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Thread: An Open Letter From Jameis Winston to Publix

  1. -1
    fishfanmiami's Avatar
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    An Open Letter From Jameis Winston to Publix

    Dear Publix,
    First off sorry for any misspellignes in this apology letter. They donít actually make Jameis go to class at FSU. Nah its footballing 7/24. Actually Iím good, Iím having my PAFA (Personal Academic and Favor Assistant) type this thing from here on out as I read it to her.

    My PAFA is too sexy, man. Amber. Thatís her in the pic. We do some hard core studying too, if you know what I mean . She used to be a gymnast until they made her my PAFA.
    Jameis is so so so sorry for taking the crab legs yesterday. I figured since the NCAA said we get unlimited food now, that meant Publix too. And the Bag Man forgot to deposit the 2 Gís into my account this week. Jameis always pays for stuff. ALWAYS. Even for sugar every now and then, if you know what Jameis is sayiní.
    I wasnít really thinking. You see, Iím from Hueytown, Alabama and we donít have crab legs like they do in Tally. Might have squirrel legs, but theyíre nasty. Have you ever kissed a boo after she ate some squirrel? Ughhhh. And we sure as hell didnít have a Publix as good as this one up in Bama. God damn, do I love Publix! If this whole football/baseball thing craps out down the road, Jameis could totally work at Publix! Cool?
    All I ask is that you put me in the seafood section. If we get free crab legs, Jameis will work for FREE. Anyways, Iím only writing this letter so Jimbo doesnít get even more super pissed. Probably wants to ride my ass to another championship so the school can keep extorting millions out of Jameisí golden brown arm, ballerina feet, and million dollar smile. Itís why the Tally police covered that whole sex thing up from the start. But Publix, you got me! Hehehe. Stupid cameras. For real, though, Jameis is sorry and Iím really looking forward to working for you one day. Save me some big crab legs next week!
    Much love,
    J
    ameis Winston



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    uk_dolfan's Avatar
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    NY8123's Avatar
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    This is just great. What a ****ing moron, I'm still shaking my head about this one. dumbass.
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  7. -7
    Vaark's Avatar
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    Likely that before the brainiac got popped, he probably was planning on going back since he forgot to steal the nut/shell cracker also.
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    "As reported in the news, last night I received an adult civil citation for petty theft from a local supermarket. I went to the supermarket with the intent to purchase dinner but made a terrible mistake for which I'm taking full responsibility. In a moment of youthful ignorance, I walked out of the store without paying for one of my items."



    As if he remembered to pay for the Dom, quail eggs, and foie gras ... but the cheap crab legs slipped his mind.
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Gift received at 05-21-2014, 12:20 PM from DisturbedShifty1972 Dolphins Logo
    Quote Originally Posted by Bumpus View Post
    "As reported in the news, last night I received an adult civil citation for petty theft from a local supermarket. I went to the supermarket with the intent to purchase dinner but made a terrible mistake for which I'm taking full responsibility. In a moment of youthful ignorance, I walked out of the store without paying for one of my items."



    As if he remembered to pay for the Dom, quail eggs, and foie gras ... but the cheap crab legs slipped his mind.
    Love that he blames it on his "youth." Yeah, I was his age and knew full well not to steal, despite my "youth." What a moron.
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  10. -10
    Vaark's Avatar
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    It's more likely that Stevie Wonder will drive in the next Indy 500 than that Jameis came within 1000 yards of whomever actually wrote that mea culpa
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