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Thread: The history of man

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    Humor The history of man

    Subject: The history and evolution of mankind. This has been around but worth
    another chuckle!



    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
    They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and
    live on fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the
    invention of the wheel.

    Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass
    bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting
    around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
    That’s how villages were formed.


    The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and grain to the brewery.

    These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst
    for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals. 2.
    Conservatives.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they
    were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative
    movement.
    Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives
    by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
    dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

    Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men.
    Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
    invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to
    decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

    Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful
    land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for
    obvious reasons.
    Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or
    imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi,
    tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary
    side note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

    Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
    film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are Liberals.
    Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule
    because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their
    women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
    workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate
    executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone
    who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives
    who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide
    what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened
    than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when
    Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed
    and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today’s lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may
    have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.

    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this
    history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to just piss
    off more liberals…




    And there you have it.



    Let your next action reveal your true self.
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    Mike13's Avatar
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    Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added)
    Then why does Anheuser-Busch always target "REAL MURICA" in their ads?
    Quote Quote  

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    Sons of Shula's Avatar
    not a dull boy

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    1972 Dolphins LogoDolphin2013 Dolphins Logo
    Where's the explanation of why Bible Belt Conservatives watch more gay porn than their Liberal counterparts around the country?
    To play a wrong note is insignificant; to play without passion is inexcusable - Ludwig Van Beethoven



    Thanks to Disturbed Shifty
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    Mike13's Avatar
    I am a golden god

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    H
    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this
    history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to just piss
    off more liberals…
    Here is the the thing though, you have to be an angry person to create this and send it in chain mails to begin with. And an even angrier person to forward that email.
    Or did Mayhem see it on his Facebook page?
    Quote Quote  

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    Perfect23's Avatar
    I wish people understood this

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sons of Shula View Post
    Where's the explanation of why Bible Belt Conservatives watch more gay porn than their Liberal counterparts around the country?
    At least you can't call them homophobes
    Quote Quote  

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