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Thread: Potty Humor

  1. -1
    LANGER72's Avatar
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    Potty Humor

    Ghost Poop = You know you've pooped. There's poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.

    Teflon Coated Poop = Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!

    Gooey Poop = This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

    Second Thought Poop = You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize it...you've got some more.

    Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

    Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.

    Right Now Poop = You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

    King Kong or Commode Choker Poop = This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else's house.

    Wet Cheeks Poop = This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.

    Wish Poop = You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop!

    Cement Block or Oh God Poop = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

    Snake Poop = This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

    Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.

    Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) = You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.

    Beer Drunk Poop = This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poop doesn't smell too bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of poop also usually happens at someone else's house.

    The Frightened Turtle = The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

    The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.

    The Ring of Fire Poop = The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

    The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

    The Big Bobber = The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

    The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

    The Incredible Hulk Poop = The king of poop that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

    Jack the Ripper Poop = The kind of poop that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.

    The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

    The Toxic Gas Poop = The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

    Dirty Bowl Poop = The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

    The Windy City Poop = When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.
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    Harry_Bagpipe's Avatar
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    I know these are pretty old but i always found them funny especially the Turd Burgler and the Camo cough


    ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
    JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
    COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
    WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the ****ter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.
    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.
    THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
    SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
    TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.
    CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
    ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
    WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
    HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
    UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
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