I'm a fan of the New England Patriots, they best team in the history of the NFL. Our Quarterback, Tom Brady, is not only the most handsome man to ever play football, but also the greatest football player that ever lived. He's the GOAT at his position, which gives him something in common with our coach, Belichick, also known for his awesomeness as `the Hoodie,` or even `Darth Hoodie,` and he, like Tom Terrific, has no equal.
In the twelve seasons we've seen them together, we've done the following:
1. Won three world championships, achieving the only Superbowl dynasty of the salary cap era.
2. Won 5 AFC Championships.
3. Made the entire league suffer watching our unique greatness in the AFC Championship 8 times, essentially making the Patriots the most visible, important, and most consistently elite team in NFL history. If the NFL was a movie, Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are essentially its main characters.
We're like the black uniformed, smug, super-elite bad guy team in `The Mighty Ducks,` only instead of being toppled in the end, we beat your face in, then rub salt in it, then go home with your wife.
Our rise to ultimate power coincided with the rise of the internet, which lead to our fan base, the best fan base ever, becoming the most hated in the league. The true reason, however, is because there is, apparently, such a thing as "too awesome."
While every other team thinks beating another by 35 points is some great and memorable thing, we basically do it 10 or 12 times a year, and after we rip out your soul, break your pride over our knee, and spit on your corpse, we join your forum to tell you how awesome we are, and how much you suck. It's just that we think you should know.
We also have the coolest uniforms, the coolest throwback uniforms, the best stadium nick name, the most entertaining team, the most passionate team, the most intense team, and the coolest team name.
In fact, every last thing about us is just totally #$%#ing bad ass.
I'm a New England Patriot fan.
Ask my anything.