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Thread: Political Joke Thread

  1. -61
    Blitz's Avatar
    The Big Zonk

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    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude, and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago. But I don't know where I am."

    The man consulted his portable GPS, and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes North latitude, and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes West longitude."

    She rolled her eyes, and said, "You must be a Democrat."

    "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information. And I am still lost. Frankly, you have not been much help to me."

    The man smiled, and responded, "You must be a Republican."

    "I am!" replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

    "Well..." said the man, "you do not know where you are, or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep. And you expect me to solve your problem.

    You are in exactly the same position you were in before we met. But somehow, now it's all my fault."
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  2. -62
    Slappy8800's Avatar
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    10 reasons why gay marriage is wrong

    1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural
    things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

    2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way
    that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

    3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could
    never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to
    cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

    4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed
    at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites,
    and divorce is still illegal.

    5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were
    allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun
    marriage would be destroyed.

    6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay
    couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to
    marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs
    more children.

    7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
    parents only raise straight children.

    8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like
    ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.
    That's why we have only one religion in America.

    9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model
    at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents
    to raise children.

    10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
    behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has
    legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.



    i cannot take credit for this but it made me laugh :rofl3:

    "Hockey is like heroin. Only drug addicts do heroin. It's not like a recreational drug. Hockey is kind of the same way. Only hockey fans watch hockey."
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  3. -63
    Blitz's Avatar
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  4. -64
    Blitz's Avatar
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  5. -65
    Wildbill3's Avatar
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    Rebel AllianceSuperman logoXbox LogoPlaystation LogoSnakes!

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  6. -66
    ch19079's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blitz
    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude, and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago. But I don't know where I am."

    The man consulted his portable GPS, and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes North latitude, and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes West longitude."

    She rolled her eyes, and said, "You must be a Democrat."

    "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information. And I am still lost. Frankly, you have not been much help to me."

    The man smiled, and responded, "You must be a Republican."

    "I am!" replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

    "Well..." said the man, "you do not know where you are, or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep. And you expect me to solve your problem.

    You are in exactly the same position you were in before we met. But somehow, now it's all my fault."
    :rofl3:
    Bills fan for life.
    and yes, i know i can't spell worth a damn.

    Samir: No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days.. Ah. Ah. Ah. I just kick this piece of **** out the window.
    -Office Space-
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  7. -67
    PhinPhan1227's Avatar
    Why is there a watermelon there?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blitz

    The reason it's not funny is because it's basically true. The vast majority of those who come before the courts HAVE committed a crime.
    - "What do we mean by the defeat of the enemy? Simply the destruction of his forces, whether by death, injury, or any other means -- either completely or enough to make him stop fighting. . . . ."-Carl von Clausewitz-
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  8. -68
    Blitz's Avatar
    The Big Zonk

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    Quote Originally Posted by PhinPhan1227
    The reason it's not funny is because it's basically true. The vast majority of those who come before the courts HAVE committed a crime.


    Did you click on the link, and put your mouse icon over the comic?

    BTW, I happen to agree with the quote, and so does Tom DeLay, or at least he used to. That's the funny part.
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  9. -69
    PhinPhan1227's Avatar
    Why is there a watermelon there?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blitz


    Did you click on the link, and put your mouse icon over the comic?

    BTW, I happen to agree with the quote, and so does Tom DeLay, or at least he used to. That's the funny part.
    Lol...honestly I was looking through so quickly I didn't even notice that it was a link. Much funnier now.
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  10. -70
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