More Smug than Birthday Dog
Bill Simmons Running Diary from Last Night
Hilarious stuff. Here are a few highlights
By the way, if you had explained to me as recently as 10 years ago that I'd be living in California and rooting for the Yankees on an iPad, I would have assumed that I was on the lam for a crime and doing whatever it took to survive.
Red Sox killer Robert Andino leads off for the Orioles as Daniel hisses, "That's just an eff you move by Showalter." Lester strikes him out. I've had Andino on my AL Keeper Team all season — he's a homeless man's Ben Zobrist. There's no better candidate to ruin the 2011 Red Sox season and join the Bucky Dent/Enos Slaughter/Aaron Boone group. He's the odds-on favorite.
Even if he's been a mess mentally for much of this season, and even if I'm going to need to give myself amnesia to unremember all the dreadful at-bats he had this season, I still feel like Crawford could redeem himself someday — maybe even during these next five weeks. I'm rooting for him.
(Please, Lord, don't let that paragraph be thrown back in my face.)
A one-out double by Scutaro (.382/.436/.573 in September heading into tonight) brings us to America's favorite game show, What Will Carl Crawford Do? The nominees are …A. Strikeout in the dirt;
B. Grounder to short;
C. Jammed pop fly to short left;
D. Jammed pop fly to second base;
E. Tapper back to the mound.
I said "A," Daniel said "C." And our answer is …B!
We're watching the Yankees on YES — heading into the bottom of the seventh, with the Yankees still leading 7-0, we see A.J. Burnett trotting in from the bullpen as Michael Kay gushes happily, "A.J. Burnett is coming in!" He's openly rooting for the Rays. You can tell. I mean, what other reason would you have to gush happily, "A.J. Burnett is coming in!"
"Daddy needs another drink," Daniel says. That's going to be the title of my 2011 Red Sox book.