I'm the guy that got notes sent home from his 4th grade teacher to his parents complaining about how bad the classroom smelled.
I'm the guy who ripped *** all football practice long in middle school.
I'm the guy in high school, who whenever you fell asleep in class, would put his *** right next to your drooling, snoring face and release the disgusting invisible remnants of brussels sprouts and Chipotle burritos.
One time in 7th grade I was sitting all alone on the bus when I let go one of the longest, nastiest farts of my entire life. It just effortlessly flowed right out of me for what felt like 15 seconds. It was completely silent and nobody knew it was coming or who did it. At first I thought that an absolutely perfect fart had gone to waste until I heard this ***** in the back of the bus go "Oh my god! What is that smell?" Within the next 10 seconds, that whole half of the bus was reeling and most of them had tears in their eyes.
But the best ones are when you or someone next to you lets one go in the middle of a test and everyone hears it but you're all trying as hard as you can not to laugh. That and church farts.
How did I get so bad? I probably get it from my grandpa. He was the worst I've ever known.