TAMPA, Florida - Not satisfied with living in Florida, Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey wants to move to Washington, D.C. to become the nation's first vampire president.
Sharkey, 45, spent Friday on a Greyhound bus with his new fiancee, Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old girl from Ohio he got to know online. She too believes she is a vampire, or vampyre
A real bloodsucker announces run for president. He has the resume...an ancestor is considered to be the "George Washington of Romania" for his vigorous defense of the province of Transylvania from the Turks (we know him as "Dracula"), the candidate has a criminal record already (so that's taken care of) is 45 years old, likes teenage girls as dates and rides Greyhound.... Oh, and he's on the Secret Service nut wad watch list, so let's make it easier for them to keep an eye on him. Vote Dracula!