Yes, in this case it's all in my head. At least I think so. Nobody yells at me, but you never quite know.
People of other races in this country have a lot more reason to think that white people dislike them that I have to think that these people don't like me for some reason. There's a long history of racism, not to mention a long history of people who have no idea what their life experiences are like telling them that their feelings are wrong.
Why, I can smile, and murder while I smile,
And cry 'Content' to that which grieves my heart,
And wet my cheeks with artificial tears,
And frame my face to all occasions.
I can add colours to the chameleon,
Change shapes with Proteus for advantages,
And set the murderous Machiavel to school.
Can I do this, and cannot get a crown?
Looking different is just an obvious way of being different. But really it's being different that isolates you.
I have been to places where I was the distinct minority. In fact, I do it every day at my work. All of my bosses and 95 percent of my coworkers are black. A majority of the inmates are black as well. (That is significant because a white male automatically is treated differently by inmates in a corrections environment due to stereotypes that white men have. Yep, we are stereotyped too.) .....and I LOVE my job. I don't feel out of place at all, but it is due to my perception of things. I have been treated differently at times. No one owes me a damned thing.
But there are a few things that I do know that most people in this ignorant world don't seem to understand, a few things that seems to escape most people.......I control my happiness. Nobody decides for me whether or not I will have a good day, but me. My perception of each and every life experience creates my reality, and my successes or failures are all of my own doing. (As long as I continue to learn from every experience, there really are no failures.)
I just wish everyone else could take the same approach. No excuses. My feeling whether good or bad are my fault. I can't blame anyone else for them.