Hello, it is once again the time I write my yearly thoughts on the Miami Dolphins. Usually I do this as a rebuttal to Sporties manifesto on the Miami Herald Site. However since most of you have no idea who he is or that there is a Miami Herald Site or hate those people because all they talk about is fart jokes, beautiful women, and comets hitting the earth or gay Baha and CKParrothead jokes. This is to help show you that some of us, do have some football thoughts and KNOWLEDGE. I don't know how keen you people are to long posts about miami dolphins players that isn't done by Ozzy or DCH, but I am going to try any ways. This took me 15 minutes to write and I am not going to waste it with just the Herald Board.
Looks like Miami is going to keep 3 qbs this year. They keep 3 quarterbacks every year. Except for the dark JJ years. We will not speak of that loser again.
Jay Fiedler: Starting Quarterback. Yipee. DoesnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t have a chance in hell of making anyone forget about Marino. Lets hope this year he will remind us of Gannon. With RW and CC, JF should have a better year then last year.
Ray Lucas: Back up (probably). He proved he could come in and win some games for the jets. Lets hope he doesnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t have to prove it in Miami. A good enough back up. Nice and cheap. Same reason to love Jay Fiedler before his big contract this year.
Zack Kustov or Tim Levik: 3rd QB (probably) Here is where things get a little interesting. Well interesting ONLY if you are a Miami Dolphins fan. Pretty boring if you arenĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t. On one hand you have the Jay Fiedler II quarterback in Kustov, and in the other you have the Strong armed every fan loves type quarterback in Tim Levik. Levik is a big mother #$#@er. Kustov is an agile guy. Both are better then Cade McNown. I hope Levik makes the team because he is one big mother #$#@er and has an arm like a cannon. I am a fan, I love the big strong armed quarterbacks. Only thing better is the Strong armed scrambing qb. That is a rare combination. Here I am, writing more about the 3rd QB battle then the first two QBs. No one is reading this. I will quit now
So in conclusion, Jay, Ray and Tim. Too bad his name isnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t May, then it would rhyme.
First time in a long time I have been excited about this position. Wait that isnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t true. I was excited when Miami drafted Sammie Smith, that didnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t work out. Oh yea, Irving spikes ruled in those preseason games, that didnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t work out. I guess I could go on and on talking about how I would get excited about a running back, like Karim, Aaron, Mark, Bernie, Lamar. Lamar being the cruelest because he actually showed hope for an entire year. Bernie being 2nd because of the dark one not even giving him a chance. So in conclusion the first time in a long time that I have a real reason that doesnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t have anything to do with being a aqua dolphin fan.
Ricky Williams: #$#@ yea. I canĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t wait to see him run. What can I say about him that hasnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t already been said
Travis Minor: I like him. I think he is a nice change of pace back. I donĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t know how Norv uses 3rd down backs, but if he decides to, Travis is a pretty good one.
Robert Edwards: A good story. I wasnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t much of a fan of his when he was a Patriot. I thought he was over rated. I donĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t think he makes the team
Leonard Henry: A smaller back. About 15lbs lighter then Edwards. I think he makes the team because of his ability to play special teams.
I am not going to talk about barnes or Westbrook or the other scrubs. If one makes the team then woopty doo. I would be an idiot to talk about them because I have never seen them play AND I have never read about any of them.
Conclusion: No more conclusions because I am already bored with writing. The summaries are probably going to get a lot shorter.
Rob Konrad: He is a starter. I donĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t know why. They say because he is versatile. Where are the runs, where are the catches? Maybe Norv will actually use him. Of course this is the 4th year of hearing it. Probably will start because of some white conspiracy. Damn the man
Deon Dyer: One of my favorite football players. The type of player I watch the game for. Loves the hit people. That is what football is about hitting people. Fullback actually has meaning when he is in the game. He must totally suck in practice and training camp at catching and running. I have seen nothing in games that shows me he isnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t as good as Rob Ă˘â‚¬Ĺ“I dropped the pass because I ran before I caught the ballĂ˘â‚¬Âť Konrad or better yet Rob Ă˘â‚¬Ĺ“The only time I can run the ball well is against Indy when we are up by over 30 pointsĂ˘â‚¬Âť Konrad. Take your pick.
Adioejroer Oayuoeaoinoing: he will be cut
Interesting situation. One that looks really good until you see the injury report. Basically it is a position that we will know more about once the season starts. If they are healthy by then, then Miami should be fine. If they are still hurt. Then Miami will not be fine. How Physiological.
Chris Chambers: the man. Not the evil white the man, but the good the man. If he keeps his head on straight, he is going to be a star.
James McKnight: the woman. Hahaha, man I am so funny. If he stops dropping passes and fumbling, he will be pretty good. If he keeps on dropping passes and fumbling, fans will continue to blame the entire season on him. He is like the offensive version of Terrell Buckley.
OG: If he could only stay healthy. He is like Randy Moss without the speed and toes of an 80 year old. Good target in the red zone.
Dedric Ward: A player that surprised me last year. I kept on reading how he drops passes. He didnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t drop any passes. In fact he was a go to man on 3rd downs. Who would of thought that? I didnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t.
Jeff Ogden: The Randy Moss of NFL Europe. Decent 5th receiver, horrible punt returner. If he is the punt returner next year, it proves two things. That he is good at taking pictures and he is good at blow jobs.
Sam Simmons: The type of player you want on your team. Good young man with good head on his shoulders. Wanting to play every position. Maybe the new Crash Jenson. I think he should make the team if Wansteadt gets Ogden off his ****.
Robert Bailey: Not on the dolphins. A cornerback if I remember correctly, or maybe a runningback for the Bucs. No way that is Robert Thomas. Why am I writing about him?
Robert Baker: or ATLien Phins man. I hope he makes the team. I like him. He is all, look at me I am at training camp, look at me I got cut again. Woopee. Good story.
Joey Getherall: Here is someone who is both as tall as me and is my age. I could of vicariously live through this guy. Now I was just vicariously cut from the Miami Dolphins. Son of a bitch, it hurts inside.
Albert Johnson: Kicked ass in Canada. Like that means anything, Canada sucks. He is fast, hopefully makes the team if Baker or Simmons doesnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t. I hate Ogden.
By far the weakest position on the Miami Dolphins. By far the most pathetic position on the team. There are many bad things to say about this one. Basically, they all arenĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t that good.
Jed Weaver: Competent receiver. Horrible blocker. Will make the team by default. Will start for the team by default. Should change his name to Jed Default.
Alonzo Mayes: I have never seen a guy who gets so many chances to start on a team and blow them that wasnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t a first round pick. I hate him. I am so sick of him. Hard to feel sorry for a guy who is gifted and wastes it.
Randy McMichael: Supposedly a good receiver. Supposedly dropped a lot of passes in training camp. Good pick Miami. Maybe he will prove himself during training camp and preseason. Maybe he will prove himself better on practice squad.
Ed Perry: Makes the team because of long snapping. Long Snapper is the only position that is worse then kicker. Kickers at least get a moment of glory when they kick a game winning field goal. No one says Ă˘â‚¬Ĺ“what a good snapĂ˘â‚¬Âť. Except for matt Millen. Miss him in the booth. Should be back soon. Only time people notices Long Snappers is when they take up a roster position or mess up.
Shawn Draper: He better blow people away when they put pads on. DoesnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t look to good for him. It is bad when the coach mentions the tight end position and doesnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t even mention his name. Probably cut.
Basically another position that is, Wait till training camp. Ever tried to block people without pads? That is like saying Zach is going to have a bad season because he canĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t make a tackle while holding the pad. Well they probably have other players hold the pad, but you get the point.
Spriggs/Smith: one of them will probably be Left Tackle. Not fun to talk about because they both pretty much arenĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t very good. Good thing Fiedler can run.
Dixon: Maybe left tackle, maybe guard. One thing is for certain, he will get injured by week 9. Best Dolphin lineman, best dolphin lineman at getting injured.
Ruddy: Could be the last year for Ruddy. Good solid player. Sometimes more solid then others.
Searcy: If healthy will start
Perry: If Searcy is healthy, will get cut
Nails: Big guy, Might start if Dixon is the left tackle. Good back up at least
Cesario: If you watched him last year during the preseason, then you know why I like this guy. He looked like Miami best tackle. Too bad he was hurt. A good back up.
Wade: Hopefully his sophomore slump is over and he will be good again.
Andrews: Good solid back up. Played for Duke. He is no Grant Hill.
McKinney: Should be a good solid player next year.
If Miami keeps 8 offensive linemen, and everyone is healthy, I think Smith, Dixon, Ruddy, Nails, Wade, Cesario, Andrews and McKinney. If they keep 9, I will say, well ummm Perry. Wansteadt is going to keep he expensive back up if he keeps 9.
Talk about fun and exciting. The biggest unknown going into next year. Half of the starters could be from the worst defense in football. Of course there are only two starters on Defensive tackle but still.
Tim Bowens: One of my favorite players. When not injured he is a rock. Good solid tackle, playing for a good solid wage. About freaking time.
Larry Centers: Fullback for some team that isnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t the dolphins. My bad
Larry Chester: Supposedly a big strong guy. Maybe he is good, maybe he isnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t. But he is big, and is strong. He isnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t going to be the monster that Gardener was, but neither was Gardner.
(I still think that Daryl was going to be cut even if he didnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t piss of wasnteadt. That they went into some huge smear campaign to help settle the dolphin fans. To keep the uproar with his release to a minimum and his replacement with a guy who was part of the worst defense in the league last year look like an upgrade)
(special note. If the Carolina Panthers didnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t have the worst defense in the league last year, then I apologize to the Carolina Panthers personally. If they did. YOU SUCK!!! They are the Canada of the NFL)
Grant/Haley: Both same story. Both solid back ups. Both werenĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t last year because of injury. Uninjured I believe that they will be solid once again. One may even push Chester for some serious playing time. That one I believe is Haley.
James Atkins: I only mention him because, I donĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t know. I will quit now
Jason Taylor: Duh
Jay Williams: I never saw him play. Well I saw him play, but never paid attention because the Panthers suck. The quarterback club rarely showed Panther games. Do you know why? Because just like Canada, the Panthers suck. So I will leave my opinion of him open till I actually watch him play.
AO: I am not going to attempt to spell his name. This is his year to prove he belongs in a Dolphin Uniform. Showed some FLASHES last YEAR.
David Bowens: I love watching this guy play. He is like the Deon Dyer of Defense. Hopefully he will learn more about the position and be the Trace Armstrong of the team.
Rob Burnett: My hope is that David Bowens and AO will play so well Miami will cut this guy. He like jay is one year removed from an excellent season. It seems like half of Miami is one year removed from an excellent season. Go figure.
Zach Thomas: Lets hope the DL can keep people off this guy. He is too little and fragile to take on big strong scary offensive linemen. Amazing instincts.
Derrick Thomas: Linebacker, he is dead. How sad. His ghost may sign with the dolphins. He is only two years removed from being alive.
Derrick Rodgers: The new Terrell Buckley of the Miami Dolphins. I bet every team has a T-Buck. A player the fans like to dump all of the problems on, even though they have solid play. If he had a steel chair, he would be the best linebacker ever. Lets hope he gets to play the season. IMO, the guy got what he deserved. IMFO, Derrick Rodgers should of beat him up, OUT OF THE PUBLIC EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IsnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t there a mob or something in Miami. Derrick is Rich, why is he doing his own dirty work
Morlon greenwood: Came on strong at the end of the season. All of the naysayers say all of his tackles were 20 million yards down the field. You know what I say that that. ALWAYS NAYSAYING, YOU PIECE OF *&*&, YOU INVENT SOMETHING, LIKE INWARD SINGING, WHILE YOU SIT ON YOUR TOWER!!!!!!!!!!! If he continues to improve, he will be solid.
Back ups: Suck. Good special teams, I hope none of them have to play. Includes, Gaylon, Hendricks, and Russell
Justin Seaverns: Another good story. I hope this guy beats out one of the special team wonders. I liked his story. He is an animal. He is larry Izzo without the shortness and the annoyance.
Surtain/Madison: I am Surtain that Madison and Surtain will be the best duo once again.
Jamar Fletcher: One of the best corners in college history. We will see if he is better when he isnĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t injured throughout training camp. I have a wait till preseason till I judge him type thing.
Ray Green: Maybe a diamond in the rough, maybe another Brian Manning. Remember Brian Manning? I am sad to say I do.
Delvin Brown: Did ok in NFLE, lets see if he can do anything in the NFL
Omar Lowe: Will probably make the team, as teams usually keep 5 cornerbacks and there are about 5 cornerbacks on the DolphinsĂ˘â‚¬â„˘ roster. I am not counting Delvin Brown, he will probably be cut. I donĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t remember him when he was a husky. I only watched about 2 husky games, and boy did they have a horrible defense.
Marion: happy to see him back
Freeman: Should be a solid starter
Gamble: Is going to have to fight
McGarrahan: For a spot on the roster. Both great flyers. Maybe they will both make the team. Gamble did ok when he was the 6th defensive back. I donĂ˘â‚¬â„˘t remember McGarrahan actually playing a down.
Shields: Played in NFLE, will probably play again next year
Wooden: Might be cut. He does have experience on his side.
Joshua Symonette: Joshua Whoymonette? Awww Joshua Cutymonette
Olindo Mare: Good player
Vitaly Pisetsky: The only thing this guy has over Olindo, is a good kicker name.
I hope the rookie wins. He is cheaper
Well there you have it. My thoughts on the Miami football Dolphins. If you noticed that they descriptions got less descriptive as I went along. That is because I became bored of doing this after the quarterbacks. However I did have a good time. I was optimistic, now, I am unsure. So many questions unanswered. One thing I do know, Miami is going to need to have one of the players that only Dolphin fans know about to step it up and become known to the rest of the NFL fans out there. Most good teams have those players.
So in closing, my conclusion, is this.
Miami will be 16-0, then win the superbowl.