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Thread: Hot 4 Peyton, also Eli, but also Archie too

  1. -231
    X-Pacolypse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hot4Peyton View Post
    uh huh, its the very same one, Friend X-Pacolypse. the land itself has been in the family fer generations. Great Grandaddy took the land offn a Shawnee injun? they say great grandaddy was a shrewd negotiator, and pretty handy with a sharpened deer antler after a few quaffs of the moonshine? family legend say that great grandaddy took advantage of a shawnee loophole what says you cant shed blood on sacred land? well he stabbed that shawnee chief right in the dick with his lucky antler, and took our little strip of bogside paridise fro himself and future kin! they sahwnee kept tryin to reclaim they sacred land through non-violent means, but great grand daddy just kept stabbin them in the dicks whenever they came by. shoot, the bureau of indian affairs say that my great grandaddy was responsible for a sharp decline in shawnee birthrates from all the dick stabbin.
    That's some story. Seems like Great Grandaddy wasn't someone you wanted to trifle with.
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  2. -232
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    Humongous, got any big plans for Father's Day?
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  3. -233
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    Quote Originally Posted by X-Pacolypse View Post
    Humongous, got any big plans for Father's Day?
    Perhaps, pouring a little Pine-Sol by his grave marker?
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  4. -234
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bumpus View Post
    Perhaps, pouring a little Pine-Sol by his grave marker?
    well, you hit the opossum on the head, friend Bumpus. every fathers day, I slather myself up with bacon grease, squeeze through the front door of the trailer, and waddle down to the compost heap where dear daddy lies? first i song him some soothing lyrics from his favorite Lipps Incorporated song (Hint: It aint Funky town). Then I mix him up a Pine Sol, Mr. Clean and Murphy's Oil Soap cocktail -- a drink he'd only have on special occasions? I mix it all up in his old Vietcong issued canteen, and gently pour it onto his shallow grave. then, naturally, i ritualistically sacrifice 3 live raccoon fetuses, and set they corpses on fire in a bed of dried catfish whiskers and goat dung? the foul odors are said to spirit away the soul to heaven. well, happy fathers day to you and yours, freinds!
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  5. -235
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    well, i think Ima do a little house cleanin. we have this purdy ornamental rug in the trailer before the cats tore it to shreds, and covered it with offal. some years back, Daddy (RIP) had polished off a bottle and a half of Windex, and he got a hankerin for some Sesame Street Chickens? So he went into town to the fancy Chinamin eatery for to pick some up? but when the waiter came out to give him his order, daddy up and had a vietnam flashback, and yanked the rug out from under him. That poor chinamin suffered 2nd degree burns on his face from the eggdrop soup what spilled on him? well, daddy decided to keep that ornamental rug to help ward off roving bands of chinamin and puerto ricans. Its all scratched up and tattered now, and covered in feline leavins, but I think it's workin, on account a I aint never seen no ornamental folks round these parts. So maybe I'll keep it around, ya think?
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  6. -236
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hot4Peyton View Post
    well, i think Ima do a little house cleanin. we have this purdy ornamental rug in the trailer before the cats tore it to shreds, and covered it with offal. some years back, Daddy (RIP) had polished off a bottle and a half of Windex, and he got a hankerin for some Sesame Street Chickens? So he went into town to the fancy Chinamin eatery for to pick some up? but when the waiter came out to give him his order, daddy up and had a vietnam flashback, and yanked the rug out from under him. That poor chinamin suffered 2nd degree burns on his face from the eggdrop soup what spilled on him? well, daddy decided to keep that ornamental rug to help ward off roving bands of chinamin and puerto ricans. Its all scratched up and tattered now, and covered in feline leavins, but I think it's workin, on account a I aint never seen no ornamental folks round these parts. So maybe I'll keep it around, ya think?
    You can't argue with those results.
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  7. -237
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    well, them American Pickers came by the trailer to sift through all my treasures I keep piled in my yard? at first I was reluctant to let them strangers on my property, but that skinny one was real persistent like. I had Daddy's (RIP) sawed-off scatter gun just outta sight, ifn one of them boys tried any funny business -- the fat one with the beard had a lustful look in his eye, when I caught him staring at my front butt? Trouble is, I'm fresh outta buckshot since I went raccoon huntin, but I kept it handy nonetheless. well, them boys got right to pickin. At first, the fat one had an especial interest in my old oil cans I like to store my toenail clippings and urine in? Hoowee, he lost interest after he opened the first one! The skinny geek kept askin me about what was in my shed what mama (RIP) used to chain me up in when I got ornery. I screeched and squeeled at him not ta open it! But he did anyways, and as soon as he did, an avalanche of old kitty litter came a crashin down on him. what a dumb dumb, he was covered in old sick cat leavings what was getting in his mouth and eyes? and he was dry heaving and yellin at his camera man to, "cut! cut!" well, I had about enough of them two pickers at that point, so I started huckin my used adult diapers at them sos they would vacate my property! I splashed the fat one right in the face, Praise God! It was a fresh loaf still steaming toboot! And his beard was all covered with my back butt leavings. Boy Howdy, was he cussin something rabid! That'll learn those History Channel eggheads to quit poking they noses where they aint welcome! __________________
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  8. -238
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    I only read the first paragraph, and I gota know. Did that account get hacked? Or was it created to just troll?
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  9. -239
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisturbedShifty View Post
    I only read the first paragraph, and I gota know. Did that account get hacked? Or was it created to just troll?
    are you asking me out?
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  10. -240
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    Yep, troll account.
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