I'm the guy that got notes sent home from his 4th grade teacher to his parents complaining about how bad the classroom smelled.
I'm the guy who ripped *** all football practice long in middle school.
I'm the guy in high school, who whenever you fell asleep in class, would put his *** right next to your drooling, snoring face and release the disgusting invisible remnants of brussels sprouts and Chipotle burritos.
One time in 7th grade I was sitting all alone on the bus when I let go one of the longest, nastiest farts of my entire life. It just effortlessly flowed right out of me for what felt like 15 seconds. It was completely silent and nobody knew it was coming or who did it. At first I thought that an absolutely perfect fart had gone to waste until I heard this ***** in the back of the bus go "Oh my god! What is that smell?" Within the next 10 seconds, that whole half of the bus was reeling and most of them had tears in their eyes.
But the best ones are when you or someone next to you lets one go in the middle of a test and everyone hears it but you're all trying as hard as you can not to laugh. That and church farts.
How did I get so bad? I probably get it from my grandpa. He was the worst I've ever known.
But when the trumpets blew again and the knights charged, the name they cried was, "Stannis! Stannis! Stannis!"
Well my fart story is I farted in a pool and attempted to smell it. Needless to say I almost died from breathing in water. The most retarded thing I have ever done.
We were out drinking in Buffalo years ago, two of my closest friends were playing ball for Buff State. The starting D tackle at the time was/is a good friend of ours and crashed in the dorms instead of driving to his apartment after drinking until 5am. Smart of him right well let'm tell ya
Woke up to a horrific smell in the room, I mean this is the scene right out of Anchorman, **** covered in burnt hair, Bigfoot's dick you name it. We look over at the desk chair and there is literally a piece of **** that stretches from front to back and is the size of a toilet paper tube in diameter. There lies our buddy the D tackle passed out naked from the waist down with **** underwear balled up between him and the chair. It was the most foul smelling thing I have ever has the displeasure of inhaling. We kicked him in the head and told the ******* to wake the **** up and take care of his ****.
Long story shot, one of the dudes down the hall left his door open and wasn't in his room so after he removed the piece of **** from the chair he swapped it out with the dudes desk chair and that was that. I often wonder if the guy ever knew he was sitting were the most colossal piece of **** I have ever laid eyes on once sat.
"Martining" things is no way to go through life.
Don't be a Martin.
good idea for a thread. surprised no one thought of it before.
SO many fart stories. a few recent ones too. was playing pool at a bar a month or so back and had to unleash. i figured the jute box was on, the place was crowded, you could smoke in the bar - no big deal. she got released on the break. i put so much effort into the break that this thing came from my soul. loud as fugg and lasted for about 10 seconds. i didn't even try to hide it - i saw heads immediately turn and died laughing. smelled like death too. perfection.
well, whenever i fry up opposum gibblets, i get the flatulence something fierce! like last night for example. i had just finished a hub-cap full of greasy gibblets, and my hindquarters started singing a whiny stink-song. you know like when maria carey hits them high notes? it sorta sounded like that. the trouble was, after the song ended, i felt an overwhelming dampness. i checked my bloomers, and lo and behold, they was filled with this sorta opaque fluid. shoot, i didnt know what it was!
Does anyone else get gas when they drink Guiness?
Its 15 mins after midnight..I just ripped one that was so bad that it woke up my girl...