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Thread: Political Joke Thread

  1. -101
    cnc66's Avatar
    wiley veteran bad spelur

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    18-1 Choke of the Century

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  2. -102
    tay0365's Avatar
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    Howard Dean.....Is he really this crazy?







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  3. -103
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  5. -105
    tay0365's Avatar
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  6. -106
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  7. -107
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    Top Ten George W. Bush New Year's Resolutions - David Letterman


    10. Fewer decisions based on wild, drunken hunches

    9. Have N.S.A. find out what really happened between Nick and Jessica

    8. Stop using Situation Room monitors to play X-Box 360

    7. More C-SPAN, less "Yes, Dear"

    6. Team up with leading scientists to make Cheetos even cheesier

    5. To capture and bring to justice King Kong

    4. Beat the twins at beer pong

    3. Respond to reporters questions with, "*****, don't go there"

    2. Scale back on grueling 12-hour work week

    1. "Who needs resolutions? Everythng is fine"
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  8. -108
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  9. -109
    DeDolfan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tay0365
    Yea, that looks like what they would teach in most of the Way To The Left Biased schools these days.
    Nah, they ain't "left biased", they're just conservatively challenged !!

    DD..................the #1 Delaware Dolfan !!!



    Doing things you don't have to do today will help to determine where you'll be tomorrow when you can't do anything about it!
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  10. -110
    Blitz's Avatar
    The Big Zonk

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    George W. Bush's Resume:

    Personal Information

    George W. Bush
    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW
    Washington, D.C. 20500

    Past Work Experience

    - Ran for congress and lost.
    - Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
    - Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
    - Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
    - With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

    Accomplishments in Previous Positions

    - Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

    - Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

    - Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.

    Accomplishments As President

    - Spent the Clinton/Gore surpluses and bankrupted the treasury.
    - Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
    - First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
    - First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history.
    - After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
    - Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in U.S. history.
    - Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history.
    - Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
    - Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history.
    - Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
    - Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
    - Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
    - Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
    - Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.
    - My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history.
    - Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker named after her).
    - Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
    - Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history.
    - Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.
    - Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
    - All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
    - My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
    - Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.
    - First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force One)
    - Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history).
    - Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
    - Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
    - Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.'
    - Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. I have no leads and zero suspects.
    - Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history.
    - In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War.

    Records and References

    - At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available)
    - Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about past drug use.
    - All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
    - All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
    - All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
    - Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

    Personal References

    Please speak to my daddy.
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