
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